H and I have been married for 12 years and have 2 small children. I am a professional and he is a stay at home dad. He is a really good dad to our kids, runs errands, takes care of house/yard, is very handy. However he has a long history of rubbing people the wrong way/pissing them off. In the first 3 years of our marriage he was fired from 4 jobs, not bc he couldn't do the work, but bc he could never get along with his bosses. Despite these red flags, I stayed with him bc not only is he super helpful, but we like to spend time together and have the same interests (running, biking, skiing, etc). Also, after we had babies, he became a really good stay at home dad. However, he does not get along with the majority of my family, especially my dad. Both are at fault. My family thinks he's a liar bc he has exaggerated his past successes (or lack thereof). For example, we they first met him he said he was a real estate investor, bc he owned a studio ap t that he lived in (which is actually a home owner). H will at times overreact to situations. For example, last week he came back from a bike ride saying that he had to call the cops on a guy (walker) who got in front of him and tried to wreck him on his bike on the trail. H said he had the "evidence" on video. I said are you sure the man wasn't scared or confused and accidentally got in front of you? H got mad because I didn't believe him. I watched the video on his phone, which was H walking behind an older couple and yelling at them that he called the police and they were coming to get them. To me it looked like H was the crazy one, they were just trying to get away from him and get to their car! I got the police report which described H as excitable and highly agitated. The older couple said they were scared when he was following them and yelling at them and threatening them and just trying to get away from him. (The older man and his wife both had the same st ory). This is typical behavior for H, and it scares me the way he can twist reality into his own truth. I've seen it so many times that I don't believe him anymore. I've been in that exact situation before when a walker gets in front of me bc they can't hear me coming on my bike, I give them the benefit of the doubt, I don't call the cops, follow them, and yell at them!! The real issue that I just can't get over is a he said she said incident involving my husband and my sister in law (my brothers wife). SIL claiming my H tried to have sex with her by grabbing her boob, etc. H told me she grabbed his crotch and tried to hit on him. There are holes in both their stories....but she has never lied to me before, she has been part of our fam since she was 14. My fam believed my SIL and said they would never be around H again. A month later my dad came to our house (even though I told him multiple times not to bc H and I were fighting and in MC). Dad came anyway and asked f or forgiveness and peace in the fam. H blew up at him. fam and I are now estranged bc that was the last straw for them. H and I went to MC for months and he passed a lie detector test. I'm so confused! I think about divorce every single day, I feel so much resentment and anger toward him. I mourn the loss of my fam of origin. I've caught him in a couple lies within the past few months. I feel I'm detaching from H. We don't talk much anymore. If I talk about how much I miss my fam, he gets mad and tells me it's all my fault bc of the way I handled them throughout our relationship. So now we don't talk about it. I fantasize about divorce everyday. What's holding me back? A couple things. First is my two little ones, who I don't want put thru a divorce. Second is the financial ramifications, he would get 1/2 of everything plus I would have to pay him quite a bit of $ since he's been a stay at home dad for 7.5 years. Third is loneness. What if I'm miserable and lonely? What if the grass isn't greener? Yet, I barely talk to him unless I have too. Before the SIL incident we had a very healthy sex life, 2-3x/week. Now we go weeks without it bc the thought of sleeping with him makes me sick. I don't trust him, I feel betrayed and I resent him for the loss of my fam. How do you know when you're ready to divorce?
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