I would be so grateful for any advice or direction that you all could give me...
My situation is this: Married 4 years, together 12. Husband has been grumpier than usual for some time, but I just thought it was due to increased demands at work. 2 weeks ago he announces that he wants out. He feels that our marriage is not a true partnership and that he feels like he is my parent. He refuses to go to counseling or to work on our relationship in any way, he says he just knows that it's over and doesn't want to prolong the inevitable. He promises to be very fair with me financially, doesn't want to fight in court, just wants to come up with an agreement between the two of us that we both feel is fair. Says he has been miserable for years and that there is no one else, he just can't be married to me any longer. (I secretly checked his texts messages and emails and found nothing that would suggest there is any one else and he's one of the most honest people I know so I really don't think there is someone else) After telling me he wants out he has been n icer than he has been in years. Wants to go out to nice dinners, insists that I sleep in bed with him and cuddle all night and has been more agreeable and pleasant to be around than he has been in a long time. Says that he will always be here for me no matter what, that he knows we will still be good friends and that he still loves me and thinks I'm an amazing person, he just thinks we are too different to be happy together and also that he feels I don't take responsibility or accountability for anything and he has to shoulder all the burden of being the only "adult" in our marriage. So my question is this, why does he want to spend time with me if I make him so miserable and he wants to live seperatly starting November 1st? (still haven't decided for sure who gets to stay in the house, we both want to) The weekend starts tomorrow and we have no plans other than he might go out after work for happy hour with his co-workers. (I have been a housewife for the last few year s.) The rest of the weekend is totally open and I don't know if I should just go stay at a friends house and give him the place to himself to maybe take the "pressure" of him and make it seem like I have my own life and I don't need him or what. As much as my husband says that he just knows in the pit of his stomach that he doesn't want to be married to me, I feel in my heart that if we put a little work into it that we could recapture the romance and have a better relationship than we ever had. I just know it! Despite my begging and pleading he absolutely refuses to go to counseling or do anything other than split up. I'm so confused....what should I do if my only objective in the entire world is to spend the rest of my life with him? I really feel he's not happy with himself and that he is projecting that on to our marriage. He has no hobbies, no friends outside of work other than a friend in another state who comes to visit a few weekends a year. He has some fami ly that lives nearby but doesn't feel inclined to see them outside of holidays and weddings etc. We live in the most beautiful area on a large lake and we have a boat that he refused to go on until he finally caved in and went on the boat twice in August because we had people in town who wanted to go. He literally does nothing but come home from work and watch t.v. while playing on his phone. I have promised that I will work on all the issues he has with me but he says he doesn't want me to change who I am to make him happy because then I won't be happy and there is nothing wrong with who I am it's just not who he wants to be with. Please help!!!!!!
My situation is this: Married 4 years, together 12. Husband has been grumpier than usual for some time, but I just thought it was due to increased demands at work. 2 weeks ago he announces that he wants out. He feels that our marriage is not a true partnership and that he feels like he is my parent. He refuses to go to counseling or to work on our relationship in any way, he says he just knows that it's over and doesn't want to prolong the inevitable. He promises to be very fair with me financially, doesn't want to fight in court, just wants to come up with an agreement between the two of us that we both feel is fair. Says he has been miserable for years and that there is no one else, he just can't be married to me any longer. (I secretly checked his texts messages and emails and found nothing that would suggest there is any one else and he's one of the most honest people I know so I really don't think there is someone else) After telling me he wants out he has been n icer than he has been in years. Wants to go out to nice dinners, insists that I sleep in bed with him and cuddle all night and has been more agreeable and pleasant to be around than he has been in a long time. Says that he will always be here for me no matter what, that he knows we will still be good friends and that he still loves me and thinks I'm an amazing person, he just thinks we are too different to be happy together and also that he feels I don't take responsibility or accountability for anything and he has to shoulder all the burden of being the only "adult" in our marriage. So my question is this, why does he want to spend time with me if I make him so miserable and he wants to live seperatly starting November 1st? (still haven't decided for sure who gets to stay in the house, we both want to) The weekend starts tomorrow and we have no plans other than he might go out after work for happy hour with his co-workers. (I have been a housewife for the last few year s.) The rest of the weekend is totally open and I don't know if I should just go stay at a friends house and give him the place to himself to maybe take the "pressure" of him and make it seem like I have my own life and I don't need him or what. As much as my husband says that he just knows in the pit of his stomach that he doesn't want to be married to me, I feel in my heart that if we put a little work into it that we could recapture the romance and have a better relationship than we ever had. I just know it! Despite my begging and pleading he absolutely refuses to go to counseling or do anything other than split up. I'm so confused....what should I do if my only objective in the entire world is to spend the rest of my life with him? I really feel he's not happy with himself and that he is projecting that on to our marriage. He has no hobbies, no friends outside of work other than a friend in another state who comes to visit a few weekends a year. He has some fami ly that lives nearby but doesn't feel inclined to see them outside of holidays and weddings etc. We live in the most beautiful area on a large lake and we have a boat that he refused to go on until he finally caved in and went on the boat twice in August because we had people in town who wanted to go. He literally does nothing but come home from work and watch t.v. while playing on his phone. I have promised that I will work on all the issues he has with me but he says he doesn't want me to change who I am to make him happy because then I won't be happy and there is nothing wrong with who I am it's just not who he wants to be with. Please help!!!!!!
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