Sex is a frequent topic of arguments with my husband and I.
First off, let me say that our relationship has been an emotional rollercoaster. My husband can be a very negative emotional person and it's draining. I am more of the look on the bright side and easy going person.
That being said, there are many times in our relationship where I do not feel emotionally safe with my husband. Our communication with each other is very lacking and this, coupled with his negativity, leaves me feeling very distant and cautious around him.
Which brings us to our biggest issue. I do not feel comfortable around him sexually probably at least 85% of the time. Not feeling emotionally connected and safe with him makes me not able to be feel passionate with him. So although we have sex fairly frequently (3-4 times/week at least), it's most often just sex for the sake of having sex.
The flip side of this is that my husband can't allow himself to emotionally connect to me, and therefore allow me to feel safe and close to him, unless we are having frequent passionate sex. He needs to feel that I want him in order to be open to communicating and making me feel safe.
I'm stuck. The strange thing too is that I am actually an extremely sexual person.I fantasize and masturbate often, so it's not a lack of sex drive. Just a lack of connection. We have talked about this until we're both blue in the face and it gets us no where. For a few days I'll feel close again because we're actually talking about it, but then my husband goes back into his negative role, and I withdraw. And of course it's always my fault when it comes to a head.
It is to the point where we are actually talking about splitting up (his initiation) and I'm pregnant with our second child currently. I'm lost. Has anyone else dealt with this and have advice to offer me on how to deal with it on either end.
First off, let me say that our relationship has been an emotional rollercoaster. My husband can be a very negative emotional person and it's draining. I am more of the look on the bright side and easy going person.
That being said, there are many times in our relationship where I do not feel emotionally safe with my husband. Our communication with each other is very lacking and this, coupled with his negativity, leaves me feeling very distant and cautious around him.
Which brings us to our biggest issue. I do not feel comfortable around him sexually probably at least 85% of the time. Not feeling emotionally connected and safe with him makes me not able to be feel passionate with him. So although we have sex fairly frequently (3-4 times/week at least), it's most often just sex for the sake of having sex.
The flip side of this is that my husband can't allow himself to emotionally connect to me, and therefore allow me to feel safe and close to him, unless we are having frequent passionate sex. He needs to feel that I want him in order to be open to communicating and making me feel safe.
I'm stuck. The strange thing too is that I am actually an extremely sexual person.I fantasize and masturbate often, so it's not a lack of sex drive. Just a lack of connection. We have talked about this until we're both blue in the face and it gets us no where. For a few days I'll feel close again because we're actually talking about it, but then my husband goes back into his negative role, and I withdraw. And of course it's always my fault when it comes to a head.
It is to the point where we are actually talking about splitting up (his initiation) and I'm pregnant with our second child currently. I'm lost. Has anyone else dealt with this and have advice to offer me on how to deal with it on either end.
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