Ok, this is long but I really need some help. Thanks ahead of time for any advice.
We've hit a rocky patch. We're both in our mid-twenties and she's one of the sweetest girls I've met. Marriage talk started early as we're compatible in many ways and it's now been a year together. During the middle-part tho I had a weird depression hit me that i've never had before. I was prescribed antidepressants and went to therapy. Honestly, one of the worst periods ever. Now, I'm off medicine and feel like I can think again. It's been hard getting back on track after that and my girlfriend (although frustrated bc she couldn't understand at times) has stuck by me through it all. I couldn't think of marriage after this and had to get things back on track so when I stopped talking about it, she freaked out. I explained I had to get my crap together before I could get back on that subject.
Well, through all of this it got me thinking about things that aren't working in our relationship. The big one is the sex- she says she's not a sexual person. Anytime I try to initiate sex, most of the time she's awkward and blocks me off. This has really damaged my self-esteem over time, but I accept responsibilty for letting myself feel this way. I try talking to her, but it makes her feel pressured and all she says is she's not a sexual person and she's always been that way.
I could accept that if it wasn't for knowing a little of her past. 7 months before I met her, she got out of a 2 year relationship with your typical bad boy abuser guy that she lost her virginity too and he treated her horribly and ran her self-esteem into the ground.
Ever since we began getting sexual, she was awkward. I never felt like she could loosen up and that she would ever have an orgasm. She made mention early on of some of the stuff her ex told her like she was loose and rough and beat up down there, that she couldn't have been a virgin, that she was awful at sex and kissing. I took her actions during sex that she was just inexperienced and I could help her learn herself. Well, she hasn't really given me that chance as I feel a wall up and now I rarely try to initiate and have started to shutdown.
I just can't help but feel maybe she isn't attracted to me that way and that is why she's "not sexual". I'm not a bad looking guy other- I'm clean-cut, have a good job, and treat her well. She has said that she wished she would have saved herself for me so she'd be pure but I told her that doesn't matter to me.
The comments that have got me insecure are her saying that things with her ex were wrong and lustful. With me, she said it's true love. When I asked if she lusted after me, she said no bc she loves me. I've asked her during times I've been shut down if she's not attracted to me. I've had talks where I've tried to communicate how I feel and figure out what's going on with her but it's always she's just not sexual. Yet, she still wants marriage right now. She's not too pushy but she is a little. I'm now feeling in my mind that I'm the good guy she's found to settle with bc I have the "appropriate" traits. However, feeling that she doesn't desire me in that way and maybe was more like that for someone else really bothers me.
Can you all help me on what may be going on and how to approach it? I really want to emphasize that I care for this girl and want things to work out. Thanks for any help.
We've hit a rocky patch. We're both in our mid-twenties and she's one of the sweetest girls I've met. Marriage talk started early as we're compatible in many ways and it's now been a year together. During the middle-part tho I had a weird depression hit me that i've never had before. I was prescribed antidepressants and went to therapy. Honestly, one of the worst periods ever. Now, I'm off medicine and feel like I can think again. It's been hard getting back on track after that and my girlfriend (although frustrated bc she couldn't understand at times) has stuck by me through it all. I couldn't think of marriage after this and had to get things back on track so when I stopped talking about it, she freaked out. I explained I had to get my crap together before I could get back on that subject.
Well, through all of this it got me thinking about things that aren't working in our relationship. The big one is the sex- she says she's not a sexual person. Anytime I try to initiate sex, most of the time she's awkward and blocks me off. This has really damaged my self-esteem over time, but I accept responsibilty for letting myself feel this way. I try talking to her, but it makes her feel pressured and all she says is she's not a sexual person and she's always been that way.
I could accept that if it wasn't for knowing a little of her past. 7 months before I met her, she got out of a 2 year relationship with your typical bad boy abuser guy that she lost her virginity too and he treated her horribly and ran her self-esteem into the ground.
Ever since we began getting sexual, she was awkward. I never felt like she could loosen up and that she would ever have an orgasm. She made mention early on of some of the stuff her ex told her like she was loose and rough and beat up down there, that she couldn't have been a virgin, that she was awful at sex and kissing. I took her actions during sex that she was just inexperienced and I could help her learn herself. Well, she hasn't really given me that chance as I feel a wall up and now I rarely try to initiate and have started to shutdown.
I just can't help but feel maybe she isn't attracted to me that way and that is why she's "not sexual". I'm not a bad looking guy other- I'm clean-cut, have a good job, and treat her well. She has said that she wished she would have saved herself for me so she'd be pure but I told her that doesn't matter to me.
The comments that have got me insecure are her saying that things with her ex were wrong and lustful. With me, she said it's true love. When I asked if she lusted after me, she said no bc she loves me. I've asked her during times I've been shut down if she's not attracted to me. I've had talks where I've tried to communicate how I feel and figure out what's going on with her but it's always she's just not sexual. Yet, she still wants marriage right now. She's not too pushy but she is a little. I'm now feeling in my mind that I'm the good guy she's found to settle with bc I have the "appropriate" traits. However, feeling that she doesn't desire me in that way and maybe was more like that for someone else really bothers me.
Can you all help me on what may be going on and how to approach it? I really want to emphasize that I care for this girl and want things to work out. Thanks for any help.
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