My husband and I have been married for almost five years and were together for a few years before that. It hasn't always been easy between us; he dumped me pretty early on for an old flame before we got back together.
Anyway, we recently moved a huge distance for him to start a grad program. He got an assistantship to help him cover the cost with several of his classmates and works in an office on campus.
For the entire first semester (he's one year in) he didn't really bring me to any of his events. I thought this was weird and started getting suspicious. I'd hear him mention women's names (that he went to school/worked with) and started getting jealous. He took me out to eat with one of them just to show me there was nothing going on between them and how harmless she was.
But actually, I've started to piece bits together from things he and other people have said.
Probably his best friend in this program is a gay guy. Though he's started inviting tons of his friends from school out with us to dinners, he *never* invites this guy, which is odd because of how much he talks about him and how close they are.
I overheard that when the program first began, my husband would make up any excuse to visit this friend at his office, as in asking questions he'd already gotten the answer to, etc. A co-worker apparently even told him because it was so obvious, "If you want to talk to him, you don't have to have a reason other than to talk to him."
And then I heard someone mention that my husband would constantly stare at his gay friend during classes, even when his friend wasn't talking. He allegedly did it so often that people in class would send signals to the gay friend to warn him that it was happening.
My husband is also not a very physical person. He hates people invading his space and he avoids hugs at all costs. But I've also learned that my husband will put his arm across the back of his gay friend's chair, or rest his feet on the rungs of his gay friend's chair.
The two of them roomed with each other on a trip for their program. The friend told someone that he woke up one morning and my husband was just staring at him from his bed. A co-worker of theirs has said that my husband will become physically aroused when his friend is in the office with him and try to cover it up.
What do you all think? Is this the typical behavior of a straight guy? I don't know whether this is a special case scenario, and everybody has someone they'd go gay for, or if my husband's bi-curious, or bisexual, or even gay.
My fear is that if he is one of those other things, he's deep in denial about it. If he is, I'd rather get it out on the table now than waste both of our lives for him to admit it. I don't believe they've slept together, because (a) I don't think he'd go far that, knowing him (b) it would require a certain amount of courage and authenticity to admit same-sex desire, and I don't think he's prepared for that either. However, I do worry he's having an emotional affair.
This is about ten months running now, and I think the "crush" period has long since gone. This is something more serious now.
Any thoughts or advice will be appreciated.
Anyway, we recently moved a huge distance for him to start a grad program. He got an assistantship to help him cover the cost with several of his classmates and works in an office on campus.
For the entire first semester (he's one year in) he didn't really bring me to any of his events. I thought this was weird and started getting suspicious. I'd hear him mention women's names (that he went to school/worked with) and started getting jealous. He took me out to eat with one of them just to show me there was nothing going on between them and how harmless she was.
But actually, I've started to piece bits together from things he and other people have said.
Probably his best friend in this program is a gay guy. Though he's started inviting tons of his friends from school out with us to dinners, he *never* invites this guy, which is odd because of how much he talks about him and how close they are.
I overheard that when the program first began, my husband would make up any excuse to visit this friend at his office, as in asking questions he'd already gotten the answer to, etc. A co-worker apparently even told him because it was so obvious, "If you want to talk to him, you don't have to have a reason other than to talk to him."
And then I heard someone mention that my husband would constantly stare at his gay friend during classes, even when his friend wasn't talking. He allegedly did it so often that people in class would send signals to the gay friend to warn him that it was happening.
My husband is also not a very physical person. He hates people invading his space and he avoids hugs at all costs. But I've also learned that my husband will put his arm across the back of his gay friend's chair, or rest his feet on the rungs of his gay friend's chair.
The two of them roomed with each other on a trip for their program. The friend told someone that he woke up one morning and my husband was just staring at him from his bed. A co-worker of theirs has said that my husband will become physically aroused when his friend is in the office with him and try to cover it up.
What do you all think? Is this the typical behavior of a straight guy? I don't know whether this is a special case scenario, and everybody has someone they'd go gay for, or if my husband's bi-curious, or bisexual, or even gay.
My fear is that if he is one of those other things, he's deep in denial about it. If he is, I'd rather get it out on the table now than waste both of our lives for him to admit it. I don't believe they've slept together, because (a) I don't think he'd go far that, knowing him (b) it would require a certain amount of courage and authenticity to admit same-sex desire, and I don't think he's prepared for that either. However, I do worry he's having an emotional affair.
This is about ten months running now, and I think the "crush" period has long since gone. This is something more serious now.
Any thoughts or advice will be appreciated.
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