All,
My wife of 2.5 years, dated 2 years before, just decided to leave me 3 weeks ago (after months of planning). We have a 2 year-old that we both love very much. I'm 36, she's 25. We met in college.
To make things brief, here are the reasons why she left me:
1. I'm a workaholic
2. I've neglected her needs (we've made love to each other maybe 2 to 3 times in the past 2 years) Yes, I know, I'm asking my therapist about this.
3. I've downloaded porn a few times, and she got upset when she found out. I think I may have an addiction problem.
4. We've had terrible arguments where we've both threaten each other to file for divorce (at least I've threatened, she obviously wasn't just threatening).
5. She thinks I'm capable of abusing her and that I'm a danger to her physical and emotional well-being. I've never physically abused her, but I've told her she's stupid and called her an idiot a few times. I've been known to throw and kick things when I am angry/frustrated.
What I've done since she's left me:
1. seek help from a therapist that her therapist recommended for me. Been to three sessions already. I have money issues, intimacy issues, and I have a short temper.
2. read "divorce remedies," 5 languages of Love, and scoured this board. I'm working on myself and is doing an 180 for my own sake
3. been nothing but nice to her since, but i've done my share of negotiating, convincing, but is currently giving her the space she needs.
4. transferred $20K to her bank account to make sure she's okay financially
5. been great to our son
What I'm seeing now:
1. I'm 99.9% expecting to see the divorce papers come through, although she said she doesn't have time to file yet. I asked her nicely to let me know when she files so I'm not caught by surprise
2. She's not willing to try, since she's refused to see a MC. We are both in IC now.
3. anytime I do something nice and considerate, she gets really upset, or she thinks i'm plotting something.
4. She keeps telling me to work on myself, and stop begging (which I don't think I was).
5. I told her I wasn't a great husband (due to issues above), so I will do the right thing for once and support her decision to divorce. My therapist told me to stop shouldering so much of the blame, but I do feel like I am at fault and regretful.
6. Her mother and I are good friends and in constant communication. she wants us to work out.
7. I told my wife that I took down anything relating to "us" on my Facebook page because it'll help me heal and move quicker to her wish to divorce. She did the same thing the next day on her Facebook page.
8. I don't think there is an OM
9. I believe she has a couple of close friends and her thrapist coaching her and encouraging her to separate and divorce.
What I need your opinions on:
1. do you think my issues are overcome-able with proper therapy?
2. Is it okay i feel anger and resentment? I'm trying to do the right thing
3. why hasn't she filed? She says she's too busy. She's already had a consultation with a lawyer. I already told her I'd support her decision, why is she so upset when I'm nice to her now?
4. she's got in her mind i'm a monster who's is a threat to her life. I don't think I can overcome this
5. Any recommendations given my situation?
Thank you for your help.
My wife of 2.5 years, dated 2 years before, just decided to leave me 3 weeks ago (after months of planning). We have a 2 year-old that we both love very much. I'm 36, she's 25. We met in college.
To make things brief, here are the reasons why she left me:
1. I'm a workaholic
2. I've neglected her needs (we've made love to each other maybe 2 to 3 times in the past 2 years) Yes, I know, I'm asking my therapist about this.
3. I've downloaded porn a few times, and she got upset when she found out. I think I may have an addiction problem.
4. We've had terrible arguments where we've both threaten each other to file for divorce (at least I've threatened, she obviously wasn't just threatening).
5. She thinks I'm capable of abusing her and that I'm a danger to her physical and emotional well-being. I've never physically abused her, but I've told her she's stupid and called her an idiot a few times. I've been known to throw and kick things when I am angry/frustrated.
What I've done since she's left me:
1. seek help from a therapist that her therapist recommended for me. Been to three sessions already. I have money issues, intimacy issues, and I have a short temper.
2. read "divorce remedies," 5 languages of Love, and scoured this board. I'm working on myself and is doing an 180 for my own sake
3. been nothing but nice to her since, but i've done my share of negotiating, convincing, but is currently giving her the space she needs.
4. transferred $20K to her bank account to make sure she's okay financially
5. been great to our son
What I'm seeing now:
1. I'm 99.9% expecting to see the divorce papers come through, although she said she doesn't have time to file yet. I asked her nicely to let me know when she files so I'm not caught by surprise
2. She's not willing to try, since she's refused to see a MC. We are both in IC now.
3. anytime I do something nice and considerate, she gets really upset, or she thinks i'm plotting something.
4. She keeps telling me to work on myself, and stop begging (which I don't think I was).
5. I told her I wasn't a great husband (due to issues above), so I will do the right thing for once and support her decision to divorce. My therapist told me to stop shouldering so much of the blame, but I do feel like I am at fault and regretful.
6. Her mother and I are good friends and in constant communication. she wants us to work out.
7. I told my wife that I took down anything relating to "us" on my Facebook page because it'll help me heal and move quicker to her wish to divorce. She did the same thing the next day on her Facebook page.
8. I don't think there is an OM
9. I believe she has a couple of close friends and her thrapist coaching her and encouraging her to separate and divorce.
What I need your opinions on:
1. do you think my issues are overcome-able with proper therapy?
2. Is it okay i feel anger and resentment? I'm trying to do the right thing
3. why hasn't she filed? She says she's too busy. She's already had a consultation with a lawyer. I already told her I'd support her decision, why is she so upset when I'm nice to her now?
4. she's got in her mind i'm a monster who's is a threat to her life. I don't think I can overcome this
5. Any recommendations given my situation?
Thank you for your help.
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