I know it has been awhile since I posted anything to update status.
We spent 4th of July and following weekend together. Thought we were doing great. I made a comment about seeing lots of jobs on Craigslist since he had told me awhile ago that it was just so crazy to go through all the jobs there and it was really hard to apply to them. He told me to quit sending them to him because he already gets a ton of postings from other sites with no response to resumes he submits. I didn't continue the conversation in that vein and walked away.
When I got back to work this last Tuesday, I thought I would check to see what his resume looks like when he sends it out. I thought maybe somehow it was corrupted and people were not able to see his info so I got into his email and forwarded one of his replies to myself to see what happens when I open his resume.
What I found instead was him looking for sex through Craigslist. He was actively replying to ads with pictures of himself. There was no maybe misunderstanding and inferences. It was straight up replying that he is "ddf and VAS safe" and specifically stating what he wanted to do to them and to have done to him.
I am so hurt. He doesn't like me this heavy but he was actively pursuing females that posted pics of themselves heavier than I am. I would be happy to give him sex if he would just put his teeth in! I miss him physically just as much as I miss him emotionally.
Now I wonder if he has cheated before because in a conversation a long time ago, he mentioned have sex with me outdoors and said that everytime he passes that spot he smiles because of the memories. It is not often that we have sex outside of the bedroom because his parents (now only him mom because his dad passed) have lived with us for the past 12 years so I really remember the "unusual" sex spots. Point is: I don't remember that time and don't think it was with me! I thought maybe it was my memory but now I really wonder has he been faithful during the past 12 years?
Has our marriage/relationship been a lie for the past 20 years. Am I just a convenience because he doesn't want to deal with all of this.
If I confront him about this now, I think he will tell me what he thinks I want to hear and not the truth. He knows my thoughts on cheating-it means you don't want to be married to me and you don't love me. I know he wants sex and am sure he will say that I made him do this because I don't want sex unless he has his teeth in. He hates to wear his teeth because they won't stay in and they are very uncomfortable but he doesn't want to go to the dentist and get his final teeth. He says I don't know what I am talking about because I don't have dentures.
He is my third marriage and I cheated on the first two when the marriage was over. He is the man I cheated on with my second husband. I feel this insanely intense draw physically and emotionally to him and feel very strongly that he is my soul mate and the love of my life. I still love him but now when I see his picture or something he has posted on FB, I feel this intense stabbing in my heart.
I don't want to do anything until I can calm down and can look at it clearly but don't see that coming any time soon. I want to just say FU and leave but I still love him and want to be married but then I see his picture or posts and I just hurt all over again.
I did make an appointment to speak to an attorney on Monday for options. SO CONFUSED AND HURT!:crying:>:)
We spent 4th of July and following weekend together. Thought we were doing great. I made a comment about seeing lots of jobs on Craigslist since he had told me awhile ago that it was just so crazy to go through all the jobs there and it was really hard to apply to them. He told me to quit sending them to him because he already gets a ton of postings from other sites with no response to resumes he submits. I didn't continue the conversation in that vein and walked away.
When I got back to work this last Tuesday, I thought I would check to see what his resume looks like when he sends it out. I thought maybe somehow it was corrupted and people were not able to see his info so I got into his email and forwarded one of his replies to myself to see what happens when I open his resume.
What I found instead was him looking for sex through Craigslist. He was actively replying to ads with pictures of himself. There was no maybe misunderstanding and inferences. It was straight up replying that he is "ddf and VAS safe" and specifically stating what he wanted to do to them and to have done to him.
I am so hurt. He doesn't like me this heavy but he was actively pursuing females that posted pics of themselves heavier than I am. I would be happy to give him sex if he would just put his teeth in! I miss him physically just as much as I miss him emotionally.
Now I wonder if he has cheated before because in a conversation a long time ago, he mentioned have sex with me outdoors and said that everytime he passes that spot he smiles because of the memories. It is not often that we have sex outside of the bedroom because his parents (now only him mom because his dad passed) have lived with us for the past 12 years so I really remember the "unusual" sex spots. Point is: I don't remember that time and don't think it was with me! I thought maybe it was my memory but now I really wonder has he been faithful during the past 12 years?
Has our marriage/relationship been a lie for the past 20 years. Am I just a convenience because he doesn't want to deal with all of this.
If I confront him about this now, I think he will tell me what he thinks I want to hear and not the truth. He knows my thoughts on cheating-it means you don't want to be married to me and you don't love me. I know he wants sex and am sure he will say that I made him do this because I don't want sex unless he has his teeth in. He hates to wear his teeth because they won't stay in and they are very uncomfortable but he doesn't want to go to the dentist and get his final teeth. He says I don't know what I am talking about because I don't have dentures.
He is my third marriage and I cheated on the first two when the marriage was over. He is the man I cheated on with my second husband. I feel this insanely intense draw physically and emotionally to him and feel very strongly that he is my soul mate and the love of my life. I still love him but now when I see his picture or something he has posted on FB, I feel this intense stabbing in my heart.
I don't want to do anything until I can calm down and can look at it clearly but don't see that coming any time soon. I want to just say FU and leave but I still love him and want to be married but then I see his picture or posts and I just hurt all over again.
I did make an appointment to speak to an attorney on Monday for options. SO CONFUSED AND HURT!:crying:>:)
Put the internet to work for you.
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