At a Loss How to Address This

Hello, I have been reading the forum for a couple of months, but this is my first post. I've been with my husband for 11 years, married about half that time. He is mid 30s, I am mid 40s. Early in our relationship things were great in the intimacy department. We both initiated equally, could talk about anything and were adventurous. I do have much more of a past than he and at times he has said I intimidate him sexually. I can be a bit aggressive and I have to try very hard to keep the monster at bay. In my effort to tone down my aggressiveness, I had made periodic efforts to not initiate so often. I began to notice a couple of weeks would pass, so of course I would initiate. I came to realize that if I didn't initiate, it didn't happen and that it had been that way for a long time. :scratchhead: About six months ago, I finally asked him about his lack of initiation over the years and I was crushed by his response. He said that he could no longer initiate because he did not want to force himself on me. He reluctantly tells me his reasoning for this is because of a sexual assault in my past. I confided this to him a few years into our relationship. I explained to him that I love and trust him 100%. I told him that he can do whatever he wants to/with me. He will not though because he doesn't want to be a rapist (his words). I spent years trying to overcome the whole "I'm damaged goods, no one will want to touch me after what happened." Now I feel like I am right back in that mode again. He still won't initiate and the tension has become worse now that I know why he won't. It has become very boring lately and any time I try to spice things up I freak him out with my suggestions. Before he knew my "secret" he was willing to try anything. I wish I had never told him! He is a super nice guy and while it is sweet that he doesn't want to hurt me in anyway it makes me feel dirty and like he doesn't want to be with me. Most women want/need to feel desired by their partner. How do I fix this and get back to where we used to be? Thank you.

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