I dont even know how to start this. I am just really embarrassed and disappointed in myself and my relationship. I know he loves me and hasn't physically cheated on me but i feel just betrayed.
My boyfriend loves drinking and socializing as do I but once it hits 5am after a night of partying I knock out. As for him he keeps going till the next day. Usually a night out for us is we start around 10pm and around 6am I go to sleep he eventually sleeps the following night.
I have had trouble sleeping because of our past. A few month into the relationship i would be sleeping in the bed and he would be outside in the backyard smoking cigarettes stuck on his phone or in his car for hours while i was inside the house sleeping. I really hated it, i thought he was talking to someone untill i caught him one night i saw he was jerking off to a porn. He admitted he would go out to his car for privacy. I let it go and it didnt bother me as much anymore. Then after one night of partying he passed out a few hours after me and his phone went off and it was a message from a girl from his past. I went through his phone and found out that he had called and spoked to like 4 different women from his past all while i was inside sleeping. He also texted one saying 143 which means i love you. She is a girl that he never dated but every time he would go to his home town he would sleep with her. He told me about all his exes so i knew all their names. Anyways i was just heart broken and angry eventually we patched it up with him promises never to do that again.
After that it was hard to even trust him everytime he would go outside to smoke a cigarette and take his phone i felt like he was talking to the girls. Eventually that feeling passed until another night same thing happened he was drunk and around 8am and made noise in the room while i was 2 hours into my sleep. I woke up to him sitting on the floor with his phone in his hand, he shut down the screen extremely fast. I demanded he gave me his phone, after minutes of yelling he gave it to me then I saw he texted the same girl jamie "you wanna phone bone"... She never responded to his calls or text.
His excuse was he gets lonely when hes drunk and just wants to talk and when i go to sleep he is just searching for anyone who wants to talk. And that's complete BS because when i would look at his call log it was only just his exss he called. Never any guys at all!!! He let me delete her number and swore he would never do that again he told me to take his phone away when he gets to that point, i felt like that wasnt right why should i have to take your phone away for you not to do that. He claims that he was a player and a huge cheater before me and that I have made him not want to cheat and for the first time in his life he is actually happy and for the first time in my life i really was.
Hes 33 and I'm 24, i used to think that the age differences wasn't a big deal but its hard to deal with the fact that every friend of his that he introduces me to he has slept with them at some point of his life. Its just so uncomfortable knowing that. Knowing that they know what he likes and what he doesnt like and stuff like that. Maybe thats just me being immature but it just sucks.
Look the real reason why I am writing this is because sunday night he was drinking again and i felt really bad from the night of partying before. So I didnt join him. I went to bed while he stayed up i wasnt feeling good at all. When i woke up in the morning he was right next to me. He locked his phone screen and slammed the pillow on top and layed on the pillow like he was sleeping. I went crazy demanding his phone. We fought and he pushed me it got physical he refused to give it to me. He says he has a right to his own privacy and i am not getting his phone. I eventually got into it. He admitted that he was looking on backpage and calling escorts just to talk before i went on his phone and saw it for myself. I just dont know what to do anymore. He told me its because he was drunk and wanted to talk to anyone and he didnt want to call the girls from his past so he called escorts just to talk. You know its one thing to look and it sucks to even think of him looking at the gir ls in our area and clicking on their page but the fact that he acted and called and talked to the ones he wanted to be with... That is just so hard to deal with.
I keep saying to myself At least he didnt sleep with them. But i am really sad. I feel like i cant sleep anymore because he will go and call a girl. I feel so insecure. I dont even want to go out and drink with him. I hate mysef for not being a party animal. I dont know if i am just over reacting but i just picture him talking to the girls and jerking off and its just so disgusting. I feel hurt.
What do i do next i hope someone can help me because i am lost.
My boyfriend loves drinking and socializing as do I but once it hits 5am after a night of partying I knock out. As for him he keeps going till the next day. Usually a night out for us is we start around 10pm and around 6am I go to sleep he eventually sleeps the following night.
I have had trouble sleeping because of our past. A few month into the relationship i would be sleeping in the bed and he would be outside in the backyard smoking cigarettes stuck on his phone or in his car for hours while i was inside the house sleeping. I really hated it, i thought he was talking to someone untill i caught him one night i saw he was jerking off to a porn. He admitted he would go out to his car for privacy. I let it go and it didnt bother me as much anymore. Then after one night of partying he passed out a few hours after me and his phone went off and it was a message from a girl from his past. I went through his phone and found out that he had called and spoked to like 4 different women from his past all while i was inside sleeping. He also texted one saying 143 which means i love you. She is a girl that he never dated but every time he would go to his home town he would sleep with her. He told me about all his exes so i knew all their names. Anyways i was just heart broken and angry eventually we patched it up with him promises never to do that again.
After that it was hard to even trust him everytime he would go outside to smoke a cigarette and take his phone i felt like he was talking to the girls. Eventually that feeling passed until another night same thing happened he was drunk and around 8am and made noise in the room while i was 2 hours into my sleep. I woke up to him sitting on the floor with his phone in his hand, he shut down the screen extremely fast. I demanded he gave me his phone, after minutes of yelling he gave it to me then I saw he texted the same girl jamie "you wanna phone bone"... She never responded to his calls or text.
His excuse was he gets lonely when hes drunk and just wants to talk and when i go to sleep he is just searching for anyone who wants to talk. And that's complete BS because when i would look at his call log it was only just his exss he called. Never any guys at all!!! He let me delete her number and swore he would never do that again he told me to take his phone away when he gets to that point, i felt like that wasnt right why should i have to take your phone away for you not to do that. He claims that he was a player and a huge cheater before me and that I have made him not want to cheat and for the first time in his life he is actually happy and for the first time in my life i really was.
Hes 33 and I'm 24, i used to think that the age differences wasn't a big deal but its hard to deal with the fact that every friend of his that he introduces me to he has slept with them at some point of his life. Its just so uncomfortable knowing that. Knowing that they know what he likes and what he doesnt like and stuff like that. Maybe thats just me being immature but it just sucks.
Look the real reason why I am writing this is because sunday night he was drinking again and i felt really bad from the night of partying before. So I didnt join him. I went to bed while he stayed up i wasnt feeling good at all. When i woke up in the morning he was right next to me. He locked his phone screen and slammed the pillow on top and layed on the pillow like he was sleeping. I went crazy demanding his phone. We fought and he pushed me it got physical he refused to give it to me. He says he has a right to his own privacy and i am not getting his phone. I eventually got into it. He admitted that he was looking on backpage and calling escorts just to talk before i went on his phone and saw it for myself. I just dont know what to do anymore. He told me its because he was drunk and wanted to talk to anyone and he didnt want to call the girls from his past so he called escorts just to talk. You know its one thing to look and it sucks to even think of him looking at the gir ls in our area and clicking on their page but the fact that he acted and called and talked to the ones he wanted to be with... That is just so hard to deal with.
I keep saying to myself At least he didnt sleep with them. But i am really sad. I feel like i cant sleep anymore because he will go and call a girl. I feel so insecure. I dont even want to go out and drink with him. I hate mysef for not being a party animal. I dont know if i am just over reacting but i just picture him talking to the girls and jerking off and its just so disgusting. I feel hurt.
What do i do next i hope someone can help me because i am lost.
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