My husband and I met when we were just kids, hell, we're still in our mid/late twenties. We met at a very difficult time in my life. I was only 19, learning how to be an adult, and he was only 22, just starting to live his adult life, working and partying. We just focused on having a good time for the first few months... and then we decided to get serious. At first, he made it very clear that he didnt WANT anything serious, but some how, things changed, and we decided to move in together. we were only living together for 3 months when, to both of our surprise, I found out I was expecting... We were terrified, but I had always wanted to be a mother, so I basically told him I was keeping the baby, regardless of his fears...I know now, looking back, that this was really selfish, and I dont think he will ever forgive me for imposing such an epic responsibility on him... I still feel guilty every time he gets angry at our daughter...
Well, we stayed together, and made things work. We found happiness, and he seemed very supportive and present. We struggled financially, but still had eachother, and we focused on that to get through. We got married when our daughter was just about a year old, and I am just now starting to wonder if this was the wisest choice. We truly had the best of intentions... We have now been married for 3 years, and are doing better than ever financially, and independently, but there is this feeling I get... this feeling like we will never truly be happy or compatible, because we were never "meant to be." I am starting to think that we ended up together based on circumstance and ultimatum, rather than love and commitment. We are just so inherently different. He doesnt show emotion...and never has.Where as I'm very emotionally charged, and openly affection. I knew that going in to this, but I was so young, and naive, believing that this was just a short term relationship, so feelings would evolve in to more if it was meant to happen...well, it never happened. He tells me he loves me... I DO love him; Hes a wonderful father, provider, a very loyal man, who will stay with me even when hes unhappy...and I guess thats what scares me... feeling as though he is stuck, and thats why theres no emotion, passion... affection. We just, are, and co exist as partners and parents. It breaks my heart, feeling like my ultimate decision to become a parent held his heart hostage, and perhaps he is resentful... I just dont know. I am hoping to find some perspective from other married folks... I feel like I ruined his life... and maybe its the guilt thats eating away at our marriage...or maybe we're just truly not meant to be. Can people evolve out of eachother? Is it unfair for me to feel like he deserves better than me, and me as well, and in turn want to leave? Im at a loss.
Also, before anyone gets judgy, in the beginning, We both made the decision to have sex unprotected, knowing (subconsciously) that I could get pregnant. There was no lying or deceiving involved.
Well, we stayed together, and made things work. We found happiness, and he seemed very supportive and present. We struggled financially, but still had eachother, and we focused on that to get through. We got married when our daughter was just about a year old, and I am just now starting to wonder if this was the wisest choice. We truly had the best of intentions... We have now been married for 3 years, and are doing better than ever financially, and independently, but there is this feeling I get... this feeling like we will never truly be happy or compatible, because we were never "meant to be." I am starting to think that we ended up together based on circumstance and ultimatum, rather than love and commitment. We are just so inherently different. He doesnt show emotion...and never has.Where as I'm very emotionally charged, and openly affection. I knew that going in to this, but I was so young, and naive, believing that this was just a short term relationship, so feelings would evolve in to more if it was meant to happen...well, it never happened. He tells me he loves me... I DO love him; Hes a wonderful father, provider, a very loyal man, who will stay with me even when hes unhappy...and I guess thats what scares me... feeling as though he is stuck, and thats why theres no emotion, passion... affection. We just, are, and co exist as partners and parents. It breaks my heart, feeling like my ultimate decision to become a parent held his heart hostage, and perhaps he is resentful... I just dont know. I am hoping to find some perspective from other married folks... I feel like I ruined his life... and maybe its the guilt thats eating away at our marriage...or maybe we're just truly not meant to be. Can people evolve out of eachother? Is it unfair for me to feel like he deserves better than me, and me as well, and in turn want to leave? Im at a loss.
Also, before anyone gets judgy, in the beginning, We both made the decision to have sex unprotected, knowing (subconsciously) that I could get pregnant. There was no lying or deceiving involved.
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