I dated my wife for almost three years. She's lived with her mom her whole life and she's 36. This is my 2nd marriage. The first one failed due to financial issues. We lost a bunch of rental properties during the housing bubble..and the foreclosure pressure was just too much to bare.
So this time I wanted to iron this stuff out before we got married. I asked her what the arrangement would be and told her how I thought it should be.
So i didn't really get any feedback...I married her anyways...So we're married and i'm feeling generous, i wanted her to have extra money because she was pretty strapped before. I knew she intended to help her mom with her mortgage of 700.00/m..
So i tell her, "guess what, i'm not going to require you to pay any rent, utilities, or groceries that way you can have extra money to enjoy life".
I also pay for meals and entertainment.
So apparently this was not what she expected. Since she intended to continue paying her moms mortgage after she left, she still wouldn't have any money left over. I did not know this at all..I figured she would be helping her, i didn't know she planned to keep paying the whole thing. Her mom works and is not poor.
Her reasoning is that her mom didn't want to buy a house, she made an agreement ten years ago that if they bought a house, she would pay the mortgage.
I make three times more than she does, I have two teenage daughters and paid alimony for two years. So I have my own bills to pay and some of them i'm behind on.
So...it really hurts me that she does not see the situation as a great deal for her, free rent, utilities, groceries, meals, and entertainment. I feel that she is some sort of gold digger because that's not enough...She says that it's going to be our house someday because she's an only child..
I feel a lot of pressure about this situation. I have this wife who is not very happy due to the financial situation...but there's nothing more i can do for her at this time. I try to talk to her and she gets proud and says "i don't want your f'n money" but clearly she does..
I also mentioned that her mom could rent out her house and get a cheaper place. She says her mom doesn't want to do that.
Just recently my company sent me to san fran and i offered to bring her if she could pay half the 400 plane ticket. She said she didn't have the money. I said she could pay me later. She said "that's ok, save your money"..but then she was clearly no happy she didn't end up going...
So this time I wanted to iron this stuff out before we got married. I asked her what the arrangement would be and told her how I thought it should be.
So i didn't really get any feedback...I married her anyways...So we're married and i'm feeling generous, i wanted her to have extra money because she was pretty strapped before. I knew she intended to help her mom with her mortgage of 700.00/m..
So i tell her, "guess what, i'm not going to require you to pay any rent, utilities, or groceries that way you can have extra money to enjoy life".
I also pay for meals and entertainment.
So apparently this was not what she expected. Since she intended to continue paying her moms mortgage after she left, she still wouldn't have any money left over. I did not know this at all..I figured she would be helping her, i didn't know she planned to keep paying the whole thing. Her mom works and is not poor.
Her reasoning is that her mom didn't want to buy a house, she made an agreement ten years ago that if they bought a house, she would pay the mortgage.
I make three times more than she does, I have two teenage daughters and paid alimony for two years. So I have my own bills to pay and some of them i'm behind on.
So...it really hurts me that she does not see the situation as a great deal for her, free rent, utilities, groceries, meals, and entertainment. I feel that she is some sort of gold digger because that's not enough...She says that it's going to be our house someday because she's an only child..
I feel a lot of pressure about this situation. I have this wife who is not very happy due to the financial situation...but there's nothing more i can do for her at this time. I try to talk to her and she gets proud and says "i don't want your f'n money" but clearly she does..
I also mentioned that her mom could rent out her house and get a cheaper place. She says her mom doesn't want to do that.
Just recently my company sent me to san fran and i offered to bring her if she could pay half the 400 plane ticket. She said she didn't have the money. I said she could pay me later. She said "that's ok, save your money"..but then she was clearly no happy she didn't end up going...
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