| I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 3 years since I was 18. For a long time everything was perfect and we were happy but then I told her about how I went to a strip club with my best friend because he was leaving for college. I told her because I felt guilty about it, and she freaked out about it so now I have a hard time telling her anything. Before we were in a relationship I watched porn all the time because I guess that's just what guys do but, I have been watching it since I was about 11 or 13 years old. Now after she's found it in my phone history on 2 separate occasions and freaked out about that I tried my hardest to stop watching it but I still can't go more than a few days without breaking down and watching it. I could care less for the pornstars in the video it's just something to take care of myself when she is not here no obsessions just a bad habit. I would never cheat on her but sex is sometimes complicated (I need to read her mind and make all the right moves or she shuts down) I've talked to her about how sex has gotten one sided and I'm doing all the work while she lays there and she responded well and now it's better but it's still not really happening often enough to replace porn (since porn is so burnt into my brain). I feel guilty about all of that and it's coming out in my dreams where I cheat on her and I wake up doubting our relationship even though it's really strong. But in order to keep it strong I have to hide things from her and keep secrets. (she doesn't know I chew tobacco, that I have smoked weed a few times over the past 3 years, and that I tried molly (ecstasy)) because of this I have a hard time bringing her around some of my friends because I don't want her to find out and freak out. My girlfriend has anxiety problems, motivation problems, depression problems, she is not very social, she is not open to trying new things, and her confidence is pretty low. Most of this is surfacing after she had her 2 best friends die 6 months apart from each other. It is putting a massive strain on our relationship because I want to tell her things, I want to ask her for help, and I want her and I to experience new things while we're young and it's not such a big deal. But if I do she is going to over react about it then she is going to cry then I'm going to feel like shit and I should but it's just going to make more problems than solve anything especially if I tell her that I really haven't stopped looking at porn because I've told her so many times that I stopped because she keeps bringing it up and throwing that in my face. I want her to get help because she is not listening to my advice because apparently even though I had to overcome some of those problems and now I'm anxiety free, very happy, mostly motivated, I talk to lots of people, and I'm really confident I'm still not someone who knows what their talking about. She can't see how bad she really is because I'm trying to comfort her to get her to stop crying almost on a daily basis I can't find a good time to tell her she needs to see help because no one should live in pain like that. I might have to keep some secrets from her but they will never involve another woman. I know I'm going to have to quit some things on my own without help. But most of all I just want her to be happy again and stop doubting everything. I don't want to end our relationship because I know we can work through this I just need to know what I should do because we're happy but we've been happier and I want to get back to that. | |||
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