It took a long time to get to this point. Nearly 23 years married and the last 12 have been rough. Members here have mocked me for not taking the step toward divorce, but I am not one who is going to just jump into a life changing decision like divorce.
Last Monday evening was when the last straw dropped. The discussion started over a recurring theme in our relationship, which is my feeling that my wife refuses to honor or respect me. Her reasoning is that she can not honor a man that she feels is wrong and that she does not agree with. That attitude has manifested itself in the way she treats me when our teen son initiates conflict -- she instantly makes me the bad guy. Monday evening, after he lost a big tennis match, I called out to him with a "Tough one" and he responded through clenched teeth with "F you, Dad". My wife instantly jumped up and started yelling at me "STAY AWAY FROM HIM, STAY AWAY FROM HIM". I looked at them both and said quietly, as I walked away, "Why do either of you think what you did is necessary?".
During the discussion that followed when we got home (our son was not there), she asked me to tell her if I had made a decision about our relationship, something she asked me a year ago after I was fired from my job of nearly 25 years. I told her that I am still not ready to talk about it, that last year was not only a selfish thing for her to ask of me hours after I had been fired but that I wanted to know why she had to ask me, could not tell me what she had decided, expected me to make the decision for her. But she said she wanted to know, so I told her that I am struggling with asking her for a divorce.
I really did not want to say that. Why? There are a lot of reasons. We are both Christians and that creates a dilemma because divorce goes against what we believe as Christians. We have two children under 20. I do not want to feel like I am abandoning my responsibility to them. And there is the notion that divorce is giving up. I am not one to do that easily.
Bringing up the D word is a serious thing. Frankly, I want to be divorced. Something my wife said Monday night is very true -- I want a relationship. She admitted that she can not give me what I want. It is not about sex, something she has not given me either for nearly twelve years, although I do want someone who wants my affection again. I also want to be honored, respected, something that I know full well that I deserve from my wife. She has absolutely no reason.
I'm not perfect. I gave up a while ago and I have reacted to her, have not treated her with respect at times either. But that took until I had given up, which coincides with the first time she told me that she does not love or respect me.
So Thursday I contacted a Wevorce lawyer for a consultation. My appointment is this Tuesday afternoon. It does not mean I am going to go through with it, but it is the next step. Wevorce encourages mediation, which means they will not do anything without the both of us present. This is a step in a direction I have wanted to go, though, a step I took after standing at the top and looking down for a long, long time.....
Last Monday evening was when the last straw dropped. The discussion started over a recurring theme in our relationship, which is my feeling that my wife refuses to honor or respect me. Her reasoning is that she can not honor a man that she feels is wrong and that she does not agree with. That attitude has manifested itself in the way she treats me when our teen son initiates conflict -- she instantly makes me the bad guy. Monday evening, after he lost a big tennis match, I called out to him with a "Tough one" and he responded through clenched teeth with "F you, Dad". My wife instantly jumped up and started yelling at me "STAY AWAY FROM HIM, STAY AWAY FROM HIM". I looked at them both and said quietly, as I walked away, "Why do either of you think what you did is necessary?".
During the discussion that followed when we got home (our son was not there), she asked me to tell her if I had made a decision about our relationship, something she asked me a year ago after I was fired from my job of nearly 25 years. I told her that I am still not ready to talk about it, that last year was not only a selfish thing for her to ask of me hours after I had been fired but that I wanted to know why she had to ask me, could not tell me what she had decided, expected me to make the decision for her. But she said she wanted to know, so I told her that I am struggling with asking her for a divorce.
I really did not want to say that. Why? There are a lot of reasons. We are both Christians and that creates a dilemma because divorce goes against what we believe as Christians. We have two children under 20. I do not want to feel like I am abandoning my responsibility to them. And there is the notion that divorce is giving up. I am not one to do that easily.
Bringing up the D word is a serious thing. Frankly, I want to be divorced. Something my wife said Monday night is very true -- I want a relationship. She admitted that she can not give me what I want. It is not about sex, something she has not given me either for nearly twelve years, although I do want someone who wants my affection again. I also want to be honored, respected, something that I know full well that I deserve from my wife. She has absolutely no reason.
I'm not perfect. I gave up a while ago and I have reacted to her, have not treated her with respect at times either. But that took until I had given up, which coincides with the first time she told me that she does not love or respect me.
So Thursday I contacted a Wevorce lawyer for a consultation. My appointment is this Tuesday afternoon. It does not mean I am going to go through with it, but it is the next step. Wevorce encourages mediation, which means they will not do anything without the both of us present. This is a step in a direction I have wanted to go, though, a step I took after standing at the top and looking down for a long, long time.....
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