How to get husband to rely on me-not EA

My husband is in an EA but doesn't see it that way. He is depressed and feels that she is his only friend. She gives him support. She has counselled him to detach from me, so that he can work on his own happiness. He is quite unable to see how wrong that is. When I talk to him about it he admits that he was always happy with me, and that his only happy moments now are when the two of us do something together, however, she keeps reinforcing to him that he must leave me to be happy. So yesterday he officially left. This is very painful for me. I want him back more than anything. OW is really messing with his head. He needs to see a Dr. and maybe anti-depress. meds but he won't go. It is almost like he is under her 'spell'. She is a social worker, so she tells him he is getting prof. advice. She is also in a bad marriage and is planning on leaving her husband. He says he is leaving because I keep bringing up that he is having an affair. He can't stand my snooping and suspicions. He wants to stop fighting and feels no spark for me because have hurt him with my mistrust. I have done all this. I have snooped and yelled and cried etc for months. But I have also discovered secret emails, thousands of text messages (each month) secret names they use to communicate etc. So I know I am not crazy about this being an affair. My problem is, he can't see it and right now, she is his lifeline. I don't believe there is any physical attraction for him. He really believes she is a good friend and the only one who listens to his troubles. I also believe she is pursuing him for her own. So, any ideas on how to begin 'wooing' him back to me? I know right now, my only hope will be to put my anger and hurt aside and help him heal first. Then after he is healed, I can work on me. No R talks, pleasant interactions etc but anything else. Specifically to heal his pain and look at me as a woman who adores him and not as one who has hurt him? He still wants to do things together each day and we work together, so I will have plenty of opportunities. He just wants to be good friends so he won't get hurt anymore. He says he feels dead inside and in order to survive, he needs to harden his heart from me to prevent anymore pain.

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