Well I made it through my 20th anniversary alone. Started seeing a Christian counselor. Felt pretty good about it when I got my wife to agree to go. She texted that she went and he didn't charge her because she wasn't his patient but only to learn to help me. Now I feel even more that I am the one loosing my mind. Nothing but negative thoughts. Hate having to rely on others to exist. Never needed acceptance from anyone for over 40 years now I can't focus on anything. Wish everything was over but still don't want to just give up on the marriage. Only thing feeding my fire was that I thought she had the problem and that I could figure out to fix it. Now I feeling pretty certain that the problem is mostly with me. Not seeing a lot of reasons she would want to be with me and that is really pulling me down. Oh well. Just thought I could add a few guests to my pity party. Until next time.
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