My wife has developed this new habit lately, to compare me with other men, typically husbands of her friends who are now our friends. She's been doing this for about a year because she has figured that it bugs me a lot and no one likes to be compared unfavorably.
Her trick is to compare one attribute of another guy and say how he does that well and I don't. Then some days later, she picks another attribute of a DIFFERENT guy and says how I don't measure up. She never has one shining example for me to aspire to be, it is always bits and pieces from different guys. So this one perfect male does not exist so she has cleverly constructed one in her imagination.
What she leaves out is the reason why the person displays the attribute. And because of having that attribute, how the person does something else really badly.
Examples:
Wife: Hussain is so relaxed... he is never stressed like you are. He is so calm.
Reality: Hussain has family wealth. He works when he feels like in contract jobs. He doesn't care about medical insurance or anything mundane. His wife comes from a super rich family too. He "works" from home so has no commute, so has all the time to play tennis and other things with his kids.
Wife: Look at Kumar. He gives his wife so much "importance". He is always running after her.
Reality: Kumar is a beta wimp. His wife wears the pants in the house and she probably hates his nature.
Wife: Look at Vivek. He was out at Costco shopping with the kids.
Reality: He goes to Costco to get some "me time" away from the nagging wife. He told me this himself. My wife and I have seen him at Costco ONCE, and his wife gloats that he does it every week so my wife uses this to club me with.
Wife: Look at Raju. He bought his wife a nice expensive car, and watches and LV handbags. He loves her so much.
Reality: Raju doesn't have a great salary, they are single income and he has poured all his money in the stock market (and lost a lot) and has bought expensive cars and bags and branded clothes to keep up appearances. He is still in his townhouse with a bad school district when everyone our age has upgraded. His townhouse mortgage was underwater 2 years ago after 10 years of mortgage payments. May not have saved for retirement/kids college.
So the point is, there is not one single guy that my wife wants me to be like. She has constructed this wonderful husband/dad/partner in her mind who probably has 50 hours in a day while mere mortals like myself have only 24.
Some of you probably face this too. How do you deal with it?
1. Ignore it completely
2. Tell her to go live with any one of these awesome guys (obvious she won't as she is trying to make you jealous/guilty)
3. Prove to her that she is wrong.
4. Compare her with other ladies to get her jealous
I have tried them at various times, but she still persists as she thinks she has a weapon to prod me. It never really works because the way to make me do things is to come love me and ask me as a woman asks. Not bully or threaten me, because then I give her an internal finger.
Her trick is to compare one attribute of another guy and say how he does that well and I don't. Then some days later, she picks another attribute of a DIFFERENT guy and says how I don't measure up. She never has one shining example for me to aspire to be, it is always bits and pieces from different guys. So this one perfect male does not exist so she has cleverly constructed one in her imagination.
What she leaves out is the reason why the person displays the attribute. And because of having that attribute, how the person does something else really badly.
Examples:
Wife: Hussain is so relaxed... he is never stressed like you are. He is so calm.
Reality: Hussain has family wealth. He works when he feels like in contract jobs. He doesn't care about medical insurance or anything mundane. His wife comes from a super rich family too. He "works" from home so has no commute, so has all the time to play tennis and other things with his kids.
Wife: Look at Kumar. He gives his wife so much "importance". He is always running after her.
Reality: Kumar is a beta wimp. His wife wears the pants in the house and she probably hates his nature.
Wife: Look at Vivek. He was out at Costco shopping with the kids.
Reality: He goes to Costco to get some "me time" away from the nagging wife. He told me this himself. My wife and I have seen him at Costco ONCE, and his wife gloats that he does it every week so my wife uses this to club me with.
Wife: Look at Raju. He bought his wife a nice expensive car, and watches and LV handbags. He loves her so much.
Reality: Raju doesn't have a great salary, they are single income and he has poured all his money in the stock market (and lost a lot) and has bought expensive cars and bags and branded clothes to keep up appearances. He is still in his townhouse with a bad school district when everyone our age has upgraded. His townhouse mortgage was underwater 2 years ago after 10 years of mortgage payments. May not have saved for retirement/kids college.
So the point is, there is not one single guy that my wife wants me to be like. She has constructed this wonderful husband/dad/partner in her mind who probably has 50 hours in a day while mere mortals like myself have only 24.
Some of you probably face this too. How do you deal with it?
1. Ignore it completely
2. Tell her to go live with any one of these awesome guys (obvious she won't as she is trying to make you jealous/guilty)
3. Prove to her that she is wrong.
4. Compare her with other ladies to get her jealous
I have tried them at various times, but she still persists as she thinks she has a weapon to prod me. It never really works because the way to make me do things is to come love me and ask me as a woman asks. Not bully or threaten me, because then I give her an internal finger.
Put the internet to work for you.
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