Ever been around a couple for an extended period of time? Of course you have! Ever felt annoyed, angry or otherwise peeved at their behaviour? Sure thing! Here, presented in a handy list, I've assembled a selection of the characteristics of couples we all loathe so, so much.
1. We're a Team One of the worst things about a couple is how they come as a unit. Two people combined into one. This means that, in the event of an argument, you haven't just fallen out with one person, you've fallen out with two. This is a complete nightmare to deal with if you have to live with the couple (particularly if it's a random couple and not family - family are easier to play off against each other). In the worst cases it's impossible even to have a conversation with one half of the "partnership"... in these scenarios, the two human beings are practically joined at the hip.
2. PDA Hell Whether it's a pair of random strangers, or two (former) good friends with their tongues down each others' throats, the PDA couple is annoying as hell. No one wants to see it. No one wants to hear their little loved-up nothings "whispered" down the corridor. The problem here isn't the first-time pairings... it's not that the couple are playing out their romantic love story in front of the Eiffel Tower at night - no, they're getting down all over your daily commute, and you have to step over their writhing bodies just to get off the damned train.
3. The Name Droppers When you do get one half of a couple on their own, this person can't wait to ruin whatever conversation you're having with tales of their significant other. This can be full, novel-sized stories or just "my boyfriend said/my girlfriend always..." at first, you can forgive the odd mention of the partner in context. After a while it becomes grating when every sentence begins with "my boyfriend/my girlfriend"... in a club situation when you're trying to pick someone up, then sure, it's a valid tactic to scare off the hopeless. But in a classroom debate or pretty much ANY normal conversation, no one ****ing cares.
4. The Antisocials Ever invited a friend out, only to be greeted by two people instead of one? Ever gone to a party/meal/funeral and found, in the midst of the jovial banter and socialising, two dark shadows in the corner more interested in each other's bodies than the food, drink and people they're supposedly hanging out with? Or perhaps you wanted to spend time with your friend, but he's busy with his girlfriend. Again. "Dude, every night this week?" "Man, I'm happy now. Can't you respect that?" In whichever form the Antisocials take, they're bound to ruin your evening/friendship.
5. The Judges Thought you were happy being single? Apparently not. According to The Judges, you're a miserable, desperate human being sidling towards a lonely grave. According to The Judges, nobody can be happy unless they're In a Relationship. This type of couple won't stay in your life for long. After one or two failed attempts to convince you to repent your evil ways (or perhaps a bid to set you up with one of their equally pathetic single friends) The Judges will deem you unworthy of their perfect lives. You'll be cast out, so that they can spend their time with other couples who understand their sick, warped way of looking at the world.
6. The Overly-Defensive This type of couple can take various forms. In its most common, you'll find that chavs are predominant here. Typically, one half of the loving couple gets upset because his sluttily-dressed girlfriend is acquiring attention from other males. Cue swearing, fisticuffs and the odd shanking. Of course, here, the real problem is that chavs are uncivilised louts. The Overly-Defensive can rear its ugly head in less obvious ways, though... such as the downtrodden victim of a control freak who feels she (or he) has to viciously defend her/his partner from any possible criticism. Generally, avoid these couples at all costs. Trying to help one half (even though they are likely being abused) is just a waste of time, and you'll probably get stabbed.
7. The Ones With the Baby Eventually, you poor younglings will grow up, and you'll meet The Ones With the Baby. These obnoxious pieces of **** can't help but crow about their little angel, even as he's smearing himself with faecal matter or ramming his little baby-cart against your leg, or screaming like a garrotted lamb right in your ****ing ear for FIVE HOURS on an aeroplane. Lord help you if you actually turn round and tell the spoilt little sack of skin to shut the hell up. You'll incur the Righteous Fury of The Ones With the Baby. Only thing to do if you find yourself friends with such people: cut them loose, or get them a damned good babysitter.
1. We're a Team One of the worst things about a couple is how they come as a unit. Two people combined into one. This means that, in the event of an argument, you haven't just fallen out with one person, you've fallen out with two. This is a complete nightmare to deal with if you have to live with the couple (particularly if it's a random couple and not family - family are easier to play off against each other). In the worst cases it's impossible even to have a conversation with one half of the "partnership"... in these scenarios, the two human beings are practically joined at the hip.
2. PDA Hell Whether it's a pair of random strangers, or two (former) good friends with their tongues down each others' throats, the PDA couple is annoying as hell. No one wants to see it. No one wants to hear their little loved-up nothings "whispered" down the corridor. The problem here isn't the first-time pairings... it's not that the couple are playing out their romantic love story in front of the Eiffel Tower at night - no, they're getting down all over your daily commute, and you have to step over their writhing bodies just to get off the damned train.
3. The Name Droppers When you do get one half of a couple on their own, this person can't wait to ruin whatever conversation you're having with tales of their significant other. This can be full, novel-sized stories or just "my boyfriend said/my girlfriend always..." at first, you can forgive the odd mention of the partner in context. After a while it becomes grating when every sentence begins with "my boyfriend/my girlfriend"... in a club situation when you're trying to pick someone up, then sure, it's a valid tactic to scare off the hopeless. But in a classroom debate or pretty much ANY normal conversation, no one ****ing cares.
4. The Antisocials Ever invited a friend out, only to be greeted by two people instead of one? Ever gone to a party/meal/funeral and found, in the midst of the jovial banter and socialising, two dark shadows in the corner more interested in each other's bodies than the food, drink and people they're supposedly hanging out with? Or perhaps you wanted to spend time with your friend, but he's busy with his girlfriend. Again. "Dude, every night this week?" "Man, I'm happy now. Can't you respect that?" In whichever form the Antisocials take, they're bound to ruin your evening/friendship.
5. The Judges Thought you were happy being single? Apparently not. According to The Judges, you're a miserable, desperate human being sidling towards a lonely grave. According to The Judges, nobody can be happy unless they're In a Relationship. This type of couple won't stay in your life for long. After one or two failed attempts to convince you to repent your evil ways (or perhaps a bid to set you up with one of their equally pathetic single friends) The Judges will deem you unworthy of their perfect lives. You'll be cast out, so that they can spend their time with other couples who understand their sick, warped way of looking at the world.
6. The Overly-Defensive This type of couple can take various forms. In its most common, you'll find that chavs are predominant here. Typically, one half of the loving couple gets upset because his sluttily-dressed girlfriend is acquiring attention from other males. Cue swearing, fisticuffs and the odd shanking. Of course, here, the real problem is that chavs are uncivilised louts. The Overly-Defensive can rear its ugly head in less obvious ways, though... such as the downtrodden victim of a control freak who feels she (or he) has to viciously defend her/his partner from any possible criticism. Generally, avoid these couples at all costs. Trying to help one half (even though they are likely being abused) is just a waste of time, and you'll probably get stabbed.
7. The Ones With the Baby Eventually, you poor younglings will grow up, and you'll meet The Ones With the Baby. These obnoxious pieces of **** can't help but crow about their little angel, even as he's smearing himself with faecal matter or ramming his little baby-cart against your leg, or screaming like a garrotted lamb right in your ****ing ear for FIVE HOURS on an aeroplane. Lord help you if you actually turn round and tell the spoilt little sack of skin to shut the hell up. You'll incur the Righteous Fury of The Ones With the Baby. Only thing to do if you find yourself friends with such people: cut them loose, or get them a damned good babysitter.
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