| Firstly I'd like to apologise for the length of it, but as I've got nowhere else to turn you'll have to bear with me. Dear reader, thank you for reading my essay! At the beginning of my first year at university I split with a long term girlfriend who I had been dating since I was 14. We reasoned that it would be difficult to maintain a relationship over long distances especially in what would be a trying and stressful year of our lives. Lip service was paid to our getting back together if all turned out well but I now believe that we used our departure to universities at polar ends of the country as an excuse to leave a relationship which was becoming increasingly dysfunctional. Having been in a long term relationship I was woefully inexperienced at the whole dating game and despite going on a few first dates as well as briefly seeing a girl who turned out to have severe mental health problems in my first year I made precious little progress in my love life. Perhaps I held out some hope that I would get back together with my ex, definitely the 'easy option'. Over the summer of 2012 we made positive steps towards rekindling our romance but returned to university in October and when, during a visit home at the end of that month my mother announced that my ex's mum had been telling her all about her new university boyfriend over coffee I realised that any chances I had of getting back together were dashed, possibly because I didn't act quickly enough. There was a girl I liked a lot, but as she spoke openly to me about her love life and numerous failed dates, courtesy of OKCupid.com I realised that I had been permanently friend-zoned. There was another girl that I was 'interested' in, but save a few drunken conversations and a brief Facebook chat that faded away due to a lack of things to say I had little to act on. A breakthrough came at a party in early December where I met her. A rather alcohol-laden conversation turned into a drunken snog and then a one night stand. I was attracted to her and we started sleeping with each other and as we got to know each other better we realised that we had lots in common. A few days before we both returned home for Christmas we got together. Initially I was very happy to be back in a relationship and things worked out quite well; I'd see her over the weekends and on a few other days of the week- we'd go out with friends and to house parties together whilst there were a few evenings which we kept to ourselves so that we could spend time with friends or by ourselves, however around March there was a distinctive change. Although I had been in a long term relationship with my ex girlfriend, we attended different schools and sixth forms meaning that I didn't see her on a day to day basis- generally we'd meet up once or twice a week, sometimes once a fortnight if we were busy preparing for exams and so on- I attribute it's longevity to the physical distance that existed between us. My current girlfriend now literally insists on our spending every waking moment together unless she arranges to meet friends or has somewhere to be. I find myself unable to meet with friends independently unless she is away, normally she invites herself. Not being the most assertive person, this was acceptable during term time when I live away from the family home. As we got together, many of my friends also met boyfriends and girlfriends so it was acceptable that we spent lots of time together and with other couples. Still, at this point I desired personal space but things worsened as I left university for the summe r. My hopes for a quiet, peaceful and relaxing holiday have been wrecked by her instance on virtually living at my parents house. Whilst it may be reasonable for her to come and stay for a few weeks, the accumulative eight that she has spent at my parents are, if anything, abnormal. My mother is an extremely polite and tolerant woman, yet in the few moments that we spend alone in each others company she tells me that as much as she likes my girlfriend she finds it extremely difficult to tolerate her constant presence in our household and extremely understandably when she has two younger daughters to care for! My girlfriend could be described as being emotionally fragile and despite the fact that I have attempted to broach the subject carefully on numerous occasions I struggle to tell her that she should not spend so much time around my family, in fear that it might have a ruinous effect on our relationship. With a relative stranger constantly in her personal space, my mother understandably struggles to accept this. The short of it is that I feel as if I'm hanging from both eyelids, this being why I've resorted to relaying my problems in an extremely long post on the internet. On one hand my mother pressures me to resolve these issues with my girlfriend w hilst, on the other my girlfriend insists on spending inordinate amounts of time with me. Temporarily ignoring the difficulties my family faces, I fear that our relationship will not survive if we continue to live in such close proximity of one another. When I approach a relationship I assume that it will be a long term one and accordingly will do all to make it so but being in the absolutely desperate situation that I am, I find myself increasingly considering the prospect of 'breaking things off' so as to abate tensions which exist with my family and regain the personal space that I used to so enjoy. This would pain me greatly but as I've previously said I'm stuck in a completely untenable situation. If anyone has any advice or guidance I'd really appreciate it | |||
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