I am very unsure of where things are going in my marriage and really could use input. Sorry this is a long story.
It all came to light about 6 weeks ago. I told my husband that I was going on a trip with a girlfriend. He has been extremely upset about not being included and/or the fact that I would be taking a vacation without him but it has escalated over the last few weeks to the point that basically he said that if I go we are done. A couple of days ago I said to him that if it has come to that then I would not go. Even though I really do want to still go. I guess I am being selfish. I haven't cancelled the trip yet. But .....
I'll try to give a brief history. We have been together about
20 years, married 3. My husband is a high functioning alcoholic.
We both work, but from time to time he has been out of work and I support him and the house. For the most part he does contribute to about 1/3 of the bills. We have been successful and have a big house on a lake, a big boat on another lake, cars, take lots of trips, etc, etc. Finances are none of the problem. The kids are all gone and have families of their own.
Fast forward to now. The arguments are being started daily by him, usually after a few drinks. He will yell and carry on for hours, through all that he keeps saying that he loves me with all his heart and that I am killing him. He always throws in there
"why did I say yes" and the fact that HE made me wait for so long before he would marry me. The next day same thing after a few drinks - and it all begins again. One night he admitted to me that he is a control freak. Basically what I get out of this is that its all about either his way or the highway. I am very tired of this.
Last week I made the mistake of going to a girlfriends house after work because I didn't want to go home to another argument and I admit I lied to him about where I was. I have never lied to him before and felt terrible about it so I fessed up the next day.
Last night again, prime example. We had some work to do around the house that required both of us to complete. We had dinner then did the work, no arguments. Afterwards he gets into a few drinks. He and I had a shower and we went to bed. It was in bed that he started the same argument AGAIN! I kept saying to him this I was very tired (because he had kept me up until about 12.30 am two nights ago) so I just wanted to go to sleep. He would not relent so I ended up leaving and sleeping in the spare room.
At 6.00 am this morning he started again. Now he NEVER gets up early with me, but this morning he had to come downstairs just to start this again. And he kept say "you did this".
Another funny thing. With all this arguing he is so touchy feely.
When we do get to bed he wants me to hug him and hold him and tell me that I love him. I just want to sleep from exhaustion and I am still mad. Why is he doing this?
He can be a great guy, he is home earlier than I am and cooks most dinners, does some laundry, etc. So I know that if I do take this vacation he is very capable of taking care of himself.
I am getting to the point of exhaustion and am very frustrated with the whole situation. I am to the point that I think I am done because I refuse to live like this much longer.
Can somebody help me with some ideas or thoughts. I really do love him (I am getting to the point though that I don't like him). I've told him that he HAS to stop this drinking, and as normal with most alcoholics he tries to turn the table and say that for him to stop drinking I have to quit smoking (of which he does too), or stop drinking pop. Oh, he has told me so many times that he can quit whenever he wants to and will stop but I've heard it so many times that those words mean nothing to me now.
Should I give up and get out for my own sanity?
Maybe I am going through day to day now like a horse with blinkers on and hoping things will change and get better.
I thought that when I told him I wouldn't go life would get back to normal. Maybe there is no normal anymore.
Thoughts anyone !!!:scratchhead::confused::mad:
It all came to light about 6 weeks ago. I told my husband that I was going on a trip with a girlfriend. He has been extremely upset about not being included and/or the fact that I would be taking a vacation without him but it has escalated over the last few weeks to the point that basically he said that if I go we are done. A couple of days ago I said to him that if it has come to that then I would not go. Even though I really do want to still go. I guess I am being selfish. I haven't cancelled the trip yet. But .....
I'll try to give a brief history. We have been together about
20 years, married 3. My husband is a high functioning alcoholic.
We both work, but from time to time he has been out of work and I support him and the house. For the most part he does contribute to about 1/3 of the bills. We have been successful and have a big house on a lake, a big boat on another lake, cars, take lots of trips, etc, etc. Finances are none of the problem. The kids are all gone and have families of their own.
Fast forward to now. The arguments are being started daily by him, usually after a few drinks. He will yell and carry on for hours, through all that he keeps saying that he loves me with all his heart and that I am killing him. He always throws in there
"why did I say yes" and the fact that HE made me wait for so long before he would marry me. The next day same thing after a few drinks - and it all begins again. One night he admitted to me that he is a control freak. Basically what I get out of this is that its all about either his way or the highway. I am very tired of this.
Last week I made the mistake of going to a girlfriends house after work because I didn't want to go home to another argument and I admit I lied to him about where I was. I have never lied to him before and felt terrible about it so I fessed up the next day.
Last night again, prime example. We had some work to do around the house that required both of us to complete. We had dinner then did the work, no arguments. Afterwards he gets into a few drinks. He and I had a shower and we went to bed. It was in bed that he started the same argument AGAIN! I kept saying to him this I was very tired (because he had kept me up until about 12.30 am two nights ago) so I just wanted to go to sleep. He would not relent so I ended up leaving and sleeping in the spare room.
At 6.00 am this morning he started again. Now he NEVER gets up early with me, but this morning he had to come downstairs just to start this again. And he kept say "you did this".
Another funny thing. With all this arguing he is so touchy feely.
When we do get to bed he wants me to hug him and hold him and tell me that I love him. I just want to sleep from exhaustion and I am still mad. Why is he doing this?
He can be a great guy, he is home earlier than I am and cooks most dinners, does some laundry, etc. So I know that if I do take this vacation he is very capable of taking care of himself.
I am getting to the point of exhaustion and am very frustrated with the whole situation. I am to the point that I think I am done because I refuse to live like this much longer.
Can somebody help me with some ideas or thoughts. I really do love him (I am getting to the point though that I don't like him). I've told him that he HAS to stop this drinking, and as normal with most alcoholics he tries to turn the table and say that for him to stop drinking I have to quit smoking (of which he does too), or stop drinking pop. Oh, he has told me so many times that he can quit whenever he wants to and will stop but I've heard it so many times that those words mean nothing to me now.
Should I give up and get out for my own sanity?
Maybe I am going through day to day now like a horse with blinkers on and hoping things will change and get better.
I thought that when I told him I wouldn't go life would get back to normal. Maybe there is no normal anymore.
Thoughts anyone !!!:scratchhead::confused::mad:
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