Sorry for the long post.
I am new here and I would rather post here and receive advice and empathy in order to fight the need to contact my X.
History: this was 2nd marriage for both of us. I went through a rough divorce due to XH#1s midlife crises. Saw myself alone after 21 years of marriage. Started dating XH2 (Mr. Bibi) two years after first X was gone. Mr. Bibi had been a widower for 10 years when we started dating. We married two months after my divorce was final. Everything was great for about 1.5 years. Then one morning we had a fight over me spending too much of our weekend trip visiting my DD who needed her mom because she broke up with her boyfriend and felt alone in a new town attending college. I put my foot down and told him I would spend as much time with my kid as she needed. He started yelling and cussing terrible things at me. I was totally freaked because this was not like mr. B at all. Long story short, he apologized a few days later and we got back together. But something broke in our relationship and I became very resentful and angry of his verbal abuse because the fights were now q uite ugly and we both lost respect for each other.
At two years of marriage, Mr. B was diagnosed with jawbone cancer. Before his cancer, we had discussed that our fights were out of control and we needed counseling. Well, the cancer took priority in our lives and the marriage issues were left in the back burner. Mr. B and I got along fine for the next year or so. His treatment and operations went really well.
Then one weekend we fought for something silly which I can't even recall and I yelled and cussed at him and told him our relationship was over. I of course regretted what I had done immediately but my stupid pride didn't allow me to call until a week later. He did not want to see me or hear from me again, and he kept his word. So a month later I filed for divorce because he gave me the speech ILYBINILWY. We didn't have property or children together so we were divorced on 2 months. I begged and pleaded with him three more times that year to no avail. I finally understood that hitting that dang brick wall was only causing me pain.
I did the 180 and worked on me. Dated a bit but not really invested in anything because I loved him and in the eyes of my faith I was still a married woman who loved her husband.
On the last week of August, my heart won against my better judgement and I iniciated contact with Mr. B after 5 years. I sent him an email asking how he was doing and hoping to just catch up as things between us ended badly. To my utter dismay, Mr. B answered my email and admitted he was a bit surprised I was contacting him. I told him I was so glad he answered and that I missed him. That's all it took. He couldn't wait for us to meet and catch up on each other's lives. I traveled that weekend to meet him. He planned a nice dinner for me on Friday night and cooked my favorite meal. He also planned for us to attend a concert together on Saturday night and dinner and a movie on Sunday.
I was very excited and extremely nervous when I got there, but he opened the door and kissed me on the lips like he always did when we were together. I was very surprised but happy. We ate dinner and he made sure everything was perfect and I fell right into his trap. He said everything I wanted to hear. He asked if I had contacted him because I missed him and if I still had feelings for him. I of course said yes. That I had never stopped lovinghim. He lied and said he felt the same hence why we were now there.
We had a great evening that of course ended up with us making passionate love almost all night. we parted in the morning so that I could go visit my daughter, grand daughter and son in law. Went to the concert on Saturday evening and spend the night with him again as well as Sunday. We didn't talk about the past at all, and just enjoyed each other's company. Lovemaking was great and we both said we loved each other very much.
I left Monday moring thinking we would make plans to see each other again in 2 weeks. He threw the first clue then. He told me there was no pressure of any kind and that Bibi and Mr. B were ok. I thought his comment was odd but I said that everything was great between us and that I would call him to let him know I had gotten home safe. I now live 6 hours away from Mr. B.
I get home and call him that I'm home safe. He thanks me for the wonderful weekend we shared and left it at that. I email him the next morning telling him how much I had missed us and how good it felt to love him and not have to bury my feelings anymore.
He responds to my email a day later with an ultimatum that he doesn't want a relationship with any strings attached because he does not plan on ever getting married again and that his priority right now are his kids and their families and his work. That he wanted to be nothing but honest with me. That he wanted us to continue seeing each other whenever we could with no pressures, no strings attached, resentments, or disillusions of any kind. In other words he wanted me to be his booty call/wh0re etc.
What a LIER and a coward. He used me and wanted to keep using me to punish and humiliate me until he felt like it. He never have the ball$ to tell me this while we were together and in person. He sent it all through email.
I was royally pissed and told him that time was not our friend. That he was a 60 year old man with ED problems and I was 50. I would never be his ***** no matter how much I loved him. In God's eyes, I was still his wife and that is why I always seeked to reconcile with my husband even after divorce.
That if he had done the worldly thing and put it upon himself to sleep with me as a means of revenge, then he had sunk too low in our Lord's eyes. He knew he couldn't serve two masters. He either served God or he served the world. He needed to drop to his knees and beg his God for forgiveness.
Either way I was now free because my love and intentions were always pure and his were not. They were full of deceit.
So, I guess I will never hear from him again:(
My heart is broken because I truly love him and my love for him never died. I still hang on to hope that he will realize that he loves me too, but I think he is very angry, resentful and may even hate me at this point. His heart is poisoned like mine was when we parted 6 years ago.
I am new here and I would rather post here and receive advice and empathy in order to fight the need to contact my X.
History: this was 2nd marriage for both of us. I went through a rough divorce due to XH#1s midlife crises. Saw myself alone after 21 years of marriage. Started dating XH2 (Mr. Bibi) two years after first X was gone. Mr. Bibi had been a widower for 10 years when we started dating. We married two months after my divorce was final. Everything was great for about 1.5 years. Then one morning we had a fight over me spending too much of our weekend trip visiting my DD who needed her mom because she broke up with her boyfriend and felt alone in a new town attending college. I put my foot down and told him I would spend as much time with my kid as she needed. He started yelling and cussing terrible things at me. I was totally freaked because this was not like mr. B at all. Long story short, he apologized a few days later and we got back together. But something broke in our relationship and I became very resentful and angry of his verbal abuse because the fights were now q uite ugly and we both lost respect for each other.
At two years of marriage, Mr. B was diagnosed with jawbone cancer. Before his cancer, we had discussed that our fights were out of control and we needed counseling. Well, the cancer took priority in our lives and the marriage issues were left in the back burner. Mr. B and I got along fine for the next year or so. His treatment and operations went really well.
Then one weekend we fought for something silly which I can't even recall and I yelled and cussed at him and told him our relationship was over. I of course regretted what I had done immediately but my stupid pride didn't allow me to call until a week later. He did not want to see me or hear from me again, and he kept his word. So a month later I filed for divorce because he gave me the speech ILYBINILWY. We didn't have property or children together so we were divorced on 2 months. I begged and pleaded with him three more times that year to no avail. I finally understood that hitting that dang brick wall was only causing me pain.
I did the 180 and worked on me. Dated a bit but not really invested in anything because I loved him and in the eyes of my faith I was still a married woman who loved her husband.
On the last week of August, my heart won against my better judgement and I iniciated contact with Mr. B after 5 years. I sent him an email asking how he was doing and hoping to just catch up as things between us ended badly. To my utter dismay, Mr. B answered my email and admitted he was a bit surprised I was contacting him. I told him I was so glad he answered and that I missed him. That's all it took. He couldn't wait for us to meet and catch up on each other's lives. I traveled that weekend to meet him. He planned a nice dinner for me on Friday night and cooked my favorite meal. He also planned for us to attend a concert together on Saturday night and dinner and a movie on Sunday.
I was very excited and extremely nervous when I got there, but he opened the door and kissed me on the lips like he always did when we were together. I was very surprised but happy. We ate dinner and he made sure everything was perfect and I fell right into his trap. He said everything I wanted to hear. He asked if I had contacted him because I missed him and if I still had feelings for him. I of course said yes. That I had never stopped lovinghim. He lied and said he felt the same hence why we were now there.
We had a great evening that of course ended up with us making passionate love almost all night. we parted in the morning so that I could go visit my daughter, grand daughter and son in law. Went to the concert on Saturday evening and spend the night with him again as well as Sunday. We didn't talk about the past at all, and just enjoyed each other's company. Lovemaking was great and we both said we loved each other very much.
I left Monday moring thinking we would make plans to see each other again in 2 weeks. He threw the first clue then. He told me there was no pressure of any kind and that Bibi and Mr. B were ok. I thought his comment was odd but I said that everything was great between us and that I would call him to let him know I had gotten home safe. I now live 6 hours away from Mr. B.
I get home and call him that I'm home safe. He thanks me for the wonderful weekend we shared and left it at that. I email him the next morning telling him how much I had missed us and how good it felt to love him and not have to bury my feelings anymore.
He responds to my email a day later with an ultimatum that he doesn't want a relationship with any strings attached because he does not plan on ever getting married again and that his priority right now are his kids and their families and his work. That he wanted to be nothing but honest with me. That he wanted us to continue seeing each other whenever we could with no pressures, no strings attached, resentments, or disillusions of any kind. In other words he wanted me to be his booty call/wh0re etc.
What a LIER and a coward. He used me and wanted to keep using me to punish and humiliate me until he felt like it. He never have the ball$ to tell me this while we were together and in person. He sent it all through email.
I was royally pissed and told him that time was not our friend. That he was a 60 year old man with ED problems and I was 50. I would never be his ***** no matter how much I loved him. In God's eyes, I was still his wife and that is why I always seeked to reconcile with my husband even after divorce.
That if he had done the worldly thing and put it upon himself to sleep with me as a means of revenge, then he had sunk too low in our Lord's eyes. He knew he couldn't serve two masters. He either served God or he served the world. He needed to drop to his knees and beg his God for forgiveness.
Either way I was now free because my love and intentions were always pure and his were not. They were full of deceit.
So, I guess I will never hear from him again:(
My heart is broken because I truly love him and my love for him never died. I still hang on to hope that he will realize that he loves me too, but I think he is very angry, resentful and may even hate me at this point. His heart is poisoned like mine was when we parted 6 years ago.
Put the internet to work for you.
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