My husband of 8 years and I have recently separated (no kids, we're 48). Although there are many reasons, the main one would be his complete detachment from me. He is a LEO and completely compartmentalizes everyone in his life - his family, his friends and especially me. I've been trying to talk to him for years about what I'm missing: attention, affection, sex, just someone present in our marriage. He figures, with all he sees in his job, that because he's not hitting me, we're not screaming at each other, he's not off running around with other women, he's not out drinking with the boys every night, then he's being a good husband. He comes home, says nothing and sits on the couch. If he does talk, its to rant negatively about politics, the news, etc etc. Its been very draining.
To go along with all this he has a prescription drug problem that must have started early on in our relationship, progressed to the point of needing rehab and now is in a weird see-saw balance. Again, he figures if he can hold down a job, a marriage (up until now), and a home, he's doing ok. I've been detaching myself from him more than I even knew.
I recently engaged in an affair. It was brief, it was sexy, it was fun, I will admit. The whole time I was with him I did not think of my husband once. It took me out of a very dark place that I had ventured into in my mind - one of hopelessness. Now I see that there could be more to life - not with this guy - but with someone else, somewhere down the road.
Although the affair was certainly not the reason for the separation, it did force my hand to move out. I couldn't live with cheating. And I couldn't live with not even feeling guilty about the cheating. I did not tell my husband, although part of me wanted to - to make him really see how far he pushed me. I have never cheated on anyone, in the least, ever in my life. I could never understand infidelity.
So now here I am, living in a condo while my husband keeps the house (he makes twice as much as I do). In my state, you have to be separated a full year before you can file.
My H claims he has now hit rock bottom with me leaving and appears to be finally listening to my concerns. I've told him he needs to get some serious help to deal with his anxiety and depression (hence the self-medication). I need to see real action, not just words. He needs to get himself healthy before we can even start to consider marriage counselling.
I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. I've lost respect, I've been ignored for so long that I don't think I love him anymore.
Can you get that back?
To go along with all this he has a prescription drug problem that must have started early on in our relationship, progressed to the point of needing rehab and now is in a weird see-saw balance. Again, he figures if he can hold down a job, a marriage (up until now), and a home, he's doing ok. I've been detaching myself from him more than I even knew.
I recently engaged in an affair. It was brief, it was sexy, it was fun, I will admit. The whole time I was with him I did not think of my husband once. It took me out of a very dark place that I had ventured into in my mind - one of hopelessness. Now I see that there could be more to life - not with this guy - but with someone else, somewhere down the road.
Although the affair was certainly not the reason for the separation, it did force my hand to move out. I couldn't live with cheating. And I couldn't live with not even feeling guilty about the cheating. I did not tell my husband, although part of me wanted to - to make him really see how far he pushed me. I have never cheated on anyone, in the least, ever in my life. I could never understand infidelity.
So now here I am, living in a condo while my husband keeps the house (he makes twice as much as I do). In my state, you have to be separated a full year before you can file.
My H claims he has now hit rock bottom with me leaving and appears to be finally listening to my concerns. I've told him he needs to get some serious help to deal with his anxiety and depression (hence the self-medication). I need to see real action, not just words. He needs to get himself healthy before we can even start to consider marriage counselling.
I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. I've lost respect, I've been ignored for so long that I don't think I love him anymore.
Can you get that back?
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