Hi everyone, and thanks in advance. I'm new here and unfortunately for a bad reason.
My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4. We've traveled the world, bought homes, survived tragedies, and overcome dealing with her parents divorce 3 days after our honeymoon. We've been through a lot and have always stuck together..... until recently.
I don't believe in infidelity, and I do believe that all marriages will work if both sides put forth an honest effort. My wife's view on these things has been clouded.
After several years of building resentment on her side, she finally crashed at the beginning of June. I have always preached openness and honesty and she has never had an easy time expressing herself. So instead of coming to me or going for help she decided to become vulnerable with a co-worker going through a similar situation. Which culminated with them kissing in his car during lunch a few weeks back.
I pulled this out of her last week and we have since gone to counseling twice, to choose which counselor we like, and we are going for a 2nd session tonight with the 1 we picked.
I made her leave for several days, but she has since moved back in(because she felt more comfortable at home). She stopped communicating with him but has admitted that she still thinks about him.
Through the 4 hours of counseling that we have had, we have both begun to understand why our relationship turned sour and how we need to start fixing it. I am committed to do doing so. I admitted my faults and changed philosophies I've had my entire life right in front of her eyes because I realized they were hurting her.
I'm not sure what her intentions are. She said she still loves me and she's going to counseling because she doesn't want to give up on this. She has seen who I really am and feels bad for ever doubting my intentions. She does now see that I love her unconditionally even though she didn't feel like that before.
As of now, she doesn't know what she wants. That's what I have a hard time with. I've spent more time talking to her this week, than she's spent talking to him in their whole relationship. Yet, our history, love, potential, can't outweigh a meaningless trist.
I've done my research and I know why she feels the way she does, but when/how does she find out what she wants?
We still live together, we talk everyday, we eat dinner together, we sometimes sleep together, we hug and kiss each day, we still have intimate interactions. Yet, none of that opens her eyes.
I have no doubt what she's experiencing with this other person was to temporarily fill a void that I wasn't. Nothing more. I know what that is now and I'm filling it! I can see the way she looks at me and cries with me. She's just so confused that she can't separate right from wrong. I know that's killing her inside.
But how long do I wait? At what point does indecision become a decision? How can I help her see what's right?
Who has some good insight? I NEED IT!
My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4. We've traveled the world, bought homes, survived tragedies, and overcome dealing with her parents divorce 3 days after our honeymoon. We've been through a lot and have always stuck together..... until recently.
I don't believe in infidelity, and I do believe that all marriages will work if both sides put forth an honest effort. My wife's view on these things has been clouded.
After several years of building resentment on her side, she finally crashed at the beginning of June. I have always preached openness and honesty and she has never had an easy time expressing herself. So instead of coming to me or going for help she decided to become vulnerable with a co-worker going through a similar situation. Which culminated with them kissing in his car during lunch a few weeks back.
I pulled this out of her last week and we have since gone to counseling twice, to choose which counselor we like, and we are going for a 2nd session tonight with the 1 we picked.
I made her leave for several days, but she has since moved back in(because she felt more comfortable at home). She stopped communicating with him but has admitted that she still thinks about him.
Through the 4 hours of counseling that we have had, we have both begun to understand why our relationship turned sour and how we need to start fixing it. I am committed to do doing so. I admitted my faults and changed philosophies I've had my entire life right in front of her eyes because I realized they were hurting her.
I'm not sure what her intentions are. She said she still loves me and she's going to counseling because she doesn't want to give up on this. She has seen who I really am and feels bad for ever doubting my intentions. She does now see that I love her unconditionally even though she didn't feel like that before.
As of now, she doesn't know what she wants. That's what I have a hard time with. I've spent more time talking to her this week, than she's spent talking to him in their whole relationship. Yet, our history, love, potential, can't outweigh a meaningless trist.
I've done my research and I know why she feels the way she does, but when/how does she find out what she wants?
We still live together, we talk everyday, we eat dinner together, we sometimes sleep together, we hug and kiss each day, we still have intimate interactions. Yet, none of that opens her eyes.
I have no doubt what she's experiencing with this other person was to temporarily fill a void that I wasn't. Nothing more. I know what that is now and I'm filling it! I can see the way she looks at me and cries with me. She's just so confused that she can't separate right from wrong. I know that's killing her inside.
But how long do I wait? At what point does indecision become a decision? How can I help her see what's right?
Who has some good insight? I NEED IT!
Put the internet to work for you.
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