I've long thought that it is odd when people judge the health of a relationship by the amount of sex a couple has. I think a lot of the time, it sounds like 2-3 times per week is the norm for all married couples, and some marriage counselors and psychologists may even perpetuate the notion (I haven't met any myself who have done so, but judging from some other postings around here, this seems to be the case).
Often on these forums, people will ask how much sex a couple is having, in an attempt to gauge the health of a relationship. And while it certainly sounds like a plausible concern, there are a few problems. First, there is no baseline to compare to (how much sex the couple would be having under "normal" conditions, whatever those are), and second, we can't really tell how strong the sex drive is for each spouse at any given time.
In my own relationship, sex is an ever shifting quantity—sometimes my SO and I go at it like rabbits, and sometimes we go a month or so without any sex at all. We've been together some 13-odd years now, and we don't have much tension about our sex life. Lucky? Maybe. Or maybe we just don't stress about it much.
It hasn't always been the case—I would say I have a higher sex drive than my SO, and there have been tense moments in the past where I felt like I wasn't getting what I need. I think that's a discussion for another thread (if there's enough interest and I feel up to typing another manuscript on here). But I think the point is, it's not about the number of times per week or month or day. It's about whether you're feeling physically connected enough to your spouse, and whether your body's needs are being met.
Anyway, to finally get to the point:
I came across this data and thought it might be helpful to some couples who think their relationship is somehow lacking because they aren't having as much sex as their neighbours, or that other guy on the forum.
Kinsey Institute - Frequency of Sex
Basically, the data indicates that nearly half of married men and women indicate they have sex a few times a month. About a third indicated they have sex 2-3 times per week. But there are a significant number of outliers to these numbers—couples that have sex more or less frequently. "Normal" isn't as easy to define as we like to think.
The site references studies performed in 1994—20 years ago now—but while I am sure relationships have changed slightly in 20 years due to societal changes, I doubt the gap is significant enough that the data no longer applies. The study followed sound scientific research practices, and had a sample group of 3400.
The thing to keep in mind, in my opinion: It's not about how much sex you have—not even a little bit. It's about how satisfied your sex drive is; in other words, whether you feel like you're getting what you need.
Perhaps more importantly: Don't assume your relationship should look (or sound through the walls) like your neighbours' relationship.
Often on these forums, people will ask how much sex a couple is having, in an attempt to gauge the health of a relationship. And while it certainly sounds like a plausible concern, there are a few problems. First, there is no baseline to compare to (how much sex the couple would be having under "normal" conditions, whatever those are), and second, we can't really tell how strong the sex drive is for each spouse at any given time.
In my own relationship, sex is an ever shifting quantity—sometimes my SO and I go at it like rabbits, and sometimes we go a month or so without any sex at all. We've been together some 13-odd years now, and we don't have much tension about our sex life. Lucky? Maybe. Or maybe we just don't stress about it much.
It hasn't always been the case—I would say I have a higher sex drive than my SO, and there have been tense moments in the past where I felt like I wasn't getting what I need. I think that's a discussion for another thread (if there's enough interest and I feel up to typing another manuscript on here). But I think the point is, it's not about the number of times per week or month or day. It's about whether you're feeling physically connected enough to your spouse, and whether your body's needs are being met.
Anyway, to finally get to the point:
I came across this data and thought it might be helpful to some couples who think their relationship is somehow lacking because they aren't having as much sex as their neighbours, or that other guy on the forum.
Kinsey Institute - Frequency of Sex
Basically, the data indicates that nearly half of married men and women indicate they have sex a few times a month. About a third indicated they have sex 2-3 times per week. But there are a significant number of outliers to these numbers—couples that have sex more or less frequently. "Normal" isn't as easy to define as we like to think.
The site references studies performed in 1994—20 years ago now—but while I am sure relationships have changed slightly in 20 years due to societal changes, I doubt the gap is significant enough that the data no longer applies. The study followed sound scientific research practices, and had a sample group of 3400.
The thing to keep in mind, in my opinion: It's not about how much sex you have—not even a little bit. It's about how satisfied your sex drive is; in other words, whether you feel like you're getting what you need.
Perhaps more importantly: Don't assume your relationship should look (or sound through the walls) like your neighbours' relationship.
Put the internet to work for you.
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