I am in my early 30's and my wife is in her late 20's. We have been married now for just under 2 years. My wife recently informed me that she no longer feels sexually attracted to me. She told me that she still finds me attractive and still loves me, but she no longer has any sort of sexual feelings towards me. This wasn't a statement that I wanted to hear, but after how this year has been unfortunately didn't surprise me too much.
A little background on our relationship. After we first met, we struggled to have a good sex life. We had what seems like a million different road blocks in our way. Before we met, I was single for a significant amount of time, after getting out of an on-and-off relationship where my previous partner had cheated on me multiple times. This did a lot to my self-confidence and may have played a small role in our sexual problems. On top of this, I was also addicted to porn. I had no idea that this would affect me in the bedroom, and after realizing what it had done to me sexually, stopped. When I would have trouble performing in the bedroom, I often felt both embarrassed and like I was letting my wife down. This then lead me to not seek sex with my wife and only have sex when she confronted me about it. I had a couple minor relapses, in which I had lied to my wife about at first but have not had any since. Now to make matters even worse, I was also recently diagnosed with low testosterone.
On top of my problems, my wife had a minor surgery to remove some cancerous cells on her cervix. After this happened, whenever we had sex, it caused her some pain. I wanted to have sex with her, but I didn't want to at the expense of her pain. This is another factor that lead me to not reach out and attempt to have sex with her. I completely waited for her to make the move.
My wife and I have been having chats on and off over the past year about our sexual problems and other problems due to my lack of motivation to help around the house and to complete projects. I had struggled mightily in both areas, almost leaving my wife to fend for herself. When we spoke about the sexual aspect of our relationship, she mentioned that she wanted me to be more assertive and more of the starter when it came to our sex life instead of her having to start it all the time. At this point, you can probably see my problem. I have wanted to have sex with my wife, but didn't want to feel embarrassed or cause her pain. On top of this problem, the few times that I attempted to start something with her, she backed me away and told me that she couldn't have sex then because she wasn't prepared. (This didn't happen all the time. I only attempted this a couple times.)
I focused mainly on helping around the house and working on projects instead of working on both. In hind-sight, I should have focused on both or possible jus the sexual aspect of our relationship, but I didn't.
I have recently started taking a testosterone replacement drug, and am feeling like I did when I was in my early 20's. I am full of motivation and full of sexual desire.
The problem that I am having now might be a case of too little too late. I do not want my marriage to end. I truly love my wife and want things for us to get better. We are going to be starting to go to marriage counseling this week. I am looking forward to this and am really hoping that this will help us, but I just asked my wife last night what her complete outlook for this situation is and she told me that she wants it to work but that she isn't holding out any hope.
I do not know where to go from here. I hope that some counseling can help us but I am not sure if we are too far gone. Any advice for helping re-start our marriage or helping me come up with a way to make my wife feel sexually attracted to me would be helpful.
Thank you and many apologies for this extremely long winded message.
Scott
A little background on our relationship. After we first met, we struggled to have a good sex life. We had what seems like a million different road blocks in our way. Before we met, I was single for a significant amount of time, after getting out of an on-and-off relationship where my previous partner had cheated on me multiple times. This did a lot to my self-confidence and may have played a small role in our sexual problems. On top of this, I was also addicted to porn. I had no idea that this would affect me in the bedroom, and after realizing what it had done to me sexually, stopped. When I would have trouble performing in the bedroom, I often felt both embarrassed and like I was letting my wife down. This then lead me to not seek sex with my wife and only have sex when she confronted me about it. I had a couple minor relapses, in which I had lied to my wife about at first but have not had any since. Now to make matters even worse, I was also recently diagnosed with low testosterone.
On top of my problems, my wife had a minor surgery to remove some cancerous cells on her cervix. After this happened, whenever we had sex, it caused her some pain. I wanted to have sex with her, but I didn't want to at the expense of her pain. This is another factor that lead me to not reach out and attempt to have sex with her. I completely waited for her to make the move.
My wife and I have been having chats on and off over the past year about our sexual problems and other problems due to my lack of motivation to help around the house and to complete projects. I had struggled mightily in both areas, almost leaving my wife to fend for herself. When we spoke about the sexual aspect of our relationship, she mentioned that she wanted me to be more assertive and more of the starter when it came to our sex life instead of her having to start it all the time. At this point, you can probably see my problem. I have wanted to have sex with my wife, but didn't want to feel embarrassed or cause her pain. On top of this problem, the few times that I attempted to start something with her, she backed me away and told me that she couldn't have sex then because she wasn't prepared. (This didn't happen all the time. I only attempted this a couple times.)
I focused mainly on helping around the house and working on projects instead of working on both. In hind-sight, I should have focused on both or possible jus the sexual aspect of our relationship, but I didn't.
I have recently started taking a testosterone replacement drug, and am feeling like I did when I was in my early 20's. I am full of motivation and full of sexual desire.
The problem that I am having now might be a case of too little too late. I do not want my marriage to end. I truly love my wife and want things for us to get better. We are going to be starting to go to marriage counseling this week. I am looking forward to this and am really hoping that this will help us, but I just asked my wife last night what her complete outlook for this situation is and she told me that she wants it to work but that she isn't holding out any hope.
I do not know where to go from here. I hope that some counseling can help us but I am not sure if we are too far gone. Any advice for helping re-start our marriage or helping me come up with a way to make my wife feel sexually attracted to me would be helpful.
Thank you and many apologies for this extremely long winded message.
Scott
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