May be long, but simple. We have been married 15 years, have 3 children and very busy lives. My oldest is 14 and twins that are 13. We have had a pretty normal and happy relationship over the years, though about a year ago it started to get rocky. She blamed me for showing a lack of interest in her because I did not do the little things for her anymore. By little things, she said like give her flowers randomly at work, or a special occasion card for the heck of it. I am guilty of this, however, I have never been one to do that, so it isn't like things changed. It seemed as though she was seeing her friends relationships and felt ours was missing something.
I recently discovered my wife had an affair with a supposed friend. My daughter caught her texting this guy during a car ride, but she didn't call her out then and there. That night my daughter hacked her phone and sent screenshots of texts to an account that she was able to show me the next morning, while my wife was away at "work."
The messages were about their meeting the next morning, which made it the day my daughter told me. I called my wife and asked her to hurry home. I confronted her, and at first she denied it, not knowing what I knew and what evidence.
I asked my parents for advice, where they told me to not overreact and take time to decide what to do. I decided to have a conversation with her, and she told me about the affair. It had been going on for 7 months.
She showed remorse, but I am not that best at reading those feelings. She had a meeting with my parents, then later that night we all met to discuss it. My wife shared some pretty straight forward details, and believe it or not, that seemed to help.
The following week had us setting plans for separation, I was in shock and pain, she acted as though she was ashamed. She deleted her social media accounts, she called the OM and cut off all communication with him.
We had a vacation the week following that was already paid for, and with her entire family. We chose to go through with the plans, as we have not informed anyone of what happened. I try to take time to make decisions, and I am a private person, choosing to not share my story with close people. I decided that I do not care for many people to know yet, including this guys wife. That's really complicated, but he is her 4th marriage and she is not stranger to cheating on her previous husbands. The truth is that I think she will make my life more difficult financially, at a time that I feel I do not deserve more craziness in my life. I need to recover from this nightmare without having to worry about her reactions.
Before my wife and I left for the beach we had a discussion. I was not mad at her or him, but I couldn't understand why. He has a history of this kind of behavior, having told me of some of his escapades with married women. That was when he was single though, and he is a caring person. May be he is a good actor, but we have been "friends" for about 6 years.
My wife explained that she was being childish with her actions, and that she was at fault. She took the blame without shifting it, and she didn't blame the OM either. She said that one of her friends had an affair with the OM a couple years before, and that friend would share details of how he made her happy unlike anything before. That friend also was cheated on by her husband and they are working it out themselves, her infidelity never came out.
My wife and I have been on several double dates and have taken vacations with them and other couples over the past few years. The latest one was about 4 months ago, and it was just us and them this time.
My wife said that her and the OM started slowly, with a text from him asking how her day was, and so the conversations started. They started to text more frequently, to the point they were talking and texting daily. She said that 7 months ago that he asked if she wanted to meet up. She said she was scared, excited and in disbelief, but she agreed to meet him. She even set up the location, which was a hotel in a neighboring city. She said he made her feel good, because he would hold her and comfort her. I am not so good at that, but never have been either.
This went on for 7 months, she said they met about once a month, though one month they met twice and another month they couldn't meet due to his health issues. He has diabetes and sometimes becomes hospitalized. He was born with it, or at least had it from a very early age.
I have decided to give her another chance. We are selling our house and moving to our previous home that we have been renting out. It's much smaller and more affordable. I figure that we can reset our lives by reducing bills so that I can focus on things other than finances and outside influences. We are not in debt a great deal, but we do spend almost everything we make.
If it doesn't work out, I would like to have our lives streamlined as to not let materials and life circumstances fog my decision making. We have had a strong bond since the vacation with her family. We do not argue, we spend a lot of time together.
She told me that she thought she was in love with him. She said her mind was completely confused. The morning that I found out she said she told him she wanted to end it. She has not been in communication with anyone outside of family, which is a huge adjustment for her because she has so many friends and she is a social butterfly.
She explained that while she thought she loved him, he would not commit. After her talk with him to have NC, she said he reaction made her realize that she was stupid. His concern was for his son only. He didn't seem to care about what she was going through or how I felt. Not sure why she cared how I felt, because she was able to betray me in the first place.
She says that now she understands what she was giving up and that I am not who she had become to think I am due to the confused state she was in.
The question I have for the community is am I handling this in a reasonable manner? What could/should I do differently? Is it okay that I chose not to share this with everyone? Do marriages like this have a good chance of being saved?
Thank you for reading!
I recently discovered my wife had an affair with a supposed friend. My daughter caught her texting this guy during a car ride, but she didn't call her out then and there. That night my daughter hacked her phone and sent screenshots of texts to an account that she was able to show me the next morning, while my wife was away at "work."
The messages were about their meeting the next morning, which made it the day my daughter told me. I called my wife and asked her to hurry home. I confronted her, and at first she denied it, not knowing what I knew and what evidence.
I asked my parents for advice, where they told me to not overreact and take time to decide what to do. I decided to have a conversation with her, and she told me about the affair. It had been going on for 7 months.
She showed remorse, but I am not that best at reading those feelings. She had a meeting with my parents, then later that night we all met to discuss it. My wife shared some pretty straight forward details, and believe it or not, that seemed to help.
The following week had us setting plans for separation, I was in shock and pain, she acted as though she was ashamed. She deleted her social media accounts, she called the OM and cut off all communication with him.
We had a vacation the week following that was already paid for, and with her entire family. We chose to go through with the plans, as we have not informed anyone of what happened. I try to take time to make decisions, and I am a private person, choosing to not share my story with close people. I decided that I do not care for many people to know yet, including this guys wife. That's really complicated, but he is her 4th marriage and she is not stranger to cheating on her previous husbands. The truth is that I think she will make my life more difficult financially, at a time that I feel I do not deserve more craziness in my life. I need to recover from this nightmare without having to worry about her reactions.
Before my wife and I left for the beach we had a discussion. I was not mad at her or him, but I couldn't understand why. He has a history of this kind of behavior, having told me of some of his escapades with married women. That was when he was single though, and he is a caring person. May be he is a good actor, but we have been "friends" for about 6 years.
My wife explained that she was being childish with her actions, and that she was at fault. She took the blame without shifting it, and she didn't blame the OM either. She said that one of her friends had an affair with the OM a couple years before, and that friend would share details of how he made her happy unlike anything before. That friend also was cheated on by her husband and they are working it out themselves, her infidelity never came out.
My wife and I have been on several double dates and have taken vacations with them and other couples over the past few years. The latest one was about 4 months ago, and it was just us and them this time.
My wife said that her and the OM started slowly, with a text from him asking how her day was, and so the conversations started. They started to text more frequently, to the point they were talking and texting daily. She said that 7 months ago that he asked if she wanted to meet up. She said she was scared, excited and in disbelief, but she agreed to meet him. She even set up the location, which was a hotel in a neighboring city. She said he made her feel good, because he would hold her and comfort her. I am not so good at that, but never have been either.
This went on for 7 months, she said they met about once a month, though one month they met twice and another month they couldn't meet due to his health issues. He has diabetes and sometimes becomes hospitalized. He was born with it, or at least had it from a very early age.
I have decided to give her another chance. We are selling our house and moving to our previous home that we have been renting out. It's much smaller and more affordable. I figure that we can reset our lives by reducing bills so that I can focus on things other than finances and outside influences. We are not in debt a great deal, but we do spend almost everything we make.
If it doesn't work out, I would like to have our lives streamlined as to not let materials and life circumstances fog my decision making. We have had a strong bond since the vacation with her family. We do not argue, we spend a lot of time together.
She told me that she thought she was in love with him. She said her mind was completely confused. The morning that I found out she said she told him she wanted to end it. She has not been in communication with anyone outside of family, which is a huge adjustment for her because she has so many friends and she is a social butterfly.
She explained that while she thought she loved him, he would not commit. After her talk with him to have NC, she said he reaction made her realize that she was stupid. His concern was for his son only. He didn't seem to care about what she was going through or how I felt. Not sure why she cared how I felt, because she was able to betray me in the first place.
She says that now she understands what she was giving up and that I am not who she had become to think I am due to the confused state she was in.
The question I have for the community is am I handling this in a reasonable manner? What could/should I do differently? Is it okay that I chose not to share this with everyone? Do marriages like this have a good chance of being saved?
Thank you for reading!
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