My husband has a life long friend, whom I've always accepted and supported.
ABOUT THE FRIEND:
This friend is an alcoholic as well as a drug addict who enjoys his lifestyle and has no desire to change.
He impregnated an at-risk teenager, who was half his age- He abused this girl and she finally left him. She claims she had to leave her child behind for her and her child's safety. (She has no family and is living in a bad situation while she saves for a proper arrangement)
This friend consistently borrows money from us, never repays and eventually works it off by helping with projects around our farm or business.
He started a fight with teenagers in his hometown which resulted in him being stabbed in our family friendly business.
THE SITUATION:
Last spring this friend came to spend a night with his daughter. He abruptly left to "attend to an emergency at his apartment" , leaving his daughter behind. He didn't return until the following day, and gave us no word that he wouldn't return. (I didn't sleep, was worried about him and concerned that I had to lie to his daughter about his whereabouts) When he returned (11AM), my husband and I were already taking the kids for a walk to a nearby pond. He grabbed several cans of beer and joined in the walk, during which he pounded all of the beer- one after another. He disappeared to smoke weed to elevate his buzz.. Again, leaving his daughter in my care.
When we returned from our walk, the children began to play, my husband and I worked in our vegetable garden and the friend drank more until he passed out on our hammock. The children's play led them behind our home and out of our view. My husband went to ask the kids to play within our view.. I noticed he was taking longer than expected to corral the kids so I went to help. When I made my way to the back yard I found the friend's child alone, crying and covered in dirt and mud, including her eyes- the kids had decided to turn our container garden into body paint, using water from our coy pond. I hollered to the friend who was unresponsive, on the hammock and proceeded to grab my hose to clean his child. Her reaction to this was as you can expect, loud and the friend slept on.. My husband roused him and he awoke to his screaming, wet child. He stripped her naked and practically threw her in the car and left. The following he sent a text wanting to get to the bottom of why I ab used his daughter and disciplined her with the hose. It was the last straw for me.. Having actually been abused as a child, I was very hurt by his allegations. I responded saying he was out of line and his angry, profane texts continued to accumulate in my inbox. I called him to better communicate but all of my calls were unanswered. I made it clear that I didn't want to associate with this person any longer(I never really liked him) and that my husband should keep his friendship elsewhere.
Now almost a year later- my husband has a standing weekly get together with this friend, plays games on his phone with this friend and shares texts and phone calls in the open. I now feel disrespected by my husband and it's a creeping issue that I have communicated to him. I have told my husband that his continued friendship with someone who accused me of child abuse hurts my feelings and leaves me feeling slighted by my husband. To me this friend is not a friend but rather a free-loading waste of time.. I won't to say "You can't be friends" but I sure would have appreciated it if my husband would come to this conclusion on his own.
How do I navigate this? Am I being overly sensitive? WWYD?
ABOUT THE FRIEND:
This friend is an alcoholic as well as a drug addict who enjoys his lifestyle and has no desire to change.
He impregnated an at-risk teenager, who was half his age- He abused this girl and she finally left him. She claims she had to leave her child behind for her and her child's safety. (She has no family and is living in a bad situation while she saves for a proper arrangement)
This friend consistently borrows money from us, never repays and eventually works it off by helping with projects around our farm or business.
He started a fight with teenagers in his hometown which resulted in him being stabbed in our family friendly business.
THE SITUATION:
Last spring this friend came to spend a night with his daughter. He abruptly left to "attend to an emergency at his apartment" , leaving his daughter behind. He didn't return until the following day, and gave us no word that he wouldn't return. (I didn't sleep, was worried about him and concerned that I had to lie to his daughter about his whereabouts) When he returned (11AM), my husband and I were already taking the kids for a walk to a nearby pond. He grabbed several cans of beer and joined in the walk, during which he pounded all of the beer- one after another. He disappeared to smoke weed to elevate his buzz.. Again, leaving his daughter in my care.
When we returned from our walk, the children began to play, my husband and I worked in our vegetable garden and the friend drank more until he passed out on our hammock. The children's play led them behind our home and out of our view. My husband went to ask the kids to play within our view.. I noticed he was taking longer than expected to corral the kids so I went to help. When I made my way to the back yard I found the friend's child alone, crying and covered in dirt and mud, including her eyes- the kids had decided to turn our container garden into body paint, using water from our coy pond. I hollered to the friend who was unresponsive, on the hammock and proceeded to grab my hose to clean his child. Her reaction to this was as you can expect, loud and the friend slept on.. My husband roused him and he awoke to his screaming, wet child. He stripped her naked and practically threw her in the car and left. The following he sent a text wanting to get to the bottom of why I ab used his daughter and disciplined her with the hose. It was the last straw for me.. Having actually been abused as a child, I was very hurt by his allegations. I responded saying he was out of line and his angry, profane texts continued to accumulate in my inbox. I called him to better communicate but all of my calls were unanswered. I made it clear that I didn't want to associate with this person any longer(I never really liked him) and that my husband should keep his friendship elsewhere.
Now almost a year later- my husband has a standing weekly get together with this friend, plays games on his phone with this friend and shares texts and phone calls in the open. I now feel disrespected by my husband and it's a creeping issue that I have communicated to him. I have told my husband that his continued friendship with someone who accused me of child abuse hurts my feelings and leaves me feeling slighted by my husband. To me this friend is not a friend but rather a free-loading waste of time.. I won't to say "You can't be friends" but I sure would have appreciated it if my husband would come to this conclusion on his own.
How do I navigate this? Am I being overly sensitive? WWYD?
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