Can't deal with the OC and the whole affair

So after finding out my husband of 2 years had 2 affairs!!!!! One online with some random girl he never met and another one where he fathered a child that happens to be just a month older than our son ( currently 4 months old). I decided I can't deal with this other kid. I know and understand it is nit his fault, and I feel awful bc this kid was born with special needs as he is deaf. This OW is the worst ( aren't they all?) but this one seriously is. My husband is no saint, and if she got oregnant on purpose that doesn not change anything bc he still decided to go have unprotected sex with her. But anyway, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. One day i feel angry and mad and just want to hurt him and hurt her (if you see my other post you'll se she is an illegal immigrant) so i want her to get fired or deported or whatever. The next day i feel like is 100% his fault and i want to hurt him emotionally... I feel like i want to just run away and cheat on him so he knows how it feels... Next thing i know i feel bad again about all of it and blame myself because of how our marriage was not in a good place last year when he had these affairs. So it has been not fun at sll coping with all these mixed emotions. But i came down to this (and again you'll need to read the other post to understand wuite better ) but i decided i dont want this other child in our lives, it is not fair and it won't do any good to my familyz, my sons don't need to know what his dad did and i sure dont want my famiy to know about it either. She got and stayed pregnan on purpose. I understand he has to oay child suppoirt and all that, but he doesnt want to know about this kid either (i kniw he sounds like the worst man in the world and he is ni saint) but he is ashamed of what he did and he had like a really bad realationship with this woman. She is an alcoholic and i just found out that she knew he was married the whole time! I talked to her and confronted hr about it in a mature decent way. Never offended her, never said anything bad to her. But this woman just filed for child support because she is on welfare and they told her she had to file for child support (of course the gov doesnt want to give money t o anybody, specially illegal immigrants) so she told me she kust wants the miney, she doesnt want him to be in the kids life, but if he files for custody too snd the judge says he has rights over this child then she'll be ok with it. She is taking him to court, they have to appear in court next month. She knows that if she ever faces deportation that child will stay with my husband since he is the father and would have custody too. She said thats her worse fear. So i told her that if all she wanted was the money we coud make an agreement in which he had nothing to do with the kid but he would still pay for diapers, food, wipes and clothing. She told me she was going to let me know. My life is a mess right niw, i forgave him and for some reason he thinks we can act like nothing ever happen. He jokes around, he takes the kids to the playground, goes for take out food, and pretty much it feels like nothing happen. I told him we were going to work things out, but i dont think he has the right to be so happy aroud the house. As i feel right now i just want to leave his ass to see if he realizes that he has to deal with this too. I want to make myself feel better thinking that this kid is also better off knowing his dads. That he doesnt need to kniw his mom was with a marreid man and this man still decided to stay with his family. Nut i dont ow if that is true. Am I awful because I dont want this kid in our family? I really dnt want to hurt my children by kniwing what his dad did. Please help!

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