Hey All,
Sorry again if this is long but I need to talk.....
Been offline for a bit but reading posts / threads from time to time. My divorce went through on 4th September and I have been trying to put everything into perspective ever since.
My close friends and my brother (who has been through a divorce) have all said that what I'm feeling is perfectly normal but I cannot get my head around things.
Back story. Since the separation in June of this year, I have not spoken a single word to my (now ex) wife; we communicate by text only and this is my choice.
I met a lovely woman online who I will call M; yes, I did a "stupid" thing by creating an online profile just to see what reactions I would get. It was more to stroke my shattered ego than with the intention of actually meeting or starting anything. Well, M contacted me and we have hit it off very well. In this regard, I haven't laughed so much with someone in absolute years and its only that I now experience this that I realise what I didn't have with my ex.
A close friend and my former race mechanic got married in August and my ex and I had obviously been invited however I took my new friend instead. My best mate and his wife were also invited and my best mate's wife is my ex's best friend so I KNEW that she would give my ex the "heads up" as soon as I arrived with M.
Sure enough, the sms traffic between my ex and her the night of the wedding confirmed that the ex knew about M (I still get my ex's cell phone account so I could see the exchanges)
Well M and I kept it on the "straight and narrow" throughout the seperation; M said outright, "You're still married and if we hook up, you would be no better than your ex. We must wait until your divorce is through"; I was so impressed by this girls moral compass not that I had any intention anyway of making our relationship about physicality because I knew I was not ready.......I still don't know if I am so read a bit later when I come back to this point.
Now in regard to feelings and particularly toward my ex, my emotions have ranged between desperately missing her and wanting for all this to have been a nightmare to hating her for what she has done to me, to our child and to our family. Some of the exchanges between us have been quite pleasant while others (from my side) have been pure hate......is this normal?
Then, 2 weeks back, my daughter and I were just chatting generally and she blurted out "Dad, you do know that mom never stopped communicating with K......(the OM) while you guys were in counselling.?".......I was floored and asked her how she knew that. Simple reply was that she had been downloading something on her mother's phone one night when a message came in from a person saved as Christy B which my daughter assumed was a client of my ex.....she scrolled up and then realised that content of the "chat" was clearly not "client related" so she confronted her mother who admitted it was OM saved under a pseudonym.
Once again, the ex asked her not to say anything to me..... unreal hey?? I think by this stage, my daughter had so little (if any) respect for her mother that it made no difference to her.
When this little "gem" was discovered I confronted my ex who's first reaction was to go back to our daughter and ask what she had said to me rather than to "face the music". Of course, my ex then went into "cheater denial mode" when she did answer me saying that the coms between her and the OM had only re-started after we seperated. Of course I said "Bull****!", why save him under a pseudonym if there was no risk I would see her phone as we were seperated and divorcing????? Her denial continued along with saying that to our child that she was not seeing OM yet I saw them together the week prior in his car on a Sunday.
The above resulted in a truly acidic exchange of sms's between my ex and I when for the first time in this whole thing I let my feelings out....naturally, she dredged up more stuff from 15yrs ago to justify her behaviour and brought up M and how I was seeing her before we were divorced and how can I be so "holier than thou" about everything.
Well I proceeded to tell her everything about M and I to the extent that we were not sexually active (although that changed this past weekend:smthumbup:) and had only been companions prior to our divorce being final.
Naturally, the ex refused to believe me which I don't care as I know the truth. On of her best comments was "oh, well you seem to have got over me pretty quickly"...... The cheek of someone who had tossed me away like dirty socks hey???
Now, lots of yap yap to get to the crux of this post. I have feelings for M, but I am dead scared to drop my guard. She has fallen head over heels in love with me and I dread the possibility that I might hurt her; I have been TOTALLY honest with her from the day we met insofar as what my situation was so it can never be said that I have led her on under false pretences.
Bit graphic here but she is an awesome lover and says to me that I have made her feel things in bed that she never thought possible. To put this in context, that has made me feel like a pornstar and while I know one should not compare, it has made me realise that my ex and I had NOTHING in comparison.
With the above all in mind, why is it that I still miss my ex wife at times so much that it hurts.....why do I yearn for what we had when I thought everything was perfect......why do I feel the need sometimes to call her up just to hear her voice.....
She has not changed her Facebook status to reflect that she is no longer married; it still says "Married" almost a month after we are divorced???
She's already in financial **** because the people where she has 2 of her 3 horses stabled phoned my folks the other day looking for her because she is not taking their calls and hasn't paid the stabling......I feel that I should help out but my folks have said "don't be nuts that's exactly what she wants"......I don't want her to suffer despite EVERYTHING she has done to me.
What the **** is wrong with me people???????
Sorry again if this is long but I need to talk.....
Been offline for a bit but reading posts / threads from time to time. My divorce went through on 4th September and I have been trying to put everything into perspective ever since.
My close friends and my brother (who has been through a divorce) have all said that what I'm feeling is perfectly normal but I cannot get my head around things.
Back story. Since the separation in June of this year, I have not spoken a single word to my (now ex) wife; we communicate by text only and this is my choice.
I met a lovely woman online who I will call M; yes, I did a "stupid" thing by creating an online profile just to see what reactions I would get. It was more to stroke my shattered ego than with the intention of actually meeting or starting anything. Well, M contacted me and we have hit it off very well. In this regard, I haven't laughed so much with someone in absolute years and its only that I now experience this that I realise what I didn't have with my ex.
A close friend and my former race mechanic got married in August and my ex and I had obviously been invited however I took my new friend instead. My best mate and his wife were also invited and my best mate's wife is my ex's best friend so I KNEW that she would give my ex the "heads up" as soon as I arrived with M.
Sure enough, the sms traffic between my ex and her the night of the wedding confirmed that the ex knew about M (I still get my ex's cell phone account so I could see the exchanges)
Well M and I kept it on the "straight and narrow" throughout the seperation; M said outright, "You're still married and if we hook up, you would be no better than your ex. We must wait until your divorce is through"; I was so impressed by this girls moral compass not that I had any intention anyway of making our relationship about physicality because I knew I was not ready.......I still don't know if I am so read a bit later when I come back to this point.
Now in regard to feelings and particularly toward my ex, my emotions have ranged between desperately missing her and wanting for all this to have been a nightmare to hating her for what she has done to me, to our child and to our family. Some of the exchanges between us have been quite pleasant while others (from my side) have been pure hate......is this normal?
Then, 2 weeks back, my daughter and I were just chatting generally and she blurted out "Dad, you do know that mom never stopped communicating with K......(the OM) while you guys were in counselling.?".......I was floored and asked her how she knew that. Simple reply was that she had been downloading something on her mother's phone one night when a message came in from a person saved as Christy B which my daughter assumed was a client of my ex.....she scrolled up and then realised that content of the "chat" was clearly not "client related" so she confronted her mother who admitted it was OM saved under a pseudonym.
Once again, the ex asked her not to say anything to me..... unreal hey?? I think by this stage, my daughter had so little (if any) respect for her mother that it made no difference to her.
When this little "gem" was discovered I confronted my ex who's first reaction was to go back to our daughter and ask what she had said to me rather than to "face the music". Of course, my ex then went into "cheater denial mode" when she did answer me saying that the coms between her and the OM had only re-started after we seperated. Of course I said "Bull****!", why save him under a pseudonym if there was no risk I would see her phone as we were seperated and divorcing????? Her denial continued along with saying that to our child that she was not seeing OM yet I saw them together the week prior in his car on a Sunday.
The above resulted in a truly acidic exchange of sms's between my ex and I when for the first time in this whole thing I let my feelings out....naturally, she dredged up more stuff from 15yrs ago to justify her behaviour and brought up M and how I was seeing her before we were divorced and how can I be so "holier than thou" about everything.
Well I proceeded to tell her everything about M and I to the extent that we were not sexually active (although that changed this past weekend:smthumbup:) and had only been companions prior to our divorce being final.
Naturally, the ex refused to believe me which I don't care as I know the truth. On of her best comments was "oh, well you seem to have got over me pretty quickly"...... The cheek of someone who had tossed me away like dirty socks hey???
Now, lots of yap yap to get to the crux of this post. I have feelings for M, but I am dead scared to drop my guard. She has fallen head over heels in love with me and I dread the possibility that I might hurt her; I have been TOTALLY honest with her from the day we met insofar as what my situation was so it can never be said that I have led her on under false pretences.
Bit graphic here but she is an awesome lover and says to me that I have made her feel things in bed that she never thought possible. To put this in context, that has made me feel like a pornstar and while I know one should not compare, it has made me realise that my ex and I had NOTHING in comparison.
With the above all in mind, why is it that I still miss my ex wife at times so much that it hurts.....why do I yearn for what we had when I thought everything was perfect......why do I feel the need sometimes to call her up just to hear her voice.....
She has not changed her Facebook status to reflect that she is no longer married; it still says "Married" almost a month after we are divorced???
She's already in financial **** because the people where she has 2 of her 3 horses stabled phoned my folks the other day looking for her because she is not taking their calls and hasn't paid the stabling......I feel that I should help out but my folks have said "don't be nuts that's exactly what she wants"......I don't want her to suffer despite EVERYTHING she has done to me.
What the **** is wrong with me people???????
Put the internet to work for you.
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