Im having a really hard time at home, and i am desperate to leave. My family are muslim, quite strict. My father doesn't allow me to go out everyday, only to college and back. my curfew is 5.30pm no later. im allowed out saturday during the day, again curfew at 5.30pm. These strict rules have led me to live a double life i would say, outside my front door my parents and family don't know who i am. ive done bad things, ive been through a lot and had to go through them on my own. ive been depressed mostly over the past year or so. Unfortunatly i fell pregnant early 2013, i aborted ,my child as it is shameful to have a baby out of wed lock, nevermind that my family still think i am a virgin. after i aborted my child, my mother soon fell pregnant. i watched her go through the stages of pregnancy thinking it should be me to She gave birth and i fell into deep depression and had a breakdown, doing all the haram things i can think of. smoking weed to numb the pain for a few hours until reality hit me. i cant even look at my new baby brother. having nobody to talk too, having a house full of boys, 3 brothers and a mother who i cant talk too it was very hard for me and still is. Ive found myself a job in london with accommodation, i desperately plan to leave as i cant keep living like this. i need time to myself i havent had a chance to properly grieve the way i should. I love my family but the constant disappointing them and myself and the way i feel, i cant go on like this. im very scared, but the position of this new job has to be taken very soon. i need answers on what i should do? has anybody out there been in a position where they had to leave, who are muslim? if so, what happened? the one thing that is really stopping me from leaving is the pain and stress i will cause my parents, my brothers , my family ): the shame i will bring, if i leave. all because of a selfish act, which i feel needs to be done so i can feel a little weight will be lifted if i can just breathe. i just want to leave, sit in a corner of a room and just cry and cry for days. please someone help me, what shall i do?
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