(A bit long, but, this is my goodbye to TSR, our time together is coming to an end i'm afraid :(, but as a parting 'gift' i want this thread to hopefully help a lot of those lost poor sods out there (as evidenced in these recurring thread topics) who are in a position i was once in 
. This post is the culmination of years and years of experience, and what I wish I knew at 16-18 which a lot of you are )
I am not a stranger to this myself. People around me in my 'real' life see me as a vain and emotionally unavailable douchebag (I can freely admit to TSR that this is a defensive mechanism, I am not ashamed of that). I have a persona in real life just as I have a persona on here, but here is where you get my inner thoughts. I have had to 'walk away' at one particularly [very] painful time and change after heartbreak that it has turned me into this person. And that is what I believe you have to do, 'walk away'. For, in a lot of these situations where the girl (or guy) does not like you when you like them romantically, you have lost (big time) already. There is only pain and self destruction if you keep seeing her (and whoever she is with). It is not easy to walk away; you will face unbelievable pain at first. You don't see them, you don't Facebook them, you cut out all reminders of them. They may as well be non-existent. It is unbelievably difficult at first, but, it gets better.
Take heart, in the fact that "You'll never walk alone", I've been there, and many better men than me have been there.
And believe me, the situations are not always a simple "girl does not like me, I am heartbroken". It is very difficult crap that can kick anyone down. Sometimes, the girl you are 'in love with' (I hate that cringe phrase) could then be taken by a close friend, a family member, an enemy. In a whole multitude of ****ed up scenarios may I add, because that is life.
Now, my experiences, I have told this before on this forum and I hate bringing up bygones but I believe it really puts my point into perspective. And why I really believe in what I am telling you. I have been cheated on before by a girl I knew for 15 years and was in a relationship in for 2 years. Our families were close friends and we had been close all our lives.
This crap was back in 2009. I was in hospital for a 2 lung operations, I was in the ICU (intensive care unit) (I can't even remember how long I was in there for, I was drugged up to the eyeballs) because the initial operation did not work. I was stuck to the wall to a chest drain for a month and a half, with the prospect of a last ditch operation after the initial two (yep, I had one a few months back too) I did not know whether I was going to die.
… And she cheated on me with my best mate at the time. This was happening all the while when both were visiting me in hospital. You can imagine, it was a very very dark time for me. Genuine trauma like this takes a lot of time and 'regrowing' one's sense of self to get over. I ignored all of the attempts they made to contact me, I let them have each other. In effect, I never talked to them again. For me, it was the only thing that I knew would work. I was just a kid back then you know, I wish I knew, but it was all too late when i was in hospital for so long. I wanted to die. I had my A2 final exams coming up and I don't know how, but sheer rage got me motivated to not let me **** my final grades up because of them. I got into a RG Law school and in the end I also got revenge on a dish served cold. In my case, it was also sweet revenge on both of them.
How did I do this? I worked to improve myself relentlessly. I was not a gym prick like my best mate at the time so I changed that. I became "Vain". I wanted to become better than him but when I did, I kept going. At the time I was a boy, very inexperienced with how to manage my relationships with women. So I worked on that relentlessly. I also worked so hard on my business and my degree. I went to law school after my gap year, got into the most exclusive parties in the country because I went to the gym with two of the Made in Chelsea lads (and some other lads in law school). I let them see the life I had created for myself on Facebook. I let them see all of the new more attractive girls I was seeing. I never talked to them again. This was my own way of coping with the grief I felt, blind rage was not the option for me. And I think it is the best way to get over it. You may do something else such as travel to somewhere beautiful where you have never been before. With these things, either you crash and burn, or it moulds you into someone new. Your choice, red pill or blue pill.
As a postscript, It also taught me something very important in terms of how I treat women. A very important thing to me is to decide whether the woman deserves to be emotionally manipulated. If the woman messes other men around, by all means, manipulate her. BUT, I never emotionally mess around women who are genuinely good people, that is a scumbag thing to do and it goes against everything I believe in. I always walk away if there is a chance that I could hurt them. I believe in leaving the good girls (who don't play games and actively seek other men) better than I found them. Through shared experiences etc. I may not be in love with them, nor am I a particularly nice and pleasant guy a lot of the time, but I really believe in creating happiness for them in the short time we are together. I leave if it gets too real/serious because I am commitment-phobic and afraid of emotional attachment. I am a coward in that sense, but, I believe it is for both of the partie's own good. I would not recommend walking away to such an extent as I have ultimately made a habit, but, ultimately, it is usually for the best.
The pain of these [breakups, friendzones ,unrequited love] never quite goes away. Wounds turn into long since faded scars. It does not hurt anymore, but you remember faintly that it used to. However, life also has a funny way of also telling you how far you grow. I was walking around in Waitrose 2 years ago with a girl I was seeing, and to my surprise there was a girl who friend-zoned me before back in sixth form, before I got into a serious relationship with my ex (who remains the only relationship I have ever had). She ended up seeing one of my friends after kissing me and stringing me along. Well, surprise, she was working in the bakery and checkouts section of Waitrose. Over a year, I walked through those doors of Waitrose time and time again with this girl I was seeing casually and her friends, I did not speak to the girl who had friend-zoned me. It was brilliant, and again, it is life.
Life does get better.
I leave TSR now, with a track from around all those years ago, a tribute to all those bygone girls, it was swell knowing you. So, thank you without any hard feelings, because without you, there would have been no "Vain":
. This post is the culmination of years and years of experience, and what I wish I knew at 16-18 which a lot of you are )I am not a stranger to this myself. People around me in my 'real' life see me as a vain and emotionally unavailable douchebag (I can freely admit to TSR that this is a defensive mechanism, I am not ashamed of that). I have a persona in real life just as I have a persona on here, but here is where you get my inner thoughts. I have had to 'walk away' at one particularly [very] painful time and change after heartbreak that it has turned me into this person. And that is what I believe you have to do, 'walk away'. For, in a lot of these situations where the girl (or guy) does not like you when you like them romantically, you have lost (big time) already. There is only pain and self destruction if you keep seeing her (and whoever she is with). It is not easy to walk away; you will face unbelievable pain at first. You don't see them, you don't Facebook them, you cut out all reminders of them. They may as well be non-existent. It is unbelievably difficult at first, but, it gets better.
Take heart, in the fact that "You'll never walk alone", I've been there, and many better men than me have been there.
And believe me, the situations are not always a simple "girl does not like me, I am heartbroken". It is very difficult crap that can kick anyone down. Sometimes, the girl you are 'in love with' (I hate that cringe phrase) could then be taken by a close friend, a family member, an enemy. In a whole multitude of ****ed up scenarios may I add, because that is life.
Now, my experiences, I have told this before on this forum and I hate bringing up bygones but I believe it really puts my point into perspective. And why I really believe in what I am telling you. I have been cheated on before by a girl I knew for 15 years and was in a relationship in for 2 years. Our families were close friends and we had been close all our lives.
This crap was back in 2009. I was in hospital for a 2 lung operations, I was in the ICU (intensive care unit) (I can't even remember how long I was in there for, I was drugged up to the eyeballs) because the initial operation did not work. I was stuck to the wall to a chest drain for a month and a half, with the prospect of a last ditch operation after the initial two (yep, I had one a few months back too) I did not know whether I was going to die.
… And she cheated on me with my best mate at the time. This was happening all the while when both were visiting me in hospital. You can imagine, it was a very very dark time for me. Genuine trauma like this takes a lot of time and 'regrowing' one's sense of self to get over. I ignored all of the attempts they made to contact me, I let them have each other. In effect, I never talked to them again. For me, it was the only thing that I knew would work. I was just a kid back then you know, I wish I knew, but it was all too late when i was in hospital for so long. I wanted to die. I had my A2 final exams coming up and I don't know how, but sheer rage got me motivated to not let me **** my final grades up because of them. I got into a RG Law school and in the end I also got revenge on a dish served cold. In my case, it was also sweet revenge on both of them.
How did I do this? I worked to improve myself relentlessly. I was not a gym prick like my best mate at the time so I changed that. I became "Vain". I wanted to become better than him but when I did, I kept going. At the time I was a boy, very inexperienced with how to manage my relationships with women. So I worked on that relentlessly. I also worked so hard on my business and my degree. I went to law school after my gap year, got into the most exclusive parties in the country because I went to the gym with two of the Made in Chelsea lads (and some other lads in law school). I let them see the life I had created for myself on Facebook. I let them see all of the new more attractive girls I was seeing. I never talked to them again. This was my own way of coping with the grief I felt, blind rage was not the option for me. And I think it is the best way to get over it. You may do something else such as travel to somewhere beautiful where you have never been before. With these things, either you crash and burn, or it moulds you into someone new. Your choice, red pill or blue pill.
As a postscript, It also taught me something very important in terms of how I treat women. A very important thing to me is to decide whether the woman deserves to be emotionally manipulated. If the woman messes other men around, by all means, manipulate her. BUT, I never emotionally mess around women who are genuinely good people, that is a scumbag thing to do and it goes against everything I believe in. I always walk away if there is a chance that I could hurt them. I believe in leaving the good girls (who don't play games and actively seek other men) better than I found them. Through shared experiences etc. I may not be in love with them, nor am I a particularly nice and pleasant guy a lot of the time, but I really believe in creating happiness for them in the short time we are together. I leave if it gets too real/serious because I am commitment-phobic and afraid of emotional attachment. I am a coward in that sense, but, I believe it is for both of the partie's own good. I would not recommend walking away to such an extent as I have ultimately made a habit, but, ultimately, it is usually for the best.
The pain of these [breakups, friendzones ,unrequited love] never quite goes away. Wounds turn into long since faded scars. It does not hurt anymore, but you remember faintly that it used to. However, life also has a funny way of also telling you how far you grow. I was walking around in Waitrose 2 years ago with a girl I was seeing, and to my surprise there was a girl who friend-zoned me before back in sixth form, before I got into a serious relationship with my ex (who remains the only relationship I have ever had). She ended up seeing one of my friends after kissing me and stringing me along. Well, surprise, she was working in the bakery and checkouts section of Waitrose. Over a year, I walked through those doors of Waitrose time and time again with this girl I was seeing casually and her friends, I did not speak to the girl who had friend-zoned me. It was brilliant, and again, it is life.
Life does get better.
I leave TSR now, with a track from around all those years ago, a tribute to all those bygone girls, it was swell knowing you. So, thank you without any hard feelings, because without you, there would have been no "Vain":
Put the internet to work for you.
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