Forgive the length. I have been married for 24 years. My wife is a Sr. V.P. in the company she has worked for since 2000. Lately she has noticed a change in her boss and there seems to be a power struggle behind the scenes to gain more power between the other Sr. V.P.'s in the company. She sensed the writing on the wall and has since put out her resume to start to look elsewhere just in case. In having an honest discussion with her I said that I had no problem covering the financial aspect of her possibly being out of work for as long as it took, but emotionally I don't know what to do. What I meant by that statement was that I felt that no matter what I would try to say or do I will get the "You were not there from me when I needed you the most" woman who cried wolf statement. I say this because in the past when we have gone through difficult times and I've been there for her she manages to find one (very small or insignificant event) that occurred where I didn't do something EXACTLY the way she wanted me to do it. Now mind you this is AFTER she has told me I WAS supportive during that difficult time (usually when things are going ok). I usually get the criticism when she's upset, and that praise for being supportive turns into I left her out in the cold when she needed me the most. So in predicting that this might happen in this situation I had this honest discussion with her and now she feels like SURPRISE if she loses her job she is on her own emotionally. Things went from bad to worse due to my poor choice of words (and A LOT OF OTHER THINGS), as I was pretty sure she was either about to, or coming dangerously close to having an affair. I started being suspicious when she suddenly didn't want me to stop by her job anymore and meet her (we carpool together). She is now meeting me at my job. I also overheard some rather intimate "pillow talk" she was having during a phone conversation. Again I know I'm wrong for what I di d, but now I'm hurt/upset, even pissed at this situation. Is that really a justified reason for stepping out on me? I'm not low balling what I did, but an affair?? So I decided to put my job skills to work (I'm a cop who works in the IT department). Here are the facts I managed to find out. She is indeed having an affair with the IT guy in her company. He is an author of a couple of cookbooks and at least two erotic novels (without giving away any names feel free to look that one up yourselves check Kindle). She has flirted with him on multiple occasions and has even engaged in inappropriate behavior behind the closed doors of her private office. This includes sending a picture of his genitals to her phone. They have been out on at least one date to a restaurant in the village and he f**ked her in the unisex bathroom. This must have been the height of the physical contact between them because they had planned to spend the better part of this past Sunday (9/29/13) together af ter she had lunch with her girlfriend. She has told most of her friends about all of the sexual escapades with the exception of one. It was that one friend who spoke to me the night before to hear my side of the story about all of the other troubles we were having. She then asked me what was wrong because I could not contain it any longer and started to cry on the phone. I then told her about the affair and the plan for them to meet on Sunday. At first she defended my wife and tried to reassure me that I was mistaken. I then gave every detail of what had been going on up until that time. When she spoke to my wife, my wife then told her about the affair for the first time and the only advice she could give me was to keep fighting. In the meantime I tried every scenario in my head about how I was supposed to approach her. When I finally confronted her about it on Sunday morning she was totally shocked and became furious. She accused me of being unstable and I didn't know what I was talking about. That quickly turned into her saying I was not dealing with the real issues in our relationship and I was scapegoating this imaginary "affair" (meanwhile she was frantically texting her other girlfriends to meet up at a diner for an emergency breakfast to talk strategy). I stood my ground and told her I knew about everything EXCEPT the date and what happened in the bathroom. She kept saying let me see the proof. The last deflection for me is the most humiliating one and that is where she was offended that I even accused her of having an affair and now she knows the marriage is really over. The other punches to the gut included her "warning me to be careful of what I wish for and that she may as well hook up with him up since I already accused her of having the affair. At this point I realize my marriage is most likely OVER and yet after 25 years I kind of thought I deserved a slightly better end than this if it had to. I also found out that he apparently wants to move forward with my wife, and this seems like the perfect way to justify doing so. She wants to go forward with this guy and the spin she is putting on it is that I pushed her into this situation.
Put the internet to work for you.
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