Hi all. I will try to keep the background story brief. Early January notice a change in wife's behaviour. Colder more distant. She used the classic I love you but am not in love with you, and proceeded to list all the problems she had with me (all new to me). I set about proving that I could change (a good plan A).
In late February I discovered emails that showed she had been having an affair since at least early January. I confronted and exposed to everyone I could. She agreed to cut off all contact and I asked she tell me if he contacted her. She continued lying and was furious at the same time as she thought the exposure was controlling and an attack on her. I confronted her about the fact she had changed her passcode on her phone, she admitted to still being in touch with him. I asked her again to let me know if he contacted her.
Things turned far nastier. She started making blaming me for even more things and telling all her friends lies about me. I tried to continue to plan A for about another 4 weeks. I then discovered she was still lying, deleting texts on her phone and also meeting up with him. I asked her to leave (in hindsight a mistake I think), left it a few weeks and then made it clear that I was willing to work on the marriage as long as she ended the affair.
She has moved quite far away from all her friends, I suspect so she can carry on the affair in privacy.
Today she has contacted me with the following letter:
"I feel the time is right to contact you with regards to us
I have thought long and hard about our relationship and cannot see a way to resolve it and moving forward.
I know this will require a legal element and have instructed a solicitor to act on my behalf."
My question is, I hold out little hope now for reconciliation but I want to try to do the best I can to improve myself and learn from this experience. Can anyone advise me what I can do next?
In late February I discovered emails that showed she had been having an affair since at least early January. I confronted and exposed to everyone I could. She agreed to cut off all contact and I asked she tell me if he contacted her. She continued lying and was furious at the same time as she thought the exposure was controlling and an attack on her. I confronted her about the fact she had changed her passcode on her phone, she admitted to still being in touch with him. I asked her again to let me know if he contacted her.
Things turned far nastier. She started making blaming me for even more things and telling all her friends lies about me. I tried to continue to plan A for about another 4 weeks. I then discovered she was still lying, deleting texts on her phone and also meeting up with him. I asked her to leave (in hindsight a mistake I think), left it a few weeks and then made it clear that I was willing to work on the marriage as long as she ended the affair.
She has moved quite far away from all her friends, I suspect so she can carry on the affair in privacy.
Today she has contacted me with the following letter:
"I feel the time is right to contact you with regards to us
I have thought long and hard about our relationship and cannot see a way to resolve it and moving forward.
I know this will require a legal element and have instructed a solicitor to act on my behalf."
My question is, I hold out little hope now for reconciliation but I want to try to do the best I can to improve myself and learn from this experience. Can anyone advise me what I can do next?
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