It's been a bad week. Unfortunately.
Its been a while since I have triggered. It gets longer and longer in between, but this time I was three sheets to the wind and had NO filter left.
It started over the weekend and ended Tuesday night. I have a very specific pain trigger that comes from my past. And he hit it Saturday, then we tried to finish talking about it the Tuesday morning and he was talking all over me until I was in tears.
Our son had his first case of strep this week and the second day of him home sick, H doesn't call at all to check on us. Since it was a work affair, I was ticked and toast by the time he got home. He never had a chance. I picked up the drink originally because I was hurting in my entire body from us arguing that morning. He immediately started justifying and it just stoked my unfiltered anger. My choices and behavior went against EVERYTHING I believe.
The affair was brought up when he tried to tell me "I have never built resentment against you." I corrected him and said that he had in the past around the affair, but he is better about it now. Most days it never crosses my mind. but, when he makes those kinds of statements that are just flat out false, those I cannot ignore. I have been so embarrassed and ashamed of myself that this will take some time to sort out.
It unfolded like a slow freight train:
Day one: past pain trigger
Day two: pressed in on me too hard trigger
Day three: affair trigger
by day three.... BOOM.. that was all she wrote.
We are already trying to piece us back together and taking it a step at a time, I just have added shame to letting my personal integrity shatter to pieces. ugh...
Just not in a good spot emotionally
Not even sure how long I will leave this thread up.
Its been a while since I have triggered. It gets longer and longer in between, but this time I was three sheets to the wind and had NO filter left.
It started over the weekend and ended Tuesday night. I have a very specific pain trigger that comes from my past. And he hit it Saturday, then we tried to finish talking about it the Tuesday morning and he was talking all over me until I was in tears.
Our son had his first case of strep this week and the second day of him home sick, H doesn't call at all to check on us. Since it was a work affair, I was ticked and toast by the time he got home. He never had a chance. I picked up the drink originally because I was hurting in my entire body from us arguing that morning. He immediately started justifying and it just stoked my unfiltered anger. My choices and behavior went against EVERYTHING I believe.
The affair was brought up when he tried to tell me "I have never built resentment against you." I corrected him and said that he had in the past around the affair, but he is better about it now. Most days it never crosses my mind. but, when he makes those kinds of statements that are just flat out false, those I cannot ignore. I have been so embarrassed and ashamed of myself that this will take some time to sort out.
It unfolded like a slow freight train:
Day one: past pain trigger
Day two: pressed in on me too hard trigger
Day three: affair trigger
by day three.... BOOM.. that was all she wrote.
We are already trying to piece us back together and taking it a step at a time, I just have added shame to letting my personal integrity shatter to pieces. ugh...
Just not in a good spot emotionally
Not even sure how long I will leave this thread up.
Put the internet to work for you.
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