Hello Everyone,
This will be rather long winded but I feel the complete background is needed for advice to be given.
We have been married now for 4 years, and together for 7 years. I am in my early 30s she is in her late 30s. About 3 years ago, we found ourselves in an emotionless area. I neglected her and was unavailable to her due to a gaming addiction. Looking back I wish I would have done things different, but the past is the past and I can't change that now. She went into depression. She started drinking a log, and taking pills to escape. She became emotionally unattached. I know this was my fault now.
During those times I didn't understand and was stupid. I talked to other females online, chatted on I'm or Facebook and skyped and talked about things I wouldn't talk to my wife about. Also, there were talks about sex and other random things that really just were inappropriate. Again, looking back I see where I was wrong, but at the time I was stupid and selfish. After about a month or less of talking to other females, I stopped. It felt wrong. And I buried it away, out of sight and out of mind.
Fast Forward to about 6 months ago. My wife lost her job, and we start to struggle financially. She becomes bored of sitting at home all the time and she thought I was cheating on her. She started going through my emails (even the old ones I forgot about and never used anymore) and found the things I did years ago. This caused so much drama, so many issues, and we almost got divorced over it. Sadly it still is the cause of our issues we have now.
After a lot of fighting and what not I finally told her that I couldn't change the past but she cannot get past it. It's all we fight about daily. I finally broke down and told her to go sleep with someone else so she could feel like we were even. In her eyes, she took what I did was cheating on her. I don't fully agree with it but it was a breach of our vows. We started fighting more and more often, I started getting more and more frantic and rage filled. She started getting very distant, cold, and very angry. This quickly progressed into her starting to physically attacking me. I didn't hit her back but I would grab her and pin her down to stop the fighting.
Eventually this got worse, and now after so much fighting, I finally snapped and I grabbed her one day and she bloodied my face, so once I saw blood I picked her up and flung her onto the bed. She said I hurt her and I fell to the floor in tears. She decided to take a few days and go stay with a friend. She would come home, and another fight would break out. This time it was her blaming me for this and that and how I've become a monster. Again, she started to strike me and again I would pin her to the wall until she stopped. At this point in time, we actually hurt each other. I actually put my hands around her neck. I cannot believe the things we have done now. Shed leave again for a few days. The days started getting longer and I wouldn't see her. Her whole personality changed. She wasn't herself.
Finally she came home, and she never acted right since. We fight, we argue, we are toxic to say the least. This past month has been especially difficult. She would stay gone for over a week at a time, she would drain my bank account, and I'd see charges from another state, etc. Now she tells me I smother her and she feels like she's drowning when she's with me. I barely see her. I barely speak to her because she ignores all calls and texts.
I know one night she came home and she said she had to run out and help her friend. I didn't stop her and let her go. She didn't come home, so that next morning I went to that friend's house, she was there so I came in and talked to her. She was mad that I came looking for her. Again, it's like she verbally attacks me. Her friend yells over and says to me, it's not her it's the drugs talking. Her friend outted her about her drug use. Meth is all I can say. It makes so much sense to me now. Looking back on how she's changed. She also admitted that she cheated on me with someone, because of what happened, because I told her to go sleep with someone else to make things even.
Now it's been a few weeks of me knowing the things she has done and it started off with me feeling guilty and ashamed of what I have done. I still am, but at this point in time, I am heart broken. I have a wife that I still love regardless of what she's done, right or wrong. I don't trust her at all. I know she's in there somewhere, or else I wouldn't waste my time by staying and trying to fight for us. I'm now I'm anger management and about to start seeing a therapist for my issues. I know she does love me or she wouldn't have put up with all the crap I've put her though. I know I love her, it doesn't feel like it but I do. I'd do anything for her.
I just need advice on how to handle the transition on how to trust and love her again. Will she trust and love me again?
This will be rather long winded but I feel the complete background is needed for advice to be given.
We have been married now for 4 years, and together for 7 years. I am in my early 30s she is in her late 30s. About 3 years ago, we found ourselves in an emotionless area. I neglected her and was unavailable to her due to a gaming addiction. Looking back I wish I would have done things different, but the past is the past and I can't change that now. She went into depression. She started drinking a log, and taking pills to escape. She became emotionally unattached. I know this was my fault now.
During those times I didn't understand and was stupid. I talked to other females online, chatted on I'm or Facebook and skyped and talked about things I wouldn't talk to my wife about. Also, there were talks about sex and other random things that really just were inappropriate. Again, looking back I see where I was wrong, but at the time I was stupid and selfish. After about a month or less of talking to other females, I stopped. It felt wrong. And I buried it away, out of sight and out of mind.
Fast Forward to about 6 months ago. My wife lost her job, and we start to struggle financially. She becomes bored of sitting at home all the time and she thought I was cheating on her. She started going through my emails (even the old ones I forgot about and never used anymore) and found the things I did years ago. This caused so much drama, so many issues, and we almost got divorced over it. Sadly it still is the cause of our issues we have now.
After a lot of fighting and what not I finally told her that I couldn't change the past but she cannot get past it. It's all we fight about daily. I finally broke down and told her to go sleep with someone else so she could feel like we were even. In her eyes, she took what I did was cheating on her. I don't fully agree with it but it was a breach of our vows. We started fighting more and more often, I started getting more and more frantic and rage filled. She started getting very distant, cold, and very angry. This quickly progressed into her starting to physically attacking me. I didn't hit her back but I would grab her and pin her down to stop the fighting.
Eventually this got worse, and now after so much fighting, I finally snapped and I grabbed her one day and she bloodied my face, so once I saw blood I picked her up and flung her onto the bed. She said I hurt her and I fell to the floor in tears. She decided to take a few days and go stay with a friend. She would come home, and another fight would break out. This time it was her blaming me for this and that and how I've become a monster. Again, she started to strike me and again I would pin her to the wall until she stopped. At this point in time, we actually hurt each other. I actually put my hands around her neck. I cannot believe the things we have done now. Shed leave again for a few days. The days started getting longer and I wouldn't see her. Her whole personality changed. She wasn't herself.
Finally she came home, and she never acted right since. We fight, we argue, we are toxic to say the least. This past month has been especially difficult. She would stay gone for over a week at a time, she would drain my bank account, and I'd see charges from another state, etc. Now she tells me I smother her and she feels like she's drowning when she's with me. I barely see her. I barely speak to her because she ignores all calls and texts.
I know one night she came home and she said she had to run out and help her friend. I didn't stop her and let her go. She didn't come home, so that next morning I went to that friend's house, she was there so I came in and talked to her. She was mad that I came looking for her. Again, it's like she verbally attacks me. Her friend yells over and says to me, it's not her it's the drugs talking. Her friend outted her about her drug use. Meth is all I can say. It makes so much sense to me now. Looking back on how she's changed. She also admitted that she cheated on me with someone, because of what happened, because I told her to go sleep with someone else to make things even.
Now it's been a few weeks of me knowing the things she has done and it started off with me feeling guilty and ashamed of what I have done. I still am, but at this point in time, I am heart broken. I have a wife that I still love regardless of what she's done, right or wrong. I don't trust her at all. I know she's in there somewhere, or else I wouldn't waste my time by staying and trying to fight for us. I'm now I'm anger management and about to start seeing a therapist for my issues. I know she does love me or she wouldn't have put up with all the crap I've put her though. I know I love her, it doesn't feel like it but I do. I'd do anything for her.
I just need advice on how to handle the transition on how to trust and love her again. Will she trust and love me again?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment