Hi,
I've not been on here in a long time. I had a situation that came up that is an ongoing pattern in our marriage.
My husband has a sore elbow (for a long time...years). I am aware that it is an issue and I care about him, but I imagine I don't think about it as much as he does (obviously b/c he is the one in pain). Here's what happened...
I was carrying things. I asked him if he could carry some of the things. I handed them to him. Let's just describe it this way. I handed him a book with a magazine on top. All he saw was the magazine, so when he took the items it caught him off guard and he had to sort of adjust suddenly as he felt he may drop them. That caused his elbow to get sore again (it had been feeling a little better).
He got quiet (he's not much the quiet type) and then later said he had to get it off his chest that he felt like I set him up to get hurt. Now, he's not accusing me of intentionally hurting him, but he said he doesn't trust me to not cause him pain. I stayed really calm in all of this (mostly) and just let him talk and listened the best I could (thank you Al Turtle). He said that if he'd known there was a book underneath he could have handled it differently. I really do understand, but how responsible am I here? He's a grown man and aware that he has an issue. He actually used the word boobytrapped three times.
I don't know if I am being insensitive or if I'm being unfairly blamed. I actually had a consultation over a year ago with Al turtle about a very similar issue (I adjusted my hand while we were carrying something large and didn't warn him and it caused him to be hurt in a similar way). Al said no way am I responsible for that. We're all responsible for our own bodies. But, how does one get another person to see that they are unfairly blaming?
I didn't make a big fuss about hurting him right when it happened, and I have a feeling that if I did this would not be as big a deal as it is.
If I could hit rewind on the situation, I would tell him what was in the stack, of course. I do not want to see him in pain. But, where does this end? How responsible for his well being am I?
I feel like this is manipulative. I feel like I often suppress my outrage at this unfair blame and it causes me a great deal of anxiety to just quietly endure this.
thank you for reading this and providing any perspective.
-k
I've not been on here in a long time. I had a situation that came up that is an ongoing pattern in our marriage.
My husband has a sore elbow (for a long time...years). I am aware that it is an issue and I care about him, but I imagine I don't think about it as much as he does (obviously b/c he is the one in pain). Here's what happened...
I was carrying things. I asked him if he could carry some of the things. I handed them to him. Let's just describe it this way. I handed him a book with a magazine on top. All he saw was the magazine, so when he took the items it caught him off guard and he had to sort of adjust suddenly as he felt he may drop them. That caused his elbow to get sore again (it had been feeling a little better).
He got quiet (he's not much the quiet type) and then later said he had to get it off his chest that he felt like I set him up to get hurt. Now, he's not accusing me of intentionally hurting him, but he said he doesn't trust me to not cause him pain. I stayed really calm in all of this (mostly) and just let him talk and listened the best I could (thank you Al Turtle). He said that if he'd known there was a book underneath he could have handled it differently. I really do understand, but how responsible am I here? He's a grown man and aware that he has an issue. He actually used the word boobytrapped three times.
I don't know if I am being insensitive or if I'm being unfairly blamed. I actually had a consultation over a year ago with Al turtle about a very similar issue (I adjusted my hand while we were carrying something large and didn't warn him and it caused him to be hurt in a similar way). Al said no way am I responsible for that. We're all responsible for our own bodies. But, how does one get another person to see that they are unfairly blaming?
I didn't make a big fuss about hurting him right when it happened, and I have a feeling that if I did this would not be as big a deal as it is.
If I could hit rewind on the situation, I would tell him what was in the stack, of course. I do not want to see him in pain. But, where does this end? How responsible for his well being am I?
I feel like this is manipulative. I feel like I often suppress my outrage at this unfair blame and it causes me a great deal of anxiety to just quietly endure this.
thank you for reading this and providing any perspective.
-k
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