Hi folks, another thread led me to post this one. It was about a man feeling overwhelmed by his wife feeling hurt about his noticing other women.
I wanted to share my story to maybe get some insights on what I did wrong handling my own situation.
My husband and I have had a lot of issues because of this topic. Now he doesn't comment on women anymore but he used to with his friends in front of me!! Sometimes I think men just need to learn boundaries we women set them and grow more mature and respectful with time. He used to say stuff like, "wow its a coc.kfes.t here tonight, you should go upstairs Bob (his friend)." When I thought about it and asked him why he said that to his friend in front of me later on he said he was just trying to help his friend who is single?? His friends have noticed women and commented on their body parts to him when I was nearby. They just don't see it as being offensive as they are single and it is not meant to be disrespectful to me.
Another example, he once said in front of me, "oh man that chick she thinks she is real hot stuff" and said other jokes with his buddies about women in front of me when we went out drinking. I thought that was inappropriate. He doesn't do that anymore either. We had very different lines on what is appropriate and what not. He still thinks I am a little too insecure and jealous as he never would have even talked to let alone hooked up with any of the women he noticed or commented on with his friends. And he thought these comments were harmless.
Sometimes I feel bad for him as I am sure it is a hassle to have to deal with me and also his friends. They have no idea that I have a problem and continue talking about women in the gym as he has a few guys he works out with. He did tell his high school friends to stop sending him inappropriate comments and pictures of actresses for me via texts though.
However a little part of me does wonder if he doesn't talk about women in the gym when I am not there.
While I could ditch this relationship and be with someone who shares my bouderies I am not able to do this as I love my husband too much. Leaving someone over such a small thing is not mature and all this will fizzle out with maturity too when his friends also get married and are more mature. In the beginning we used to fight about it, now he just accepts that I feel bad about it so he has stopped, I accept that he is a man and will look but he has stopped talking for my sake. Thats where we are at right now.
However I can't help but think he feels resentful and it is not coming from a good place but from a place where he has to comply with my demands. Him making those initial comments a couple of times repeadtedly even after I said it hurt my feelings made me see him in a different way. I sometimes feel like HE THINKS my demands are a little unreasonable. He has stopped doing these things but after a lot of initial fighting and I still feel a little like he is burdened! I get jealous of women who say their husbands wanted them to feel more secure and listened to them without complaining.
I wanted to share my story to maybe get some insights on what I did wrong handling my own situation.
My husband and I have had a lot of issues because of this topic. Now he doesn't comment on women anymore but he used to with his friends in front of me!! Sometimes I think men just need to learn boundaries we women set them and grow more mature and respectful with time. He used to say stuff like, "wow its a coc.kfes.t here tonight, you should go upstairs Bob (his friend)." When I thought about it and asked him why he said that to his friend in front of me later on he said he was just trying to help his friend who is single?? His friends have noticed women and commented on their body parts to him when I was nearby. They just don't see it as being offensive as they are single and it is not meant to be disrespectful to me.
Another example, he once said in front of me, "oh man that chick she thinks she is real hot stuff" and said other jokes with his buddies about women in front of me when we went out drinking. I thought that was inappropriate. He doesn't do that anymore either. We had very different lines on what is appropriate and what not. He still thinks I am a little too insecure and jealous as he never would have even talked to let alone hooked up with any of the women he noticed or commented on with his friends. And he thought these comments were harmless.
Sometimes I feel bad for him as I am sure it is a hassle to have to deal with me and also his friends. They have no idea that I have a problem and continue talking about women in the gym as he has a few guys he works out with. He did tell his high school friends to stop sending him inappropriate comments and pictures of actresses for me via texts though.
However a little part of me does wonder if he doesn't talk about women in the gym when I am not there.
While I could ditch this relationship and be with someone who shares my bouderies I am not able to do this as I love my husband too much. Leaving someone over such a small thing is not mature and all this will fizzle out with maturity too when his friends also get married and are more mature. In the beginning we used to fight about it, now he just accepts that I feel bad about it so he has stopped, I accept that he is a man and will look but he has stopped talking for my sake. Thats where we are at right now.
However I can't help but think he feels resentful and it is not coming from a good place but from a place where he has to comply with my demands. Him making those initial comments a couple of times repeadtedly even after I said it hurt my feelings made me see him in a different way. I sometimes feel like HE THINKS my demands are a little unreasonable. He has stopped doing these things but after a lot of initial fighting and I still feel a little like he is burdened! I get jealous of women who say their husbands wanted them to feel more secure and listened to them without complaining.
Put the internet to work for you.
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