| Hi all, new to this. Just want to type this out and see what people think... Bear with me. It will be long..I feel a bit pathetic but I am lost at the moment... Its not something I can talk to anyone about properly. So... ive been with my partner for nearly 2 years. I'm in my late 30s (female) and it is the relationship I have been waiting my whole life for after disasters... where I feel truly like I am someone's girlfriend, great mutual attraction, we're both attractive, fit people... I feel solid and contented, involved with his family and him with mine etc, really great... Except...and its major ... He is impotent. ( He is in 30s too). There I said it... So its been a gradual realisation as over time just never happened. i cannot believe I can be this (un)lucky. ... and have waited this long and now ... no sex. I am not sex crazy but its tough. We get close to it and then ... He cant. I have been very patient supportive etc but he has spells (weeks) where he wont even cuddle me and it gets tense. I have said to his face more than once that I am worried about the physical side of us and we need to deal with it. He just says hes stressed at work and thats all. Nothing wrong with me and him.Like end of subject. So because of this major problem I feel like things are silently crumbling and i worry about the long term. I dont want to give him an ultimatum but one night I mentioned Id like children in a gentle non demanding way... i mean im 38... I dont panic about marriage but I do panic about fertility and risks of being an older mum... (Obviously I would like to be having regular sex with my boyfriend first...) He said yes ... in a kind of mildly exasperated tone. Somehow, We plan on living together but i said fresh start, new house. But he is getting really uptight and does not budge on much even really tiny everyday house stuff which is making me doubt living with him let alone anything else. Plus how does he think we can live together if we havent ever had full sex? He really is great although this text will no doubt focus on the negatives... So there are lots of positives with him but if there are these things that are niggling me now? Plus the impotence... Always there.. He s very uptight about domestic stuff. Very particular about little things being as he likes and doesnt adapt to me. At the moment this is tricky because I stay with him at his place 3 nights a week so its his turf. I have learned to adapt myself a lot. So examples of my niggles are... He criticises me snoring which upsets me. I try and sleep all night on my side. Then apologises. He is quite messy and im tidy. Ive loosened up a lot I think. He puts the duvet on the bed in a deliberate mess and when I just make the bed he really doesnt like it. Said it drives him crazy. weird?? Makes me feel like its weird of me to want a flat duvet. I said yesterday how can we live together if we cant agree on a duvet? No answer from him. He doesnt want to go abroad with me but wont be clear about it, even though I love to travel and said id like us to together. He just says he loves our own country and he says not scared of flying. So we are nearly on our 4th non foreign trip. I do enjoy them but... So finally my questions. Is he a control freak or if I tackle the impotence would that unlock everything? Am I just too scared to be single again after finding him? I do love him and he loves me. But If you love someone surely you compromise. I think I have. Am i being too weak with him to avoid us breaking up. Scared of failing again? I dont think we should live together until we resolve stuff. I am willing to talk more and even argue. Maybe healthy to do that but its one of those things a woman cant really get maybe. i want us to go to a doctor but he hasnt even got a doctor and hates docs & hospitals etc. I feel like we re living a bit of lie . Please help, what should my next step be? | |||
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