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I keep disappointing my wife by not taking charge of our marriage. Please Help!!!!

From time to time I struggle with taking lead of my marriage. In an unconscious way which is the worst. It makes me look like I don't care whenever it's not recognized. My wife is disappointed in me to the point that shes ready to separate. I have a hard time with worrying about petty things, beating myself up which results in lashing out at her. I haven't found a balance in life to diffuse certain things before they create a bigger problem. My faith isn't as strong as it should be. This is my first time reaching out to any forums for help. My wife does this to receive answers on things as well. Hopefully this can help me too.

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