Hi this is my 2nd thread...I deleted 1st...a quick storyline...together 13yrs married 4, son approx 1.5yrs. Were about 30 yrs old together since h.s. in early Aug I got the ILYBINILWY speech...n that were changing as people...Red flag in my book. She also has had other red flags weight loss phone secrecy, etc. It seemed okafter the talk however, I was suspecting a EA.
In late Oct she told me that we were done....Same type of story. We've changed as people. I'm not "in love" etc. Upon checking phone records I noticed that right before both talks she texts a gentleman from her work for a extremely long time. 6hrs, 7.5hrs. Anyways, after a week of space based on the 180 routine. She reconciled with me. (There was no move out or anything just mostly no emotion from her during the week period) also during that week she was a master phone guardian and was texting this guy from work daily...very limited in messages though (6-10/day) a week after the reconcile, she was telling me that her mom was sleeping over as she needed a,ride to work in the am. I smelled bulli**** and I caught her going out w/o her telling me. (I work nights) anyways the gentleman that she was texting picked her up n they went to another coworkers house to hang wit 1-3 other coworkers. I know this is true. when I came home from work at approx 4am she was sleeping on our couch (the date is now currently our wedding anniversary to add salt on the wound) I set flowers up and I went to kiss her n tell her happy anniversary before I went to sleep. She reeked of alcohol. I woke her up and I said happy anniversary n kissed her. She started kissing me very passionately n sloppy. I started rubbing her around n told her let's go in the bedroom before our son wakes up...she kept telling me no we can't but still kissing me the same I asked again n she said she cant right now. I asked why.she looked me dead in the eyes and told me that (verbatim), "NO, WE CAN'T RIGHT NOW....*MY NAME* WILL BE HOME FROM WORK SOON." then she gave me a kiss n closed her eyes again. At that point I knew it was a PA she was so drunk she mistook me for the OM. Also, 3 days before our second talk she was at a Halloween party with the coworkers n he was also there. I ended up getting mad n picked her up at almost 415 am from this party.
After she mentioned the we can't have sex cuz I'm coming home thing I installed a program on her cell that sends me all records of everything done on it. And the very next day she received a text from his that stated,
" Have fun at work! I hope youre not disappointed with me..i just feel morally terrible about the situation."
I'VE been trying to analyze that message for almost a month now. Keep in mind it was technically our anniversary. While she was out, I texted her happy anniversary at 12 and a anniversary cheesy photo around 1am. I also made a fb post as well. I think that my wife tried to advance on the OM but he turned her down due to my texts he was most likely reading. I poked at it talkin to wife but she's being stonewall Jackson.... Obviously. She doesn't know about me knowing about the phone records or the text I read. Like I stated earlier its been almost a month and there has been no-contact on the phone between them. Also, since the night I caught her out (anniversary am) her attitude towards me completely 180ed...always saying I love u etc, things she used to never do. I think that its because she's remorseful and she also feels rejected from the OM. From a home standpoint, its 10x better but, because of the information I know it feels fake.
Next Fri I know where the OM will be. I'm debating confronting him about it. Based on his text.. it seems like he may be more likely to crack. My problem is idk if I should just not do anything at this point as I strongly believe whatever it was it is over....or should I confront him n get the info. Im terrified that if I expose my wifes lie that well divorce n I'll lose my son. I'm debating staying unhappy to live a life with my son. If my wife would just come out n tell me the truth, I would push it aside n move on. The fact that she's trying to sweep it under the rug is the part leaving me angry upset n irritable on the inside.
At this point what am I suppose to do and what do u think in reguards to the text message he sent. Please help me.
As far as my opinion I believe that my wife was in a EA wit the coworker....they screwed around at the Halloween party n most likely had sex as well. He probably led her on which in turn caused her to tell me we were through. The second time they hung out (the night I caught her sneaking out) he refused her n probably told her he thought it was a one night stand. The rejection has caused her to 180 at me emotionally because she feels remorseful as well as rejected at the same time.
In late Oct she told me that we were done....Same type of story. We've changed as people. I'm not "in love" etc. Upon checking phone records I noticed that right before both talks she texts a gentleman from her work for a extremely long time. 6hrs, 7.5hrs. Anyways, after a week of space based on the 180 routine. She reconciled with me. (There was no move out or anything just mostly no emotion from her during the week period) also during that week she was a master phone guardian and was texting this guy from work daily...very limited in messages though (6-10/day) a week after the reconcile, she was telling me that her mom was sleeping over as she needed a,ride to work in the am. I smelled bulli**** and I caught her going out w/o her telling me. (I work nights) anyways the gentleman that she was texting picked her up n they went to another coworkers house to hang wit 1-3 other coworkers. I know this is true. when I came home from work at approx 4am she was sleeping on our couch (the date is now currently our wedding anniversary to add salt on the wound) I set flowers up and I went to kiss her n tell her happy anniversary before I went to sleep. She reeked of alcohol. I woke her up and I said happy anniversary n kissed her. She started kissing me very passionately n sloppy. I started rubbing her around n told her let's go in the bedroom before our son wakes up...she kept telling me no we can't but still kissing me the same I asked again n she said she cant right now. I asked why.she looked me dead in the eyes and told me that (verbatim), "NO, WE CAN'T RIGHT NOW....*MY NAME* WILL BE HOME FROM WORK SOON." then she gave me a kiss n closed her eyes again. At that point I knew it was a PA she was so drunk she mistook me for the OM. Also, 3 days before our second talk she was at a Halloween party with the coworkers n he was also there. I ended up getting mad n picked her up at almost 415 am from this party.
After she mentioned the we can't have sex cuz I'm coming home thing I installed a program on her cell that sends me all records of everything done on it. And the very next day she received a text from his that stated,
" Have fun at work! I hope youre not disappointed with me..i just feel morally terrible about the situation."
I'VE been trying to analyze that message for almost a month now. Keep in mind it was technically our anniversary. While she was out, I texted her happy anniversary at 12 and a anniversary cheesy photo around 1am. I also made a fb post as well. I think that my wife tried to advance on the OM but he turned her down due to my texts he was most likely reading. I poked at it talkin to wife but she's being stonewall Jackson.... Obviously. She doesn't know about me knowing about the phone records or the text I read. Like I stated earlier its been almost a month and there has been no-contact on the phone between them. Also, since the night I caught her out (anniversary am) her attitude towards me completely 180ed...always saying I love u etc, things she used to never do. I think that its because she's remorseful and she also feels rejected from the OM. From a home standpoint, its 10x better but, because of the information I know it feels fake.
Next Fri I know where the OM will be. I'm debating confronting him about it. Based on his text.. it seems like he may be more likely to crack. My problem is idk if I should just not do anything at this point as I strongly believe whatever it was it is over....or should I confront him n get the info. Im terrified that if I expose my wifes lie that well divorce n I'll lose my son. I'm debating staying unhappy to live a life with my son. If my wife would just come out n tell me the truth, I would push it aside n move on. The fact that she's trying to sweep it under the rug is the part leaving me angry upset n irritable on the inside.
At this point what am I suppose to do and what do u think in reguards to the text message he sent. Please help me.
As far as my opinion I believe that my wife was in a EA wit the coworker....they screwed around at the Halloween party n most likely had sex as well. He probably led her on which in turn caused her to tell me we were through. The second time they hung out (the night I caught her sneaking out) he refused her n probably told her he thought it was a one night stand. The rejection has caused her to 180 at me emotionally because she feels remorseful as well as rejected at the same time.
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