Hi All,
I am in this loveless, sexless marriage. We've been married for ten years and have 2 kids-5yrs and 10 months.
My husband has a good job, earns well but has serious anger issues. He's a control freak in my opinion. It took me a while to figure that out. It's bcoz he does lots of chores that many men are lazy at but he does only those things that he wants to do. So it's not about helping me. But I still appreciate the help.
He has no emotional attachment to anyone, no real friends and he doesn't care about socializing nor does he miss it. We never have anyone come to our house. I, on the other hand, love having people over. I find it very difficult to be living a life with no friends, no get-togethers, no celebrations. I also fear that this will hurt our kids social behavior.
I've spoken to H several times about this. He acts like he agrees with me but goes back to his old self. I don't see him making any serious attempt to change. The other part is his anger. Being a control-freak, he cannot tolerate even if the smallest thing is not done his way. With the older kid, he snaps at him all the time. Within seconds of waking up in the morning, the two of them will be butting heads. He has hit the kid several times which I've strongly opposed but he doesn't care for my words. He's very rude with the kid. With me, if I don't agree he'll just walk away. Even generally, we never do anything together. He'll either stay out of it completely or do it alone; even something as simple as cooking.
He doesn't like to fix things around the house nor does he like spending money on handymen. If it's not important to him, he'll not get it done. My preferences do not matter to him at all. I used to be a SAHM. But all this made me very depressed; I've developed severe low self-esteem as I feel unloved, unwanted, I've lost my communication skills, I'm just a walking dead person. I try to cheer myself up every once in a while, but he brings me down quickly. I feel suicidal all the time; I feel trapped as I don't know what to do with the kids.
I don't see myself growing old with him. He'll never care for me. When I'm down he never consoles me. He stays away from me as much as he can(for e.g., he'll be downstairs when I'm upstairs, never makes any plans to do anything like watch a movie or go to a restaurant, he's never eager to be around me). Needless to say, there's no sex. He keeps saying that we're not newly married anymore so the spark has gone. But we're still in our 30s. I don't think men lose it that early. Even if some day we've sex, it's more like he masturbates on me. He doesn't talk to me or even look at me during sex and once done quickly turns and goes to sleep. I feel like I'm just a commodity for him. Maybe he's thinking of some porn star while masturbating on me. It makes me feel very cheap.
I believe marriage is a 2 way street. Both have to respect each other's preferences and should do things for one another. I cook all the time and make his favorite dishes without him having to ask for it. I care for the kids, found a good daycare for them since I found a full time job and make efforts to build our social circle. In return, I only expect to be treated like a lady. I want a man who will take care of me and my kids. With whom I feel secure, who does not whine about his responsibilities, who does not act like a jail warden. I'm thinking much into the future, when we grow old, how is he going to treat me when I've health issues, how is he going to handle the kids when they turn teenagers, how is going to guide them. He acts like a teenager himself.
I'm very scared about our future. I've felt several times that I should walk away. I'm not sure if that's the right decision and if it is where do I go. What will be my kids' future? I've been patient for a long time but I cannot take it anymore.
Any advice is appreciated.
Thanks
I am in this loveless, sexless marriage. We've been married for ten years and have 2 kids-5yrs and 10 months.
My husband has a good job, earns well but has serious anger issues. He's a control freak in my opinion. It took me a while to figure that out. It's bcoz he does lots of chores that many men are lazy at but he does only those things that he wants to do. So it's not about helping me. But I still appreciate the help.
He has no emotional attachment to anyone, no real friends and he doesn't care about socializing nor does he miss it. We never have anyone come to our house. I, on the other hand, love having people over. I find it very difficult to be living a life with no friends, no get-togethers, no celebrations. I also fear that this will hurt our kids social behavior.
I've spoken to H several times about this. He acts like he agrees with me but goes back to his old self. I don't see him making any serious attempt to change. The other part is his anger. Being a control-freak, he cannot tolerate even if the smallest thing is not done his way. With the older kid, he snaps at him all the time. Within seconds of waking up in the morning, the two of them will be butting heads. He has hit the kid several times which I've strongly opposed but he doesn't care for my words. He's very rude with the kid. With me, if I don't agree he'll just walk away. Even generally, we never do anything together. He'll either stay out of it completely or do it alone; even something as simple as cooking.
He doesn't like to fix things around the house nor does he like spending money on handymen. If it's not important to him, he'll not get it done. My preferences do not matter to him at all. I used to be a SAHM. But all this made me very depressed; I've developed severe low self-esteem as I feel unloved, unwanted, I've lost my communication skills, I'm just a walking dead person. I try to cheer myself up every once in a while, but he brings me down quickly. I feel suicidal all the time; I feel trapped as I don't know what to do with the kids.
I don't see myself growing old with him. He'll never care for me. When I'm down he never consoles me. He stays away from me as much as he can(for e.g., he'll be downstairs when I'm upstairs, never makes any plans to do anything like watch a movie or go to a restaurant, he's never eager to be around me). Needless to say, there's no sex. He keeps saying that we're not newly married anymore so the spark has gone. But we're still in our 30s. I don't think men lose it that early. Even if some day we've sex, it's more like he masturbates on me. He doesn't talk to me or even look at me during sex and once done quickly turns and goes to sleep. I feel like I'm just a commodity for him. Maybe he's thinking of some porn star while masturbating on me. It makes me feel very cheap.
I believe marriage is a 2 way street. Both have to respect each other's preferences and should do things for one another. I cook all the time and make his favorite dishes without him having to ask for it. I care for the kids, found a good daycare for them since I found a full time job and make efforts to build our social circle. In return, I only expect to be treated like a lady. I want a man who will take care of me and my kids. With whom I feel secure, who does not whine about his responsibilities, who does not act like a jail warden. I'm thinking much into the future, when we grow old, how is he going to treat me when I've health issues, how is he going to handle the kids when they turn teenagers, how is going to guide them. He acts like a teenager himself.
I'm very scared about our future. I've felt several times that I should walk away. I'm not sure if that's the right decision and if it is where do I go. What will be my kids' future? I've been patient for a long time but I cannot take it anymore.
Any advice is appreciated.
Thanks
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