| This is a brief outline what has been happening in my life and currently where the situation is. I have had a long term girlfriend since i was 19; it has been fairly steady and we took things reasonably slowly. I'd say over the last couple of years things went on fast forward we have had a child together and bought a house to stabilise our surroundings. Around the time when my girlfriend game birth I had a serious leg break and the stress it created between us and our families was terrible. I think my girlfriend never felt she had the support she needed being a new mother and vice versa for my injury. Anyway stemming from this i don't think we ever really recovered from this and i started being quite unhappy and really started to notice that we were completely different people. Whilst this was all happening and i was feeling disillusioned with everything, I met a girl at my place of work which is quite unlike anything i had experienced before. I literally couldn't stop thinking about her and there was a constant desire to find out if it was reciprocated. There was a lot of communication exchanged and eventually it led to us kissing but both saying afterwards that it was really bad what we had done. However the communication and chemistry still remained and eventually we ended up sleeping together after a work night out. At this point it massively put my relationship into perspective as I thought there is no way i could do this to my partner if I was truly in love with her. I proceeded to tell my partner I really wasn't happy and this led to me going on a break for a week to clear my thoughts, After being away I decided that I should keep this mistake I made to myself and the right thing to do would be to continue trying to make it work with my long term girlfriend which was going against everything my heart was telling me to do. I met up with the girl from my work and explained that I really had to stay and try and make my family work, which she was respectful of. Initially things picked up with my partner and both were trying quite hard to make it work, but it soon wasn't long for old problems and arguments to rear their head again. Every time I felt the relationship was making me unhappy it felt like it gave me a justification to seek out the girl from work, which is messed up I know. This ultimately led to me having an affair with the girl from work for over a year and we said we loved each other, she was my best friend and i told her everything, and the physical side of things was incredible. Throughout this time it was never easy for both of us and there were several attempts to break things off as we both thought it was terrible what we were doing. I repeatedly told her loved her and vice versa but I felt my responsibilities lay with my child and there is no way I could leave. On the final occasion of us deciding that it was to stressful and painful I lied and said I was happy at home and that she should try and meet someone who can give her normality. Almost immediately after i said this she went away on holiday with friends, we were still communicating throughout this period. When she returned it came to light she had met someone on holiday and was dating them. Almost simultaneously things at home were worse than ever and the thought of losing the girl I love more than anything led to me telling my long term girlfriend i wanted to separate. We have been separated for a month, but had to stay in the same house. During this time i told the other girl of my true feelings and how i wanted an opportunity to put things rite and do some normal activities for once! I felt I needed to do this before she became serious with this other fellow. Since then we have been going round circles, we have slept together once, she has told me she loves me still, but she has not cut ties with this other person, even though we communicate to a ridiculous level every day, it is these actions that have led to me being so confused. When I question why this is happening she says it has all happened so quickly and because she opened up to this person it's very hard to just snap back. She said she had accepted the fact I was never going to be available and she doesn't know what to do. She said she feels under pressure and feels like this person has done nothing wrong for her to hurt them. The last thing I took from all of this is that she knows me and her could be very special but needs time to work everything out. After pretty much the same conversation happening several times after me feeling we were getting close and then her backing off, I decided my only move was to say we should both have a break from talking completely and try not to organise doing things so she has time to get her head sorted. My question is, is it actually possible for her to need time like this, or it just a roundabout way of saying it's never going to happen. This is the line i would normally take, but our situation seems so much more complicated. Its killing me not talking to her but if she is feeling pressure I feel this is the only thing i can do to make things easier on both of us. It is made all the more difficult that I see her every day, I don't want to not be amicable, am I making the rite move here. I have kind of accepted that it's only going to work if she comes to me of her own accord? Or do I need to fight harder? Any opinions on this would be greatly appreciated. | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment