I have a couple of issues in my marriage. Firstly, my husband is a huge gamer, and I always feel like that is the most important thing in his life. When he wakes up in the morning, the first thing he does is turn on a gaming system. He games for at least 4 hours a day. This used to be more, but now he has a part time job. It is a constant hot button issue for both of us. I think he should not default directly to video games the second he has a free moment, and he believes that I should come up with an alternative activity to pull him away from the game.
The second issue is smoking. He has always been a smoker, and I have always been understanding and supportive of efforts to quit, and subsequent inability to follow through with quitting. Then, he was able to quit for over a year and a half. I got used to the nice, clean smell of my husband. Then, one day, I caught him smoking with the neighbor in the middle of the night. Since then, he has said he has become re-addicted. He was prescribed an inhaler to help him stop. He didn't like it. He uses losanges, and says they really work. He will not smoke at home, preferring losanges. However, he smokes on his breaks at work and admits that he doesn't have to, but he likes the social aspect. Since I have had the opportunity to live without it for so long, I can not stand the smell. I do not want to hug, kiss, or be anywhere near him when I can smell it on him. All the cologne, soap, and mouthwash in the world can not remove the smell, but instead mixes so that I can no longer stand the smell of his cologne, soap, or mouthwash. I told him that every time he makes the decision to smoke with his friends, he is making the decision that those 15 minutes of social time he gets with them is more important than our intimacy, and ultimately our relationship (because of the fact that he is truly starting to disgust me.)
The next thing is Christmas. He is constantly saying I am difficult to buy for, but I really think he just does not care. This year, I told him there were 4 things I wanted, and if he could just get me one, I would be happy. I asked for either a massage, a pedicure, a manicure, or a diamond candle. Easy. He asked for a PS4, and he got it early, with 3 games. He got me a coat from Amazon. That was 8 sizes too small, because he didn't bother to read that the sizes were Chinese, and right on the description, it gave the comparison to US sizes. Also, I am notoriously frugal, and make the bulk of the money, and he knows how I feel about wasted money, yet he did not even notice that shipping for the jacket was $30. So a $40 jacket became not only $70, but completely nonreturnable. This wasn't even some kind of special jacket you can only get in China. The local Burlington sells it, but he could not even be bothered to leave the house to get my present. So, for my Christmas present, he threw away $70. Then, he got irritated with me that I was ungrateful and difficult. I asked him why he just didn't get what I asked for and he admitted that he had no idea what I asked for, even though I told him multiple times, and he remembers being told. The way I see it, he just did not care enough to remember what I said.
I just really feel like I am unimportant to him. Am I wrong?
The second issue is smoking. He has always been a smoker, and I have always been understanding and supportive of efforts to quit, and subsequent inability to follow through with quitting. Then, he was able to quit for over a year and a half. I got used to the nice, clean smell of my husband. Then, one day, I caught him smoking with the neighbor in the middle of the night. Since then, he has said he has become re-addicted. He was prescribed an inhaler to help him stop. He didn't like it. He uses losanges, and says they really work. He will not smoke at home, preferring losanges. However, he smokes on his breaks at work and admits that he doesn't have to, but he likes the social aspect. Since I have had the opportunity to live without it for so long, I can not stand the smell. I do not want to hug, kiss, or be anywhere near him when I can smell it on him. All the cologne, soap, and mouthwash in the world can not remove the smell, but instead mixes so that I can no longer stand the smell of his cologne, soap, or mouthwash. I told him that every time he makes the decision to smoke with his friends, he is making the decision that those 15 minutes of social time he gets with them is more important than our intimacy, and ultimately our relationship (because of the fact that he is truly starting to disgust me.)
The next thing is Christmas. He is constantly saying I am difficult to buy for, but I really think he just does not care. This year, I told him there were 4 things I wanted, and if he could just get me one, I would be happy. I asked for either a massage, a pedicure, a manicure, or a diamond candle. Easy. He asked for a PS4, and he got it early, with 3 games. He got me a coat from Amazon. That was 8 sizes too small, because he didn't bother to read that the sizes were Chinese, and right on the description, it gave the comparison to US sizes. Also, I am notoriously frugal, and make the bulk of the money, and he knows how I feel about wasted money, yet he did not even notice that shipping for the jacket was $30. So a $40 jacket became not only $70, but completely nonreturnable. This wasn't even some kind of special jacket you can only get in China. The local Burlington sells it, but he could not even be bothered to leave the house to get my present. So, for my Christmas present, he threw away $70. Then, he got irritated with me that I was ungrateful and difficult. I asked him why he just didn't get what I asked for and he admitted that he had no idea what I asked for, even though I told him multiple times, and he remembers being told. The way I see it, he just did not care enough to remember what I said.
I just really feel like I am unimportant to him. Am I wrong?
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