| My wife and I have been married for 8 years and are now having serious marital problems. She has been overwhelmed with work, taking classes, lack of sleep, managing life, etc. for the last 3 years. In 2011, I lost my job and was out of work for a year. Soon after, we lost our house and had to file for bankruptcy. Over that time, we stayed together. We have a 4 1/2 year old son and haven't had a strong intimate relationship since he was born. Our relationship has been more like a friendship over the last 4 years. We get along and don't fight very often, but don't have that intimacy or closeness. While she will be finished with classes this month and her stress level should go down, she says she needs a break to "figure things out" this summer. There is no OM. She comes home straight after work and is too overwhelmed with school work to go out at night or on the weekends. We have been to couples counseling 3 times together and a few times separately since October. We haven't been consistently, so that is our next step(In May) if my wife agrees to it. We go on a date night once a month, but haven't been on a over-night date since October. I am just confused as to how to act....should I hug her when she doesn't really hug back. There is zero intimacy and touch. Zero. Should I keep doing things for her (laundry, breakfast, etc.) There is little effort on her part on our relationship....and I feel that won't change until she gets consistent counseling and/or medication. Something in her mind is "blocking" us from being close. Slowly over the last few years, other things have taken a priority over our marriage. "LIFE" (work, school, kid, bills, Etc.) has consumed her and our relationship has taken a back seat. Again, I don't know if that "spark" can just re-appear without serious counseling together and with her separately. Again, this is HARD because we get along and don't argue. We are just "friends" and don't have that closeness we once had. She broke down crying yesterday, overwhelmed with everything. She says she doesn't want to hurt me, and wants me to be involved with our son's life as much as I am now. She calls me the perfect husband and perfect father but she's not attracted to me at this time. The intimacy switch has been turned off on her end for a while. She has mentioned that I should stay at my parents(10 minutes away) this summer to give her space and give her time to figure things out. I've been told their is nothing I can do to make her love me....she has to WANT to make an effort in this. I'm afraid if I keep pushing this will push her away more. I am struggling as I love her and don't want to "give in". Other people have told me, "don't leave the house", the person that wants out of the marriage should leave. This is not a violent relationship. I want this marriage to work, and I don't think she really understands what a divorce will do to us and our son. Do I keep being the great husband and support her, but not be pushy, or should I stop doing things for her(which will add more to the stress level in her life?) Can you provide any guidance? I greatly appreciate it. | |||
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