My husband (Mike) has gained a lot of weight. I am struggling because I find it really unattractive. On top of this, he doesn't take care of himself physically (his teeth, his hair, his clothing choices…..) and I find it really gross. He also struggles to hold onto a job.
Let me give you some history. When I met Mike 11 years ago, he was very overweight (like 130kgs on a 5"11 frame). I was mentally unhealthy at the time, but we began a very intense relationship – he was my first real boyfriend. We fell so in love with each other and together became healthy. In the process of me supporting him become physically healthy, I became interested in healthy eating and exercise. I'm not perfect, but I am very into my fitness.
Mike and I got married five years later. We have a son, who he is an amazing father to, and we are about to have another child. I love Mike so much, especially as a father and as a support person to me. He is the kindest, most loving man I could hope for,
BUT – when we got married, Mike started to gain back weight. There were lots of reasons for this, like him working in a more stationary job, then his father passing away, etc. By the time he had got back to about 110 kgs, I was really concerned. I spoke with him as gently as I could about it. He got re-motivated and started trying to lose weight again.
After losing maybe 15kgs, Mike lost motivation and started to gain back the weight. I spoke with him again. It happened again. And again. And again and again and again. Six years later, he is gaining again.
I am so grossed out by the weight, combined with the teeth, the hair and the clothing. Physical appearance isn't everything to me, but I actually find this a big turn off. I've tried every approach I can think of, some right, some obviously wrong. I cook healthy food, offer to pack him lunches for work, rolemodel healthy eating and fitness, encourage him to see the dentist, buy him clothes – obviously all of this is patronising to him. I've tried to tell him lovingly that I need him to do this. I've asked him to see a councellor with me. I've asked him to see a doctor, nutritionist, trainer.
Worstly – I've found pills around the house that show that he is desperate. He has taken thermogenics several times, and I've even found Thyroxin – I don't know how he got it!
I'm about to have another baby and I want so badly to raise my children with a healthy family. I have an abundance of love for Mike, and I don't want to break up our marriage for superficial reasons. However, I do feel that I deserve to be with someone who doesn't repulse me, physically. I know those words are strong, but that is the point that I am at.
I don't want to leave him. I want him to change. Am I being realistic? What should I do?
Let me give you some history. When I met Mike 11 years ago, he was very overweight (like 130kgs on a 5"11 frame). I was mentally unhealthy at the time, but we began a very intense relationship – he was my first real boyfriend. We fell so in love with each other and together became healthy. In the process of me supporting him become physically healthy, I became interested in healthy eating and exercise. I'm not perfect, but I am very into my fitness.
Mike and I got married five years later. We have a son, who he is an amazing father to, and we are about to have another child. I love Mike so much, especially as a father and as a support person to me. He is the kindest, most loving man I could hope for,
BUT – when we got married, Mike started to gain back weight. There were lots of reasons for this, like him working in a more stationary job, then his father passing away, etc. By the time he had got back to about 110 kgs, I was really concerned. I spoke with him as gently as I could about it. He got re-motivated and started trying to lose weight again.
After losing maybe 15kgs, Mike lost motivation and started to gain back the weight. I spoke with him again. It happened again. And again. And again and again and again. Six years later, he is gaining again.
I am so grossed out by the weight, combined with the teeth, the hair and the clothing. Physical appearance isn't everything to me, but I actually find this a big turn off. I've tried every approach I can think of, some right, some obviously wrong. I cook healthy food, offer to pack him lunches for work, rolemodel healthy eating and fitness, encourage him to see the dentist, buy him clothes – obviously all of this is patronising to him. I've tried to tell him lovingly that I need him to do this. I've asked him to see a councellor with me. I've asked him to see a doctor, nutritionist, trainer.
Worstly – I've found pills around the house that show that he is desperate. He has taken thermogenics several times, and I've even found Thyroxin – I don't know how he got it!
I'm about to have another baby and I want so badly to raise my children with a healthy family. I have an abundance of love for Mike, and I don't want to break up our marriage for superficial reasons. However, I do feel that I deserve to be with someone who doesn't repulse me, physically. I know those words are strong, but that is the point that I am at.
I don't want to leave him. I want him to change. Am I being realistic? What should I do?
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