| It's really the classic story, with a twist. She turned 41 recently. After 23 years together and two beautiful children, my wife said those dreaded words(I love you but not in love with you) in the fall of 2012 and it went south to where she finally demanded divorce in March after she moved out to her own place. I fought the separation and and begged and pleaded and cried... it just made it worse. What makes my story different is that we invited the other guy into our relationship for sex. He was a friend of a friend and we invited him into the bedroom for fun after I kind of pushed it on her. She resisted but definitely enjoyed it. I came to find that she met the guy behind my back and they were "crazy" about each other. She blames me for everything in the marriage going bad. She said that I was controlling and verbally abusive and that I cheated on her, which I did not, and that she could never love me again. She tole her family that I was all of these wrong things to justify her own behavior. After she finally moved out citing that she wanted to "find herself" and go back to school to complete her education, and on the heals of one of our kids moving away from college, I ultimately found her at this guys house in the spring and found out that he dumped his girlfriend, who he had cheated on to be with my wife. It's a twisted story, I know. To add to our history, she also cheated on me 3 years ago with another guy on Facebook and I had no idea that was going on at the time...ultimately forgiving her and really bouncing back in a good way. In some weird way, I thought inviting the current guy into the bedroom would make things exciting for her and allow me to control the situation. Yeah, well...no it didn't. I invited disaster instead of going to therapy and trying to heal the marriage. Now she treats me like the perfect stranger and I feel completely lost. Our history was not all bad. We argued on occasion before this whole thing but we really got along and were romantic and best friends. We went out on dates, I kissed her all the time, we laughed and hiked and enjoyed being together...but I did notice her slowly getting a little colder over the last year. I am now left feeling completely abandoned, rejected, and alone....incapable of being able to love another woman. She walked away from everything....gave me primary custody of our kids, left the house, sold her car that I bought her, and started a new life. I think it's partly midlife crisis? How do I get over her? I go to therapy(oddly enough our marriage counselor who we only visited once together in December) and I try to understand it and move forward but I still cry every day and I can't seem to move on. It honestly still hurts worse than anything I have ever felt. All I want is some sort of peace. To make matters worse, I finally told her last week that she can't come to the house to hang out, which s he has been doing all summer to visit with our kids, and she flipped out and made it known to me that she went away with her boyfriend this weekend, who I refer to as Cheating Scumbag(C.S.), to her. This other guy(C.S.) has been going through a messy divorce for years and his ex is taking him for everything...to the point where he has to live with a buddy of his because he's broke. I found out that he cheated on his wife a few times and then he cheated on his last girlfriend and dumped her to be with my wife. He's a class act, huh? Me trying to explain how he's a loser to my wife has yielded nothing. She just seems to hate me more and more...especially when we get nasty about things. I recently cut her off of our cell phone contract and kicked her off our car insurance, as we are now formally separated and I told her that I am going for a divorce immediately....but she can tell how pathetic I am and would take her back. I tried no-contact for a while and it did nothin g for me. She just doesn't care at all most times. Recently over the past few weeks, while visiting the kids here, she did some work in one of the rooms I renovated and I still can't understand why she did the work. I still don't understand why she did this in general. My therapist said that she's "running toward something"....and not "running away from me or the marriage." How does a woman who wrote me the nicest love notes and gave the greatest kisses and hugs become the cold woman that she became. Before she left in January, she seemed like she might have wanted it to work out but slowly she slipped away and into his arms...and I probably pushed her there more by begging and over-reacting. I just don't get it and can't understand why I can't get over her. I waited a while after reading much on this site but thought I'd post and get advice. Help!?!? |
No comments:
Post a Comment