| Hi, I'm new here and guess I'm just looking for some support really as i have no idea where to turn and no answers. I've been with my husband for 12 years and we have 3 young children. I discovered his huge collection of porn after we'd been together a couple of years and I was disgusted, almost leaving the relationship there and then, but it was too late as i was already in love. To cut a long story short, over the years i was promised hundreds of times that it would stop, and every time I trusted and believed it had, but it never did. I'd find porn DVD's hidden in CD cases, hundreds of pornsites saved in files on the computer, filthy stuff coming up in the web browser, I just couldn't escape from it! We had counselling but my husband would have one session alone with the therapist and tell me he was cured... and it would continue. I haven't seen anything for about a year but our marriage is now breaking down and we separated 6 months ago. I was never allowed to discuss the issue, if i ever tried he would either just dismiss it, change the subject or get angry. In the end the resentment within me built up so much that i was just angry all the time about everything. He never showed any remorse for the pain and lies he caused me and would just tell me that it was impossible for him to prove to me that he wasn't still doing anything, but i don't agree, i think if someone wants to prove something they will find a way. All those people (mainly men) who say it's just a bit of porn, what harm can it do, clearly come from a place of ignorance and inexperience. It is extremely harmful when the porn addict expects his wife/partner to act out these vile perversions!! When you have been bare faced lied to hundreds of times, it's no longer just about porn (which is vile enough for some of us as it is), it becomes a question of trust on a much deeper level...You feel like you're not good enough in bed for him, if you act out what he's seeing in porn, he'll be happy. If you just looked a little better, he'd give up his porn. He doesn't really love you, if he did, he wouldn't be lying to you. He'll never get free. Your marriage is finished! Leave now while you still can! You'll never be able to trust him again. I've been through all those emotions for the last 10 years... I've tried talking to my husband about it since we've separated but he's unresponsive and emotionless. He just wants everything to go back to the way it was without dealing with the porn issue and he doesn't seem to get that it's this issue that has got us to where we currently are, but i just can't get over it, i don't believe the porn is finished and i don't trust him. I do want to work at the marriage but he refuses to engage in any discussion about the porn, so how can we ever resolve it?? & yet he still expects everything to go back to normal, which just makes me even angrier because its as if my feelings mean nothing and I'm expected to live a life constantly torturing myself about what he's doing behind my back and all those awful negative emotions that go with it, chipping away at your soul, while he lives a happy life continuing to do what he wants. I feel as if i'm in limbo, unable to move forward with my life as I just don't know what to do :( | |||
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