Almost infidelity in the military

Long story short me and my wife have been in a rough spot for the last couple years. About 8 months ago things got really bad and I started an emotional relationship with another woman that lasted about 2 months. I got into the relationship because I liked the feeling that someone was interested in me and it boosted my confidence and self-esteem. I ended that relationship because I wanted to be fully committed to repairing my marriage because I am still in love with my wife and I want to be with her. I'm almost positive that my wife didn't know about the relationship. If she did know she never said anything about it. Fast forward to today. My wife has told me that she has been depressed for some time and has started seeing a counselor. This isn't new information- she has told me before that she has felt depressed and we had talked about it some but it always seemed to go away or it lightened up enough that she was able to hide it from me. Without rambling on as to how I had found out... a couple of days ago I discovered that my wife has been emailing and texting a guy who is married that lives in the state but not in the area and they have been having some inappropriate conversations. Nothing has been too sexually explicit but there are undeniable innuendos. I'm pretty sure that I have caught this before anything physical has happened but they have talked about him coming down to visit soon. I am hurt for obvious reasons but I'm not mad at her because I am hoping that she is just doing this for the same reasons that I did even though things now aren't half as bad as they were before. If this is the case, part of me almost wants this to continue because I know that without me entering into my relationship a few months ago I would not have had the strength to handle that very rough time and my wife and I would not be married today. On the other hand she has more opportunity to make take this from just a conversation to something physical. If it does go physical I don't think I can stay with her. What scares me the most is that they have talked about him coming to visit and him going on a tiger cruse (when a friend or family member comes to the ship for the last few days before the ship pulls back into its home port. spouses are prohibited from participating in tiger cruses) the next time she is deployed. I'm afraid that if I confront her about it now I will lose her but if I don't confront her then things will go too far and I will have to end it. If I do confront her I can have full transparence of her Facebook, text and personal email but I have no way of having access to her work email. This is important because I know that they have had conversations via that account. I am willing to allow it to continue for a little while no matter how bad it makes me feel so that she feels better about herself until she can work things out and decide that she wants to make a full effort in our marriage but I cannot allow it to go so far that it would cause me to end our marriage. If feel that if I make the wrong move then I will cause our marriege to end and I want to do whatever it takes not just because I love her and want to be with her but for our two young kids too. Am I crazy? What should I do?

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