| I would really appreciate help and some viewpoints from the WS's. My husband and I have had a great relationship for 10 years, always been very close, and he has always been a great husband-responsible, loving, considerate, honest. Of course, like every couple we have our issues, but we were both resigned to live with those issues. He took a new exec job about 2 years ago with a lot of stress and responsibilities. He'd got a 2 hour commute (he sleeps at the office a couple nights a week) and works long hours. Most times when he is home he is unable to get good sleep and seems to be working all the time, even though he is super exhausted. Just unable to turn off I think. We recently had a baby, and due to me being on bedrest for several months plus the new baby, we had a "dry spell" that lasted 6 months. Under all this pressure, he ended up having a 6 week PA, during which time he became very moody, tense, and constantly irritated. After getting suspicious that his behavior was so different, I started to suspect and confronted him, and he admitted to it, and said he had recently ended it. It was some random fling and there's no attachment either way. Giving it up has not been difficult for him, and he said he felt guilty the whole time and had performance issues. I trust him completely, and I'm working hard to move forward, and I know I'm going to be OK. He, however, is having a really tough time dealing with everything. This all came about 2 weeks ago. We talk for an hour or so each weekend, and he doesn't say much. He has taken responsibility for his actions, he said he doesn't understand why he did this as it is so out of character for him, and it's almost like he sees himself as "ruined" and said that now he's a "lying cheating bastard" and how can he ever expect me to trust him again. He's always been a perfectionist (never satisfied with getting an A-) and so I'm guessing that he is personally devastated to have let himself down, or that he's not who he thought he was. He says he feels very fragile and that all his emotional walls are up, and he's afraid that he's barely holding it together. I am not one to yell, name call, etc. but I have had a few breakdowns which really freaked him out. But most of the time I am loving and supportive, my normal self. I don't want this to destroy me, so I don't dwell. But when talking last night, he said he feels emotionless, like he cannot access his feelings at all. He says he knows he should feel remorse, guilt, desire to "win" me back etc but that he feels nothing, he feels completely shut off. He's taking a week long retreat next week to a peaceful place (no internet) to completely relax have the time to process everything that has happened and try to find himself and his emotions again. I am supportive and hopeful, but impatient. While he goes off to work 12 hour days in back to back meetings, I sit at home breastfeeding all day, so I have had hours and hours to process, move forward, think about how to improve relationship problems etc. I would really like to get some perspectives on how he might be feeling, and what he might be going through. How can I help him? What can I do to get us back on track? I don't like to play manipulative games, I just want my husband back. I've already heard all the negativity and black or white viewpoints from other BS's. I would really like to hear the other side. | |||
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