:(
So, please bare with me here, I need some genuine advice. I know it is impossible to know everything there is need to know in order to give proper advice but ill try my best to recap the last 15 months of my life...
My father in law passed away suddenly..so my mil asked us to move in with her, we accepted and moved in immediately. we already had a 2 yr old and were 8.5 months pregnant expecting our second.
apparently my guy came into this situation with a new role "man of the house" which required him to do things and some time would be taken from his family so he could do these things. as much as i tried to not let my emotions get the best of me, they did. i started getting jealous of the time he was spending away from me and the girls and the time he was devoting to things around the house, but what got me the most was how he became such a cleaner...dishes, floor, organizing, keeping everything tidy. he was not a helper in our home. and although he wont straight out admit it is because his mother would complain otherwise and have it no other way and he clearly respects his mother....he would say we have a responsibility...and yes i understand that, but the responsibility was taken to the extreme. i couldnt even enjoy a breakfast or any meal with my children at ease bc everything needs to be clean, i find myself skipping out on meals to clean the mess instead because if i dont do it right away she will. she likes the house to be dark all the time to save money, how am i supposed to live like that? in a dungeon. if i turn a light on she turns it off...all of the time. she has gotten in the middle of child rearing causing me to have to be somewhat rude in asking her to not do that, explaining that while yes a grandmothers role isnt the same as a parents but we live with her so she cannot make us look like the bad guy by making sad faces at my daughter from across the room when we are disciplining her.. so many things..i cannot possibly list them all. i have asked her several times to sit down and talk with me if something is bothering her-she wont do it she just tells my fiance so ofcourse he cannot handle getting complaints from both ends..
well long story short, 2 nights ago things got crazy bc he knows in his heart how utterly annoying it is to live where we live, there are so many expectations and u just feel like u cant live....everything has tobe pretty and perfect and neat and we have a toddler and a baby! reality is....i am not going to spend every second cleaning and missing out on my kids growing.. i dont feel my fiance EVER fully understood any way i was feeling and his excuse is i never approach him kindly and hge is probably right, but am i convinced that would help?!
anyway getting back to the point my guy and his mom got into it really bad two nights ago apparentlythey were really letting off steam it was BAD....i went out there about an hour into it figguring while im a huge part of this so lets all squash it out. i kept trying to explain my part in this, i asked them to try and see things from my point of view, i admitted to some faults, but my mother in law kept channeling in on things she wanted to hear, for example i said moving our family into her home was not a good idea for us families need their space and she took that as "ITS SO SAD YOU'RE BLAMING ME FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS" no matter how many times i said it or how i worded it...she kept repeating that phrase. she also screamed at me that i am a rude person, she also told me i am possesive, explosive and jealous.i never once called her a name. my voice did raise a few times b/c it was that type of conversation but i never did anything outrageous nor did i insult her and i kept looking to my fiance with desperation in my eyes for him to step in and help out i felt like i was in a twilight zone there was no attempt of understanding what i was trying to say or do....and when i finally spoke up and said are you going to help me here am i missing something?? he responded: "you need to calm down, i dont like your mannerisms and at the end of the day this is my mom and you need to respect her." PERIOD. he never stuck up for me, he never had my back and he actually moved a bit away from me after that. I was floored but most of all heart broken, i feel so sad so dumb i feel like saying and at the end of the day who am i to you? he should have had my back im not asking himt o bash his mom or disrespect her or anything like that but to throw me under thte table and make it clear, he drew a thick bold line that his mother has his utmost respect and i simply do not......am i right? is this absically what he was sayinbg? i am in shock and i dont know wh at to do, i honestly do not know if i can move past this......please please help.
So, please bare with me here, I need some genuine advice. I know it is impossible to know everything there is need to know in order to give proper advice but ill try my best to recap the last 15 months of my life...
My father in law passed away suddenly..so my mil asked us to move in with her, we accepted and moved in immediately. we already had a 2 yr old and were 8.5 months pregnant expecting our second.
apparently my guy came into this situation with a new role "man of the house" which required him to do things and some time would be taken from his family so he could do these things. as much as i tried to not let my emotions get the best of me, they did. i started getting jealous of the time he was spending away from me and the girls and the time he was devoting to things around the house, but what got me the most was how he became such a cleaner...dishes, floor, organizing, keeping everything tidy. he was not a helper in our home. and although he wont straight out admit it is because his mother would complain otherwise and have it no other way and he clearly respects his mother....he would say we have a responsibility...and yes i understand that, but the responsibility was taken to the extreme. i couldnt even enjoy a breakfast or any meal with my children at ease bc everything needs to be clean, i find myself skipping out on meals to clean the mess instead because if i dont do it right away she will. she likes the house to be dark all the time to save money, how am i supposed to live like that? in a dungeon. if i turn a light on she turns it off...all of the time. she has gotten in the middle of child rearing causing me to have to be somewhat rude in asking her to not do that, explaining that while yes a grandmothers role isnt the same as a parents but we live with her so she cannot make us look like the bad guy by making sad faces at my daughter from across the room when we are disciplining her.. so many things..i cannot possibly list them all. i have asked her several times to sit down and talk with me if something is bothering her-she wont do it she just tells my fiance so ofcourse he cannot handle getting complaints from both ends..
well long story short, 2 nights ago things got crazy bc he knows in his heart how utterly annoying it is to live where we live, there are so many expectations and u just feel like u cant live....everything has tobe pretty and perfect and neat and we have a toddler and a baby! reality is....i am not going to spend every second cleaning and missing out on my kids growing.. i dont feel my fiance EVER fully understood any way i was feeling and his excuse is i never approach him kindly and hge is probably right, but am i convinced that would help?!
anyway getting back to the point my guy and his mom got into it really bad two nights ago apparentlythey were really letting off steam it was BAD....i went out there about an hour into it figguring while im a huge part of this so lets all squash it out. i kept trying to explain my part in this, i asked them to try and see things from my point of view, i admitted to some faults, but my mother in law kept channeling in on things she wanted to hear, for example i said moving our family into her home was not a good idea for us families need their space and she took that as "ITS SO SAD YOU'RE BLAMING ME FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS" no matter how many times i said it or how i worded it...she kept repeating that phrase. she also screamed at me that i am a rude person, she also told me i am possesive, explosive and jealous.i never once called her a name. my voice did raise a few times b/c it was that type of conversation but i never did anything outrageous nor did i insult her and i kept looking to my fiance with desperation in my eyes for him to step in and help out i felt like i was in a twilight zone there was no attempt of understanding what i was trying to say or do....and when i finally spoke up and said are you going to help me here am i missing something?? he responded: "you need to calm down, i dont like your mannerisms and at the end of the day this is my mom and you need to respect her." PERIOD. he never stuck up for me, he never had my back and he actually moved a bit away from me after that. I was floored but most of all heart broken, i feel so sad so dumb i feel like saying and at the end of the day who am i to you? he should have had my back im not asking himt o bash his mom or disrespect her or anything like that but to throw me under thte table and make it clear, he drew a thick bold line that his mother has his utmost respect and i simply do not......am i right? is this absically what he was sayinbg? i am in shock and i dont know wh at to do, i honestly do not know if i can move past this......please please help.
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