How to forgive when I need forgiveness

My story begins like this...2 years ago I went through our phone log just to find out that my husband of 20 years had frequent calls to the same # during work hours only. I confronted him about it and he said it was a male friend that always wanted to discuss work issues. I never believed him & knew in my heart that he was cheating on me so out of spite, I contacted an old friend that had been trying to contact me for years. We talked about what had gone on in our lives only as friends but I was liking the attention I was getting and looked forward to the next conversation. We talked periodically, months away from each other, but as my husband became more distant and evident of his affair, I reached out to my friend who lived across the country and became more flirtatious and willing to meet up with him. So a year and a half went by of my husband distancing himself and me falling for prince charming that I finally agreed to meet him, clearly knowing what was going to happen. I spent a weekend with my prince charming knowing only in my gut and heart that my husband was having an affair and not having any proof but at this point it didn't matter anymore. I was in a miserable marriage and just wanted out. Both my prince charming and I knew it was nothing but a fling we were having with no commitments attached. Well a month later, I discovered what I knew all along...my husband was indeed having an affair with a co-worker for 3 years. At that point, it was the perfect opportunity for me to leave my miserable marriage but my children begged me to stay. After a couple of days of thinking it hard, I decided to work my marriage out. I thought to myself 'how can I be so angry with him & not forgive him for cheating on me when I did the same.' I could actually relate on how he could do this to me since I was capable of it and get away. He of course doesn't know about my affair. He thinks I went on a business trip and he didn't investigate it too much since it gave him time with his mistress. It's been 7 long agonizing months and although I made the decision to forgive him and work on our marriage, I hurt everyday for how he's hurt me and feel that I don't deserve this. We started going to church to reach to God to renew, restore and rebuild our marriage because I know that we both have true love for each. And for God to forgive both of us for going in the wrong direction for attention. I know this doesn't justify my actions but I know that I didn't have an affair because I loved this person but simply because I was getting the attention I wasn't at home. I do know that I love my husband with all my life and I feel that I'm in love with him and want to work this out but how can I deal with my shattered heart. I cry almost everyday and just need some peace in my heart to help me understand that he did it for the same reason and not because he loved her. Any advice for me?

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